[orange]

I would like some suggestions and ideas as to how to help my friend (actually one of my former foster sisters), who is very discouraged and down on herself. She has PTSD like I do, the result of a horrible childhood in the foster care system, although she hasn't had as much success with therapy as I have. She also has had quite serious physical health problems. She has been on disability through social services since 1999 as a result of all this.

In spite being on disability though, she is a very talented person in many ways... she's a generous and caring and a good listener; she's great with my kids, she very musical and artistic and is a good writer. When she has been well enough to do volunteer work she has shone... she has great leadership qualities and really puts her heart into anything she does.

However, she is constantly putting herself down because she didn't go to university or college, and because she doesn't have a job. She is very ashamed of being on assistance, but honestly, everyone who knows her feels that she needs the assistance, as things have been so unstable for her. I think she really would like to have a job, even a part time one, but she has very bad anxiety, so I know it couldn't be just any job. She's very intelligent also, so she doesn't really fit in with a program we have in our city that's designed to find work for intellectually disabled individuals. With every year that goes by, I know she feels worse and worse about herself... just the other day she was saying she feels completely useless. Yes she also has some depression and is being treated for that, although I'm not sure how well the treatment is working.

Is it possible for someone who has been unemployed for 7+ years (and never really had a job to begin with, since she is only 25) to get into the workforce, or take classes, change their lives for the better, etc? I think yes, but she feels as if her life is always going to be this way. She's stuck and discouraged and I'm not sure how to help. I know she needs more therapy and still has some physical health hurdles to overcome, but having a part time job would be good for her as well. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Myth]

I'm sure that if you look into a local community college they might have some options for your friend. I might also suggest that when the nanny gets back maybe on her days off you might have your friend over to help with the kids. It would give her a great reference for work and help your kids to understand other ppl's abilities and disabilities and grow tolerance for each other. She sounds like she has hit a dead end and just needs to be shown that sometimes the path just has disappeared around a tree. Patients and support are what she needs right now. Encourage her to take a class or two. It would definitely help her self esteem

[phillysteakandcheese]

There are lots of little everyday things you can do to help. This link talks about ways to give support to someone with depression.

Your friend will ultimately have to stop dwelling on how bad her past was or how bleak her future looks, and instead be creative and think about what she can do with what she has going for her.

You mentioned she is a good artist - Perhaps she can immerse herself in the local art scene. She could slowly start making some friends and learn more about the areas she's interested in. She might even be able to get something she's done put on show!

Her physical health may require to always be on disability... She might never be "rich and famous"...
She can enjoy a fulfilling life using her time to follow her passion.

[starryeyed]

I know you've got your hands overflowing with other things at the moment - but I just wanted to post that from my own experience, when you haven't had success fpr a long time, it's hard yo get the energy to put yourself in a position to get positive feedback - and so it goes in circles...

I have a wonderful friend who suffers from severe anxiety - he's caring, intelligent, artisitic and gifted in many ways, a brilliant cook, well-travelled... Sounds a lot like your friend - and what's most frustrating is that he ties up so much self-definition in 'work' and is so ashamed, that it makes his anxiety worse, and it spirals for him...

You mentioned she is a good writer... How about putting together an article or two for a street publication - it might not pay, but seeing your name in print is brilliant! Maybe some ezines?.

My friend also does some casual admin work for a local organisation for people with mental health problems... They're very understanding and don't pressure him, and he, like your friend, shines, and does a job worth being proud of.

I also agree that community college might have some great oportunities to get positive recognition... At some point, could she even give an art class at some sort of local/evening school?