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DesperateMom1 · Jan 14, 2009, 11:46 PM

Our 18 year old son who has a serious pending legal issue, has brought home a girl.

Initially she was to leave the day after but this temporary arrangement is now turning out to be permanent. She has lots of legal issues and does not have any parental guidance. Apparently she just moves around from home to home until she is asked to leave. Her character is questionable and she is not of sober habits. Her belief is that she is the best thing for our son - in that she keeps him away from other bad company!! My understanding is that she is a 'parasite' - she is seeking the comforts of a home by preying on a confused adolesant. My attempts to ask her to leave are proving to be futile due to her ignorance of my authority in our home. Both my husband and I have be polite thus far. We have encouraged her to take stock of her life and take care of her issues. She has heeded our advice but has become more comfortable. Our son threatens to leave with her if we insist. He does have a job but has commitments towards his legal fees. She is planning on getting a job and talks about a future by moving out with him.

What are options with regards to getting her to leave? How can we avoid this situation from recurring? What will deter our son from taking advantage of our home in the future?

Please help!!

:mad::o:confused:

George_1950 · Jan 15, 2009, 07:24 AM

Welcome to AMHD. Why do things have to be so complex? I believe you need a support team consisting of a minister, family counselor, and attorney. You will need to develop goals and/or outcomes for multiple persons and interests. And, you can only live one day at a time.

Ber Rabbit · Jan 15, 2009, 09:02 AM

It's your home and you set the rules. Sometimes teenagers need to learn the hard way. It's time to start charging them both rent AND if he's going to be bringing home "strays" he needs to support them. Determine what his share of the grocery money is for the two of them per week, tell him they are expected to pay that as well. See an attorney and draw up a contract for him to sign outlining his responsibilities in the house and the penalties for failing to meet them.

Another option is to tell them to leave. You'll probably have to face the fact that if she goes, he goes with her. He's 18 and thinks he knows everything, you have no control over him and you can't protect him from stupid mistakes forever. Let him figure out what the real world is like.

Or... you can stick with the situation as it is.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
Ber

George_1950 · Jan 15, 2009, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by Ber Rabbit

It's your home and you set the rules. Sometimes teenagers need to learn the hard way...

Another option is to tell them to leave...

Ber

Just curious: have you had success in dealing with teenagers?

Ber Rabbit · Jan 15, 2009, 09:19 AM

Originally Posted by George_1950

Just curious: have you had success in dealing with teenagers?

Some yes, some no, they are ALL different and react to adult guidance in some unpredictable ways. Sometimes a little creativity helps get a point across to them, you had already taken the logical response so I went for a more unconventional idea.
Ber