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    Jnet29's Avatar
    Jnet29 Posts: 88, Reputation: 13
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    #1

    Jul 27, 2006, 08:49 AM
    Made a big mistake
    HI, I have a question I need to ask, well here it is. MY husband and I separated on June 30th of this year he said he need time to hisself to get his self together, when he was here he would leave everyday to play basketball he says and one morning he got up took a bath and said he was going to play ball. I start getting the feeling that he was cheating on me, a day later he came in from playing ball and took a wash up he never do that even though that's what he suppose to do after playing a sport he don't that's why it is so strange to me. He won't come back home and I don't know what to do, so friends of mine start calling me with there problems and I spend all my time helping them only one of them was my ex he calls me a lot about this girl he was seeing and a couple of times he came to my house to talk to me about her to I tried to help him but I couldn't. I did find out that he is still in love with me and a big part of me is still in love with him, we were in a room in my house by ourselves and we were talking then all I know is we kissed more then one time it was to the point that if we had continued we would have made love to each other, we both wanted to but I couldn't hurt my husband like that even though he could be doing it to me I don't want to hurt him like that.now my ex wants me to leave my husband to marry him I can't just do that I know my husband is being unfaithful to me because he didn't come to his house until 11:00pm last night I don't know what to do and I think I committed adultery when I kissed my ex, but I not sure I just need someone help on this.
    blueiman's Avatar
    blueiman Posts: 158, Reputation: 5
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    #2

    Jul 27, 2006, 08:58 AM
    We all make mistakes and I have made many. From what you're saying the husband is cheating. You are or he (your ex) is interested in you. This can become a very very big problem if you cont this relationship. Sounds like the ship is sinking and you have a choice to get out now or just go down with the ship. You are going to have to make a choice on what you want to do. Fix the problem/ ship... and this will take lots of work. Or, just give up and move on with your life. I'm sure you will be happyier alone or you will meet someone new. You are a good person to not cheat on your husband because you are a better person. Don't forget who you are inside. Good luck.
    Jnet29's Avatar
    Jnet29 Posts: 88, Reputation: 13
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    #3

    Jul 27, 2006, 09:15 AM
    Thank you for your kind words, you are right I just don't want to end my marriage we just got married on the 10th of oct 2005 and we are expecting our 4th child in dec 11th of this year only he don't want the child, I thought we both plan this child but I was wrong he told me later that I planned this child by myself and he didn't want anymore children.which really hurt me because as soon as we broke up in 2003 I was pregnant then to I had my baby and found out he got another girl pregnant and he did tell her that.
    blueiman's Avatar
    blueiman Posts: 158, Reputation: 5
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    #4

    Jul 27, 2006, 09:20 AM
    Jnet, geez you have kids and he says after the fact he is not interested... wow, that is terrible. I'm sorry to hear this. You sound like a good person and maybe you picked the wrong guy. Sounds like he is not honest with you in regards to many different issues. Ones in the past and now the future. Are you sure you want to stay with him?
    Jnet29's Avatar
    Jnet29 Posts: 88, Reputation: 13
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    #5

    Jul 28, 2006, 07:51 PM
    Well I have spent 7 years of my life with him and we were split up 1 year and1/2 which would have made it 8 and 1/2 years but oct of this year would be 8 years if we don't get divorced first. I'm kind of scared because this will be our fourth child together and I really want him to change so we can finally be happy for once in my life, I told him if he's not home either by the 10th of aug or oct then don't bother coming home he said it won't take him 2 months to come back home I just feeling like I'm making him come home I don't think he really want this to work. I'm scared this is my first marriage and I don't want it to fail : ( It's only been 9 months that we been married we're still newly weds. This is his second marriage and he'll be 41 in aug and I'll be 30 in jan, altogether I'll have 5 children and he will have 8 children, 4 which is by me and the other by 4 different women. I really don't know what to do.
    Myth's Avatar
    Myth Posts: 897, Reputation: 147
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    #6

    Jul 28, 2006, 09:13 PM
    I would honestly hire a private detective if at all possible and make sure you have evidence of his infedelity. This will help you if you do have to go to court for devorice. I know you want to work things out. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best... I know all this from some experience with my ex hubby. Always trust your gut. I learned that one the hard way too.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #7

    Jul 29, 2006, 08:16 AM
    I think your wasting your time and energy on a relationship wit this overgrown kid. Any man with that many kids should be working and not playing basketball. Make sure he pays child support and concentrate on raising thoase kids. Kick him to the curb.
    Jnet29's Avatar
    Jnet29 Posts: 88, Reputation: 13
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    Jul 31, 2006, 11:25 AM
    Hi myth, I thought about get a PI but I'm kind of scared, I don't know what I'll do if I find out that this is the case. He has been changing a lot over the last the days and I think I'm just going to focus of my children and myself. Net
    Myth's Avatar
    Myth Posts: 897, Reputation: 147
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    #9

    Aug 1, 2006, 10:17 AM
    That sounds good too... Just be careful.
    Jnet29's Avatar
    Jnet29 Posts: 88, Reputation: 13
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    #10

    Aug 1, 2006, 08:51 PM
    Hi Myth, he's not worth me losing my life or my children I think I'll just let him go. My children need me more then anything else so that's who I'll give my all to. Enough about me write me on the mothers page to let me know how everything is going with you : ) net
    LUNAGODDESS's Avatar
    LUNAGODDESS Posts: 467, Reputation: 40
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    #11

    Aug 1, 2006, 09:14 PM
    Now, since you are a Christian and your concern according to your faith is of important what is cited in John 8:4 is clearsaid to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of Adultery.5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?"6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with
    His finger.7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw astone at her."8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
    9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones
    First, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.
    10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"11 "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
    Now, is it clear... no you have not committed a sin... make a sandwich and go to bed...
    Jnet29's Avatar
    Jnet29 Posts: 88, Reputation: 13
    Junior Member
     
    #12

    Aug 3, 2006, 07:29 PM
    Hi, you are right jesus did say this, I was just really worry I had committed adultery I didn't want to do anything to displease god or hurt him, or my husband even though I have a strong feeling he is doing something wrong. Net

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