The ex

Geckobellie · Jan 13, 2009, 10:00 AM

I agree do agree alcohol ruins the lives of people in the alcoholics life as well. I guess, what I am seeking here is if the ex is gay-She is married to a man and slept with two woman and me for 3 years-I think she went to the rehab to blame the alcohol for the lesbian activity and yet-continues contact to me the ex woman-Would a rehab tell her to do this?
Alcohol would not effect you having lesbian sex with two woman for that long-I've heard of girls experimenting once but, for years? She even called me in front of the husband and said she loved me and I heard him in the background and yet-When I cut contact and moved away from all this she texted me to be friends and I said "No"-I want you or nothing and she says "Okay-I understand-I will let you be" and then texts me a few months later-I need help to deal with what she is doing-Is she gay? Why, do this after all the rehab?

Justwantfair · Jan 13, 2009, 10:27 AM

I don't understand on how confirming her sexual orientation helps your situation. You are making the right choice for yourself to stay out of the situation. Now is the time not to dwell on it either. Just let this relationship go for your own health and well-being.

Geckobellie · Jan 13, 2009, 11:23 AM

Your right. I just feel that this being my first time with a woman and she was 20 years older than me that she should have known at this point in life what she was or is. She has two daughters only 10 years younger than me and I wonder if she'd like her daughters sexuality turned into question by someone whom is a perverted old lady I guess.. I have a heart and a conscious need to make things right. This old lady-told me she loved me and pulls all this. Hurts and seems like she has no point or any life goals-except to harm people over and over... I pray she leaves the group in Miami alone-be aware Florida you have a sheep in wolves clothing--She will decieve you and drag you through the mud...

I pray for Florida!

Justwantfair · Jan 13, 2009, 11:32 AM

Wow, there is a lot to this story, I think that I missed. Is your question more that you do not know your own sexual orientation thanks to the fact that she victimized you? Have you sought out counseling? I feel sorry for the situation that you are in.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 13, 2009, 11:41 AM

She may be gay and has fought it all her life which can be why she turned to alcohol and sexual affairs. At any rate, whether she is or not is not important. What you need to do is remove yourself from her life and stay removed.
This lady has problems that you are not equipped to deal with and should not have to.

Geckobellie · Jan 14, 2009, 04:30 AM

I am so happy I found this site. I need someone to talk to about things.. Thank You all so much for taking the time to help me... I am gay, although I never experienced it prior to her. I finally found myself in the relationship and then to have such pain from it I know wonder are all gay relationships this messed up? I have not pursued anyone in the hopes she went away to deal with the sexual issues and did want me. My hopes we dashed this week when she told me she has moved to be by her AA support groups in FL. I wanted her to close my mind for me. I wanted her to say she doesn't love me and that she has moved on and yet, when posed the question she stopped any texting. I would have had closure to any mind freaks I was having in my head. I had hoped she was well enough from the rehab and halfway house to address me in honesty for the last time. She, keeps up contact-So, this is why I have questions. I f she had cut all contact I would have by now just moved on-but, each time I feel a glimmer of hope she comes back with a text or a hang up call and it hurts my heart. When, I ignore them she stops and then does it again in a few months as long as six months. This pattern with her has gone on for years now.
The pattern of text or call then ignore has been ongoing longer than the relationship itself.
If, this makes any sense to anyone-When you have even a hetrosexual relationship and it ends, or a marriage and it fails-you get closure. The person dumps you or divorces you and they usually stop communication and they move on and you move on. Even, if they do call at first or send an e-mail or whatever it may be-Eventually it gets old. This, has gone on forever. I am not unstable-I promise you all that. I fell in love with someone for the first time and I felt whole. I came to accept me as a gay woman and was ready to make a life with her and even her kids whom for obvious reasons hated me. There is so much to the story-I could never type all the things done to me.. She accused me of being a stalker--I am not one and yet she contacts me--The perosn she thinks stalked her...
I am so lost-This is so helpful though to hear everyone's thoughts and opinions-I am so glad to have found this site... Much Love to all of you

Justwantfair · Jan 14, 2009, 06:26 AM

As you will continue to find on this site, even heterosexual relationships do not always and rarely end with closure.

You have to give yourself the closure and the first thing I would suggest is changing your telephone number so that the text messaging stops. You are right to want to move away from the pain this woman has caused to your life, but you have to take control over the situation.

Good luck to you.

talaniman · Jan 14, 2009, 06:38 AM

Your only issue is moving on from this relationship, and stop trying to figure out what her thoughts, and motives mean.

You do that by deleting her emails unread, and sending them to spam, and have nothing more to do with her. Let her husband worry about this whack job and her issues.

No Contact whatsoever will let the emotional dust settle, so you can make better decisions for yourself, and stop feeding off this nut! Your making her problems yours, and that's not necessary.

Its not about sexuality, its about you both letting go of each other and moving beyond it, and any contact with her at this time will keep the confusion going, and stop the healing process.

She is irrelevant, what you do for yourself is the focus.

Geckobellie · Jan 14, 2009, 11:27 AM

I agree-I am going to block her out of my mind and hope that she has had enough as well.
So, Once the heart mends andy suggestions on how I go about meeting woman like me in a safe place. I work seven days a week and well my father has threatened my if I life my life this way-he would end my life for me. I worry about that-I think he thought she was the issue and once gone it would end but, I know I am a gay woman-and to fake life to me is not what I want to do nor does it satisfy me to lie about who I am or play games-This time I want to love and be loved--What are the 12 steps I take to move on and meet a world of who I am?

claudestraub · Jan 14, 2009, 12:52 PM

Yes dump him

talaniman · Jan 14, 2009, 03:11 PM

It starts with loving yourself, and being happy with who you are. You then have something to share with someone, who is happy with who they are. Thats the first step.

Flyflyaway · Jan 14, 2009, 04:14 PM

Awe hon... you have to let her go. How everyone answered your question is the way to do this. I have been openly out as a lesbian for 7 yrs. I came out to my mom at 15. I am now 28. Your first girlfriend is and always will be the hardest. Ask any lesbian out their, its gut wrenching even after several years have past. Once you finally let her go, no emails, no texting, NOTHING! Only then will you find true inner happiness. There is a woman out their for you. Another thing, dating in the lesbian world takes work, communication and tolerance. Age gaps are very common in a lesbian relationships, that is sometime a very hard hurdle to get over as time goes on. You have the rest of your life to find her, stop waisting you EVER so precious time and find stuff that makes you happy. Realize, this was only one girl and your life is more important and go out their and LIVE! These little emails and such she sends, DELETE THEM! Don't look at them, just delete them, it's a game. You are worth much more and you know that. I can tell. So get out their and grab LIFE while you can. Make YOU happy, then everything else will fall into place. Remember that. Good Luck Girl!

Geckobellie · Jan 15, 2009, 04:47 AM

Thank You, it is nice to hear from someone who understands what it is like. I hope to get well each day that passes. It is hard for me as I was sincere about things-I do know that she used me and still tries to do some sick thing by communicating here and there. I want to be happy and well. I never dreamt finding my sexuality was so heartbreaking. It hurts to think it was some sick game to her and how much it meant to me. I was treated like a dog and I knew it and just prayed she was having issues coming out and it would pass and things would work themselves out. I am not big into the websites for meeting-I am that girl that has to feel that spark-if you, know what I mean-I live in NJ--Is anyone out there that knows where I can meet people like me to even just do things at the moment in NJ.. A nice place not some sexual meat market-I am good girl-with a broken heart-making my way step by step... You guys are really great help...

talaniman · Jan 15, 2009, 05:25 AM

Your not alone, I think we all go through that phase of self discovery, where we are finding ourselves, and want to be accepted. As you plod through this period in your life, you can build on activities you enjoy, and the things that make you happy, as you move toward the things in life you want. A plan that makes you better where you can accomplish small realistic goals will help you be confident in yourself, and that will attract many people to your circle.

Its all about being good to yourself, and building on it, slowly and surely. Be patient as things tend to happen in there own time and there really is no hurry.

Geckobellie · Jan 16, 2009, 08:14 AM

I was speaking to a Social Worker and I was informed as by everyone on this site that the ex-in their opinion has manipulated the twelve steps to suit her needs. I am so sick of being hurt in my life by phoney's. All, I want is to be happy with my new found sexuality and freedom from the beast I once knew. I am so mad though that she raped my heart around. I am so much wanting to love and to have my face slapped because of her selfish ways is disgrace full. I wonder if the old saying is true-what comes around goes around? I wonder too how the husband feels now-He said to her one time I was a big mistake-Who made the mistake now?---I need help getting past the baggage and anger-I have stopped thinking of her as a future-but, the anger is huge toward her

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