[KayGates]

I try so hard to make her happy, but nothing seems to work.
Today my sister and I cleaned the entire house, and she came home and yelled at me for not finding the remote that my other sister lost yesterday.

It is wearing on my patience, and we have a cycle where every month or two we get into a huge fight and it sometimes escalates to physical violence(on both parts).

Every time we argue she convinces me that I am some horrible person, and that I will fail at life. I can't talk to her about this or she tells me to stop feeling sorry for myself, and that people are suffering all around the world. I understand that, and I know that my life isn't horrible, but its not good enough for me. I am sick of feeling like a failure to her, and she makes decisions that are wrong and does things that she shouldn't do. I admit that I can be disrespectful, but over the past two years I have lost respect for her from some of the things I have witnessed and been a part of.

How do I deal with this and still keep my sanity?

Sincerely,
K

[southerngalps]

Maybe you should speak to a counselor. You can vent your anger out there.

It is not right that physical violence is involved. One of you can get hurt. If your mother is hitting you, she can get in serious trouble.

[KayGates]

Social services is flawed, and she promised me that we would go to counseling. I can't live with my dad because he is too "busy", and the condition that I stay with my mom was that we all did group conseling. Nothing is happening.

Today I was making homemade popcorn and a salad for my mom, and she came in the kitchen and complained about how I was doing it.
I tried to explain to her in a calm, non-threatening voice(it is like I am speaking to a child) that when I feel bad when she puts me down or makes me feel unappreciated and she picked on me and mocked me. I am sixteen, and most of the time I feel like the adult. Two more years! :(

[Jake2008]

Would it be worth considering going to counselling on your own.

This isn't something that you have to set up through your parents, or need their approval to do. As someone has said, it is probably a good idea for you to find a safe and neutral place to vent your frustration.

When you keep things unresolved, and inside, they bottle up, and eventually they will explode. Everybody has arguments and disagreements, but when one just leads into another without anything being talked about and dealt with, even the smallest problem will keep turning into a big one.

You may not be able to get your mother (or father or all of you) into counselling, but you can get help for yourself in learning how to cope and deal with all the pressure you feel you are under.

You may be surprised at how much you can learn about controlling your own actions, and reactions, and diffusing situations before they get out of control. These are not skills we are born with, but they can be learned.

Good luck, not an easy spot to be in.

[love bug]

Well I understand where you're coming from everyone has problems but sometimes you just have 2 ignore ignorant people like her and if she tells u 2 do something just do it and keep on smiling

[southerngalps]

Would it be worth considering going to counselling on your own.

This isn't something that you have to set up through your parents, or need their approval to do. As someone has said, it is probably a good idea for you to find a safe and neutral place to vent your frustration.

When you keep things unresolved, and inside, they bottle up, and eventually they will explode. Everybody has arguments and disagreements, but when one just leads into another without anything being talked about and dealt with, even the smallest problem will keep turning into a big one.

You may not be able to get your mother (or father or all of you) into counselling, but you can get help for yourself in learning how to cope and deal with all the pressure you feel you are under.

You may be surprised at how much you can learn about controlling your own actions, and reactions, and diffusing situations before they get out of control. These are not skills we are born with, but they can be learned.

Good luck, not an easy spot to be in.

Yeah... I meant for her to see a counselor on her own since she is the one who wants change. This can help you control yourself better than your mother.

[liz28]

Do you have any other relative that you might be able to stay with?

Right now your living situation is unhealthy and the problem starts wth your mom. I don't know what is going on in your mom life but she seems unhappy and have anger that might not be target at you but she is putting it towards you and it might be because your there and their no one else to take it out on. Is it fair no and it is taking a toll of you.

You live in NY, like I do, and there are places for teens that can offer you help like counseling, support groups, and even housing. In Manhattan there is a place called The Door and Coventent House, you can Google it because they can help you and might be able to help you and your mom build a healthy relationship. Or you can tell someone in your school like a guidance counselor, teacher, or principal to see if they can help.

[KayGates]

I was in counseling last year, and I felt like I had to censor what I said. I enjoyed talking to the woman, and I tried to use her advice. Most of it worked.

Get this. My mom originally put me into the counseling, and then later on used it against me. She would make comments like "Why don't you just run and cry to your conselor?!" or other rude things. She also thought it was "rude"(which is her word of choice) for me to talk to her about things and not my own mother. I explained to her that when I talked to her(my mother) I didn't feel like she listened. She will start talking about something else while I am talking, or always just wants to talk to me about her relationship with her boyfriend and her husband(who was my father for 14 years). She won't listen. If I tell her that I am upset about something, she gets defensive or tells me that all I do is feel sorry for myself. I am not feeling sorry for myself, I just want change.

I tried to go live with my dad, and my mom said that his house is the only other place I can go(she says this knowing that he told me that he was too busy).

I just don't know anymore.

[Wondergirl]

I was in counseling last year, and I felt like I had to censor what I said. I enjoyed talking to the woman, and I tried to use her advice. Most of it worked.

Did you quit going to this counselor? If so, why? And why censor? She isn't supposed to tell anyone what you say unless you give written permission. If what she suggested worked, keep using those ideas, build on them, and see her or another counselor for more ideas and encouragement.

You can't make your mom happy. Only she can do that for herself.

[KayGates]

The end of the school year meant that I would need written permission from my mom to keep me in it, and I didn't want to start that argument.