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teastalk · Jan 16, 2009, 01:42 AM

I know that no contact should last forever. I'm tentatively willing to be my exe's friend again. However, I still want to know what happened to us. Is it okay to discuss what happened to us after no contact?

Clough · Jan 16, 2009, 02:04 AM

Hi, teastalk!

No contact is no contact. You might be having second thoughts and wondering as to why things were the way that they were, however, why do you think that you can find out about that?

I haven't read any of your other posts, but sense that you might be wanting to start fresh here, if any of your other posts were about your relationship. If not, then I do apologize.

Thanks!

blondndisguise5 · Jan 16, 2009, 02:12 AM

Depends on what you want to discuss and what you want to come out of it and where nc has led you too... discussing what happened wrong in the relationship might put you back to square one and what if you don't resolve anything? Perhaps its best to lok back honestly at what you did to harm the relationship and then practice on it you know? And if you want to be friends your going to have to just start fresh meaning let go of the relationship before meaning let go... there will always be burning questions about the past and why but you have to keep your eyes forward and take care of you.

kctiger · Jan 16, 2009, 05:38 AM

What is the point? If you are still wondering about the "why" in the break up, then you aren't over it yet, thus you shouldn't get in contact with your ex. Life happened to you guys, accept that, and don't go looking for closure. It is wasted effort and pointless to search down an answer as to "What happened to us?"

The only thing that matters is the 'What didn't happen to us?" You guys DIDN'T last, and that is all that matters. You go no contact until you feel no need to talk about the past, as it does no good.

Carry on...

Fr_Chuck · Jan 16, 2009, 05:41 AM

No contact is just that, NO CONTACT, seldom will you ever be "friends" again, you want to chat about new dates, you want to hear about an exciting weekend to the beach they did.

The "wanting to know what happened" is just a way of saying you are not over them and want to try and talk it over and get back together.

Move on

zeeniee · Jan 16, 2009, 07:38 AM

I guess the first question you have to ask yourself is if you think it is wise to be friends? If you think that is the right way forward then you and your ex will need to clear the air and close your relationship properly, in order to open a friendship.

Make sure you have had plenty of time to think about this and only become a friend if you are totally over him, or you will fall in that trap of still being in love, which will not do you good in the long term.

talaniman · Jan 16, 2009, 07:58 AM

I think your to freshly broken up, and not healed enough to be objective yet. Give No Contact more time.

liz28 · Jan 16, 2009, 10:50 AM

I think you know why this relationship didn't last so the question you should ask yourself is what did you learn from it? There's a lesson to be learned from every relationship you had.

To answer your original question, no you don't have to have a discuss with your ex after a break-up. And no, you don't have to remain friends with your ex. Sometimes it is better for you to move on instead of trying to be friends for your own healing.

teastalk · Jun 20, 2009, 03:01 PM

I didn't know where to put this... and I didn't feel like opening a new thread. I need help. I feel like calling him today. What should I do?

liz28 · Jun 20, 2009, 03:32 PM

Leave the past in the past. You should have moved on by now.

teastalk · Jun 21, 2009, 02:56 AM

I haven't. I still miss him.

bigdee · Jun 21, 2009, 06:34 AM

I know it's hard but you must stick with NC. I only prolonged the agony when I kept staying in touch with my ex-gf just tying to be friends even though deep down it was to try to keep the flame alive. I did that for months and it only prolonged the agony and I had to keep starting from square one. Once I stuck with true NC did I actually get over it.

roxypox · Jun 21, 2009, 06:42 AM

If you feel an urge coming on to call him... then call someone else instead

1. call your best friend and ask her to hang out.
2. call some other friends and ask them to hang out
3. maybe go to the movies with a friend
Keep yourself idle!

Seeing as you still miss him and you still want to call him AND you want to talk about the past and why things didn't work out the way you wanted them to... it really does seem that you are not ready to be friends with him and to continue with NC might be a very good idea. Because it is likely that talking to him now will only make the feelings you have worse; not better... why regress when you can have progress?

teastalk · Jun 22, 2009, 03:59 PM

I miss not being able to talk to him so I want to call him. I want to ask him how he's doing and what he's been doing so far this summer.

Currently, I don't wish to ask him about the past or anything related to it. I just want to meet up with him and talk to him about what he's been up to and what I've been up to recently.

Would it be a mistake to call? I was planning on calling on Friday, but I fell asleep as I was struggling to decide whether to call him or not. After that I decided to stick with no contact just because that's the main suggestion on this board.

However, I'm feeling like whatever happened between me and him doesn't matter and I would just like to be able to speak with him again.

bigdee · Jun 22, 2009, 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by teastalk

Would it be a mistake to call?

Yeah... it would.

teastalk · Jun 22, 2009, 04:08 PM

Why is that? I have no plans on getting back together. I realize that we weren't compatible as a couple. We obviously didn't work together well as a couple, but I did enjoy being friends with him.

talaniman · Jun 22, 2009, 04:14 PM

Come on T, see what your doing, your making some excuses to go back, and not look forward.

You know the drill, so cut it out. DO NOT PLAY GAMES WITH YOURSELF.

Now get off your butt, and do something good for yourself. Get your nails done, or find a kid in the hospital who needs someone to take him outside, and read to them. Anything besides pining over yesterday.

You don't need him, you need some new friends.