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cmunsey · Jan 14, 2009, 10:48 AM

I have a problem with my grandson. He is very disrespectful to my daughter. He says f you and other things to her. What can we do?

krzekali89 · Jan 14, 2009, 11:55 AM

Honestly, I'm 18 and I know people like that. My fiancés sister is thirteen and acts like that.

There is nothing you can do without calling the police getting the school involved etc.

If he is disrespectful in school they might be able to do something about it, other then that your daughter needs to become tough mom. If she's afraid he's going to physically hurt her then I don't know what I would do.

I had a friend who treated his mom like that and he ending up going to juvie for 2 years for hitting her, when he came out him and his mom have had a fantastic relationship. I mean it might take some serious action to fix that problem.

Good luck and I wish you and your daughter the best.

cmunsey · Jan 14, 2009, 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by krzekali89

honestly, im 18 and i know people like that. my fiances sister is thirteen and acts like that.

there is nothing you can do without calling the police getting the school involved etc.

If he is disrespectful in school they might be able to do something about it, other then that your daughter needs to become tough mom. If shes afraid hes going to physically hurt her then i dont know what i would do.

I had a friend who treated his mom like that and he ending up going to juvie for 2 years for hitting her, when he came out him and his mom have had a fantastic relationship. i mean it might take some serious action to fix that problem.

good luck and i wish you and your daughter the best.

Thank you but he is out of school. He went to an academy for troubled teens. He hasn't found a job yet and yes she is afraid he will hit her and she has a son that is 9 living there also and he may hit him. He does have his diploma. He has no dad at home.

southerngalps · Jan 14, 2009, 12:58 PM

If he does not respect her rules, then he should not live there.

If he can't begin to respect her, then he should learn the hard way how to make it on his own.

cmunsey · Jan 14, 2009, 01:33 PM

Originally Posted by southerngalps

if he does not respect her rules, then he should not live there.

if he can't begin to respect her, then he should learn the hard way how to make it on his own.

But she can't legally kick him out because she is responsible for him until he is 18. And if he gets into trouble, she will have to get him out of it. She doesn't have the means or the money. I told her to kick him out but she can't right now. His birthday is not until the 14th of July. Then he will be 18. I don't think she can put up with him that long.

southerngalps · Jan 14, 2009, 06:03 PM

Oh... okay. I thought because he was out of school, he was 18 or over.

I've heard in some states you are a legal adult when you finish school or turn 18. She might want to check out your state's laws.

cmunsey · Jan 15, 2009, 01:33 PM

Originally Posted by southerngalps

oh...okay. i thought because he was out of school, he was 18 or over.

i've heard in some states you are a legal adult when you finish school or turn 18. she might want to check out your state's laws.

That is OK. It is 18 here.

chrissymarie · Jan 15, 2009, 03:24 PM

Ground him until he can learn to be respectful or at least he moves out. Where are his parents? It is there responsibility to teach him respect.

No t.v. no cell phone, no going out, no after school activities, no friends over, no sweets, no allowance, no fun etc etc

cmunsey · Jan 16, 2009, 07:11 AM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

ground him until he can learn to be respectful or atleast he moves out. Where are his parents? It is there responsiblity to teach him respect.

No t.v., no cell phone, no going out, no after school activities, no friends over, no sweets, no allowance, no fun etc etc

The mom works and the dad left so he is on his own at home. It does no good to ground him because he says f you. And does whatever he wants to.

southerngalps · Jan 16, 2009, 08:13 AM

He does whatever he wants to because he knows he can. He is the child. The adult simply needs to take more charge.

How old is he?

chrissymarie · Jan 16, 2009, 08:43 AM

Originally Posted by cmunsey

the mom works and the dad left so he is on his own at home. it does no good to ground him because he says f you. and does whatever he wants to.

Who pays the bills in the house?

cmunsey · Jan 16, 2009, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by southerngalps

he does whatever he wants to because he knows he can. he is the child. the adult simply needs to take more charge.

how old is he?

He is almost 18. His mother is afraid he will hit her.

chrissymarie · Jan 16, 2009, 10:32 AM

If he pays no bills h has not say in the household. He can say "F" you all he wants, that still won't change the fact he's punished. He needs whoever is going to punish him to stay strong and stick to their word.

No parent should have to be afraid of their child, the child should be afraid of the angry parent. His mother can hit him back if he hits her. This is called self defense. If he hits her she can call the police. 17 year olds go to prsion. God forbid it ever gets that ugly.

He has no solid guardian this is where the problems started. The mother needs to get more involved and you do as well. No grown up needs to listen to him or should be afraid of him.

cmunsey · Jan 16, 2009, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

If he pays no bills h has not say in the household. He can say "F" you all he wants, that still wont change the fact he's punished. He needs whoever is goign to punish him to stay strong and stick to their word.

No parent should have to be afraid of their child, the child should be afraid of the angry parent. His mother can hit him back if he hits her. This is called self defense. If he hits her she can call the police. 17 year olds go to prsion. God forbid it ever gets that ugly.

He has no solid guardian this is where the problems started. The mother needs to get more involved and you do aswell. No grown up needs to listen to him or should be afraid of him.

You are right chrissy but she is afraid of him. He may kill her. Sometimes kids do that. I don't want that to happen either. I agree with you 100 percent but the teen has been grounded and he don't care. He still does what he wants. He is very strong and tall and God if he hurts his mother or anyone else, I will file charges on him myself.

southerngalps · Jan 16, 2009, 11:18 AM

I think you should bring the law enforcement over to have a talk with him. Find out if you kick him out now, if the adults will get into trouble.

If she fears for her life, it sounds like she might be able to get him out of the house and get a restraining order on him.

It would help just to bring the law into this.

cmunsey · Jan 16, 2009, 01:15 PM

Originally Posted by southerngalps

i think you should bring the law enforcement over to have a talk with him. find out if you kick him out now, if the adults will get into trouble.

if she fears for her life, it sounds like she might be able to get him out of the house and get a restraining order on him.

it would help just to bring the law into this.

Well that is where it gets complicated. Because his stepfather, who adopted him, is a police officer. He doesn't care about him at all. He has not seen him since he left. He could care less. And if he is kicked out, the mom will be responsible for him so if he gets into trouble, she will have to pay for court costs and everything. She is a single mom and she can't afford it. He can't be kicked out with nowhere else to go. Then he would be on the street. He may get into drugs then. So now what?

chrissymarie · Jan 16, 2009, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by cmunsey

you are right chrissy but she is afraid of him. he may kill her. sometimes kids do that. i don't want that to happen either. i agree with you 100 percent but the teen has been grounded and he don't care. he still does what he wants. he is very strong and tall and God if he hurts his mother or anyone else, i will file charges on him myself.

"he may kill her..." Are you serious? If so this situation has got completely out of hand. If shi is threatened of her life by someone in her household who is staying there under the good will of her, she is completely out of her mind and has lost control of her life. If his respect for his mother has gotten that bad he needs to be accompanied by the police out of her home and sent to juvenile hall. There they will teach him some discipline that his mother did not.

This is completely ridiculous. His mother should not feel threatened by her son. Any child who would attempt to kill their mother because they were being fairly punished for their actions is deeply disturbed and requires professional help immediately. He may have mental issues.

liz28 · Jan 16, 2009, 01:32 PM

It's time for your daughter to develop some tough skin and start showing some tough love with an iron fist. She shouldn't fear her son it should be the other way around. He probably knows that she fears him and this gives him the upper hand tell her to stop it now. I don't care if she got to get up in his face or get something to beat him with if he ever hit her. She deserves respect and shouldn't have demand it.

It takes a village to raise a child so if she has brothers, uncles, males cousins, or anybody, they should help her now because she needs it. She have to take back control of her house and she better do it now before he gets physcial with her because if that was my son he would be laid out someone once he open his mouth to curse me off after I give birth to him. I wish my son or daughter would ever talk to me this way when they get older, boy that would be some day.

TexasParent · Jan 16, 2009, 01:57 PM

This kid is crying out for help and love; how about someone giving him a hug.

Yes I know he will reject it at first, I mean the people who loved him have always rejected at some point.

I don't agree with the threads TONE of tough love, punishment, boundries, etc. even though I believe in those methods. I don't think one person so far sees how much pain this boy is in and how he got this way.

Yes, he needs to take responsibility for his actions and those around him do not have to accept his behavior and should set firm boundries; but those who do love him in his life need to try to get past his anger and be the loving person he can trust and can be a mentor to him with regard to his behavior and his future. Otherwise, this angry rude young man's future and those around him including his future children will be bleak.

cmunsey · Jan 16, 2009, 02:07 PM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

"he may kill her..." Are you serious? If so this situation has got completely out of hand. If shi is threatened of her life by someone in her household who is staying there under the good will of her, she is completely out of her mind and has lost control of her life. If his respect for his mother has gotten that bad he needs to be accompanied by the police out of her home and sent to juvenile hall. There they will teach him some discipline that his mother did not.

This is completely ridiculous. His mother should not feel threatened by her son. Any child who would attempt to kill their mother because they were being fairly punished for their actions is deeply disturbed and requires proffesional help immediately. he may have mental issues.

Chrissy,
You are talking about a mother. She has done a lot for him. He has been to counseling and school for boys where he graduated. You know, you never know when someone will crack. It happens all the time. Have you ever heard that saying, "he was such a nice person. we never dreamed he would do anything like that?" that is all I am saying. Sometimes people do snap and lose it. I try to talk to him and I tell him how proud of him I am for graduating and everything. I don't know if he cares. I will never stop telling him though. I am sure he does have mental issues. A lot of this started when his stepdad left him. He was mean to him.