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kezzle66 · Jan 15, 2009, 05:36 PM

I live in Ontario Canada. I was married for 5 years and have a 4 year old daughter with my husband. We separated last June. I have lived with my current boyfriend since September. I have custody of my daughter. I'm am not divorced from my husband due to financial costs. Can I still be considered common law with my boyfriend even though a divorce isn't final and if so how long after we live together does that come into effect?

JudyKayTee · Jan 15, 2009, 06:14 PM

Originally Posted by kezzle66

I live in Ontario Canada. I was married for 5 years and have a 4 year old daughter with my husband. We separated last June. I have lived with my current boyfriend since September. i have custody of my daughter. I'm am not divorced from my husband due to financial costs. Can i still be considered common law with my boyfriend even though a divorce isn't final and if so how long after we live together does that come into effect?

No, not speaking only about Canada - you cannot be in two marriages at one time which is what you are asking.

You are legally married to your husband. You cannot have a "second" husband, legal or common law.

Alty · Jan 15, 2009, 06:15 PM

Judy, had to spread the rep, but I agree. Once the divorce is final that's when the clock starts, not before.

As far as I know, living in Canada and having friends that live together, you are considered common law after 1 year of living together, but only after your divorce is final.

kezzle66 · Jan 15, 2009, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Judy, had to spread the rep, but I agree. Once the divorce is final that's when the clock starts, not before.

As far as I know, living in Canada and having friends that live together, you are considered common law after 1 year of living together, but only after your divorce is final.

Thank you for the info. My husband is not dealing with the changes very well even though he made it this way. He is making it very difficult for my daughter and I to move on. He is giving me a hard time with my living arrangements even though my current boyfriend has been my best friend for 5 years and has always known our daughter for her whole life. Someone told us that after we lived together for a while my husband wouldn't be able to say anything about my daughter being in the home with my boyfriend. I figured that was to good to be true!!

JudyKayTee · Jan 15, 2009, 07:07 PM

Originally Posted by kezzle66

Thank you for the info. My husband is not dealing with the changes very well even though he made it this way. He is making it very difficult for my daughter and i to move on. he is giving me a hard time wih my living arrangements even though my current boyfriend has been my best friend for 5 years and has always known our daughter for her whole life. someone told us that after we lived together for a while my husband wouldn't be able to say anything about my daughter being in the home with my boyfriend. I figured that was to good to be true!!!

The father can ALWAYS raise an issue if he feels the child is in harm's way.

(This is the third "best friend, now my live in boyfriend" situation in three days.)

kezzle66 · Jan 15, 2009, 07:25 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

The father can ALWAYS raise an issue if he feels the child is in harm's way.

(This is the third "best friend, now my live in boyfriend" situation in three days.)

I understand that point but the child has NEVER been in any sort of harms way since we left. And I can't speak for the other "best friends, now live in boyfriend cases" but if I t wasn't for my best friend me and my daughter would not be living the quality of life that we are today. I was able to leave a very abusive environment. I'm not wanting to sound like a typical sob story, I was with my husband for 12 years, we had many good times. That's why I got married and had a child. Unfortunately, my husband started to suffer from depression and relied on alcohol mixed with anti-depressants. I did everything to keep the marriage together, but it became an unsafe environment for me and my daughter. My husband through his life away, and I'm very lucky to have had such a good friend to help.

JudyKayTee · Jan 16, 2009, 06:00 AM

Originally Posted by kezzle66

I understand that point but the child has NEVER been in any sort of harms way since we left. And i can't speak for the other "best friends, now live in boyfriend cases" but if i t wasn't for my best friend me and my daughter would not be living the quality of life that we are today. I was able to leave a very abusive environment. I'm not wanting to sound like a typical sob story, I was with my husband for 12 years, we had many good times. that's why i got married and had a child. unfortunately, my husband started to suffer from depression and relied on alcohol mixed with anti-depressants. I did everything to keep the marriage together, but it became an unsafe environment for me and my daughter. My husband through his life away, and I'm very lucky to have had such a good friend to help.

I'm not judging you. Do what you have to do. I just don't understand why women in desperate circumstances don't have any female friends or family.

If it's working out for you and your child, that's wonderful.

As far as your child NEVER being in harm's way - I didn't say she is. I said your husband could ALLEGE that she is. People make allegations all the time. Doesn't mean they are correct or that the Court believes them. I'm just saying your husband COULD raise some issues here.

Concerning your question - no, you can't be married to two people at the same time and need to divorce your husband if you want to live common law or marry your boyfriend.

kezzle66 · Jan 16, 2009, 08:51 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'm not judging you. Do what you have to do. I just don't understand why women in desperate circumstances don't have any female friends or family.

If it's working out for you and your child, that's wonderful.

As far as your child NEVER being in harm's way - I didn't say she is. I said your husband could ALLEGE that she is. People make allegations all the time. Doesn't mean they are correct or that the Court believes them. I'm just saying your husband COULD raise some issues here.

Concerning your question - no, you can't be married to two people at the same time and need to divorce your husband if you want to live common law or marry your boyfriend.

Sorry for sounding like I'm on the defense! And thank you for not judging me. I do have great friend and family but they also have families and it wasn't possible to have proper living arrangements with them. Hopefully my husband realizes soon that this is the way things are now and he doesn't continue to raise too much senseless drama. Thank you for the advice.

JudyKayTee · Jan 16, 2009, 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by kezzle66

Sorry for sounding like i'm on the defense! And thank you for not judging me. I do have great friend and family but they also have families and it wasn't possible to have proper living arrangements with them. hopefully my husband realizes soon that this is the way things are now and he doesn't continue to raise too much senseless drama. Thank you for the advice.

No problem. Is there no agency that can help you get a divorce, sort of a legal aid sort of service?

If your daughter is now safe and secure with a mother and (sort of) stepfather who love her it would certainly be a good idea to get this resolved in her own best interest as quickly as possible.

I hope it works out for you.