[porsha2]

Hello,
<my Fiancé and I had a baby in Sept he is 4 months old and going through this phase of not wanting to sleep anywhere but in mommy's arms so all day while trying to cook supper, do dishes and laundry and taking care of my fiance's crazy dog who wakes baby up, I'm trying to get baby to sleep in his crib, and not nurse him to sleep. So I've got a screaming baby in my ear most of the day because he won't sleep and I'm up sometimes ever hour for anywhere up to an hour and a half trying to get him to go back to sleep.
SO my fiancé instead of staying home on the weekends goes out fishing even when I tell him I don't want him to go he goes part days, But it's the weekend he should be spending some time with his Family I can't leave the baby with him because he doesn't know him and he can't put him down to sleep. When he gets invited to parties or concerts he sais I'm going not there's this party or concert do you want to go? My mom and I recently discovered that's the way his father and mother did things His dad would go out and his mom would stay home. I'm not the stay at home type I love fishing, and horses I haven't gone riding more than once in over a year! But when I try to get him to do that he won't he says I've got plans and goes fishing the other day he said he was going to go crazy if he didn't get to go fishing... I said how do you think I feel I've been stuck in this house for 4 months and he just doesn't get it at all. I might as well be a single mother. I just want My family together I don't want to have to rely on other people I want to be able to rely on my fiancé or this isn't going to work . I don't know how to tell him he just doesn't get it. I could go on and on I don't know how to get through to him do I have to take the baby and go in order for him to understand this?

[this8384]

At 4 months old, your baby should be able to sleep on his own. Do you lay him down and leave him for a long time? Make sure he's fed, burped, has a clean diaper and then lay him down. If he's screaming when nothing's wrong, it's because he's learned that you'll eventually come pick him up. Sometimes, babies will scream for hours before finally giving in and going to sleep; just be patient and try not to go into his room when he's crying.

Is this your and your fiance's first child? He might be freaking out being a new parent; he's used to being able to do what he wants, when he wants but now the baby needs to come first and he's not sure how to make the transition.

Find a reliable babysitter or leave your baby with a family member; take a night and go out together, alone. Go have dinner, go dancing... just do something as adults and have fun! :)

[Jake448]

Wow, this sounds like a lot like the way my parents lived their lives. In their case, nothing changed over time and my dad kept doing the same thing until they separated after over 15 years of marriage. You guys really don't seem to be on the same page, you need to tell him all that. Whatever you feel and what you posted right above, that is what I think you should tell him, otherwise this will keep going. He will keep thinking everything is fine and you will keep getting bothered by it. His reaction will tell you if he really wants you or if he wants a different lifestyle. I am assuming here of course that the baby you had is from him, otherwise it may be a different situation.

[Starbucks21]

Is there any way you can fish with him... You and him and if possible the 4 month old baby? Like having a family outing... I'm not saying stop family time... I'm just saying join in. Maybe his family will recognize what's going on with the baby to and help you solve it. (this of course doesn't work with the concerts and parties but it's a start)

As far as the rest... You need to talk to him and figure out ways you can work with him. This is the most important part of relationship/parenting.

[talaniman]

How old are you both, and how long have you been together?

[jillrenee15]

If I were you, and I am you, but I'm married (5yrs) to the part time family man, I would consign myself to being a single parent. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! You will then be tied by law and money, not just children. My husband is a truck driver. He is gone 4 days a week. I knew this when I married him. We now have an 11 and 2 yo. When he gets home for the weekend, he wants his friends, and time out of the house, and to talk to everyone, BUT us. I work shift work and count on him being home on weekends so we don't have to pay a sitter. I figure if he's not at work, he should be with his family. He says I'm with you guys all the time, I need my time too. HIS time? Do I ever get an hour to myself between two kids, housework, and work? No.

But, I've just recently avowed to let it go. Just let it go. It's too stressful on me. He will NEVER see your point of view. He's missing everything. All the firsts. His loss. I don't count on him for anything now. I told him, I'll live my life, you live yours. I line up sitters when I have to work, I take the kids and do what I want whether he's there or not. We can't divorce right now, can't afford it.

You say he's your fiancé, but please go to pre marital counseling at your church or elsewhere before you even THINK about getting married. You need to discuss these things and come to agreements about them BEFORE you committ. We didn't, and now it's too late.

[lisa1122tx]

You have some pretty good advice but I wanted to touch on one subject with the baby. If the baby cries because he knows you will pick him up or is he crying from pain? My nephew had colic and he cried all the time. My dad told his mother to give him goats milk and after trying everything the doctors suggested she tried the goats milk. The doctors stressed to her not to do this. He stopped having colic and has grown into a fine young man. He is taller than any of the other cousins and his uncles. Goats milk worked wonders. My dad knew more than those doctors did I guess. I'm guessing the baby has learned this behavior but I just wanted to touch on this subject just in case. Good luck