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udayp · Jan 10, 2009, 05:18 AM

A girl I love is 13 years younger then me. But I love her a lot she is 23 I'm 36 now. Would age matters

ja77 · Jan 10, 2009, 05:32 AM

To answer your question it really 100% depends on you and the person you want to be with.

As you are asking the question, it means that there must be something you feel is an issue with the age gap.

Starbucks21 · Jan 10, 2009, 11:59 AM

Yes and no...

It does cause a few problems though...

ja77 · Jan 10, 2009, 12:56 PM

It does cause a few problems though...

When you say problems what kind have you had ?

Can you please try and give a little more background info also please so we can help give you a better answer or advise.

Alty · Jan 10, 2009, 12:58 PM

It's up to you and the girl, although she's actually a woman now. For some people a 13 year age gap can cause problems, but it depends on the people involved, the family of those people and how they feel.

If both of you are committed to making it work, then I don't see a problem, other than the usual relationship hurdles that everyone has.

starbuck8 · Jan 10, 2009, 04:18 PM

You didn't mention if she loves you, or any other details. You are both adults, if these are your true ages. But, I have to say it really depends on your situation. With her being relatively young, she is going to be interested in different things at this stage in life right now, in terms of her maturity. You are at different places in your life. She is basically just starting, and you have likely gone through the stages she has yet to go through. I would think it would have to do a lot with your compatibility and your willingness to live in Her "young world," that she is experimenting with and learning to deal with, at her age. Many girls that age are very mature, some not... and vice versa with your age.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 10, 2009, 04:22 PM

There is no problem with the age difference unless you make it one.
Since you are mentioning it, there must be a issue what is it.

N0help4u · Jan 11, 2009, 05:47 PM

IF others are saying and doing things to bother you about it ignore them, Most people make issues out of things they are jealous about, If she is as mature and wanting to make it work as you then N0 problem, It is hard to find a good relationship any more so when you find what's right for you go for it.

dontknownuthin · Jan 12, 2009, 01:23 PM

It will probably be an issue with her family and friends. It can be an issue in that you may have different priorities, you will retire well before she does. She may want children, you may not and so on and so forth. Not to throw out stereotypes but men I've known your age who've gone after women her age have themselves been very immature, and the women don't have the life experience to recognize it. Seriously assess whether that is the case with you. If you are both mature, and have the support of family and friends, and are both ready, go for it.

chrissymarie · Jan 15, 2009, 03:20 PM

Form experience... me being 20 and my ex being 30... Yes age matters and things will get very very difficult because of it. Unless your ready to win an uphill battle together don't even get married.

kp2171 · Jan 15, 2009, 03:58 PM

Well, what do you connect on?

I know people who are within a year or two of each other who will not last.

If you can't have reasonable talk and overlap concerning sex, goals, money, lifestyle, religion (or not), what does it matter if you are two or twelve years apart?

My wife is several years older than me. My previous love was several years younger than me.

Was it "wrong" to date a woman almost 12 years younger than my bethrothed? no.

The earlier mate was mature, had many areas of overlap... our only issue was she wasn't ready to settle down (and knew this before we dated) and I was (and took a chance on her)...

My aunt married a man 12 years older. They have a good life together.

The concern id usually have is that the less experienced person doesn't completely know herself (who does anyway)... the more experienced I became, the more I understood what I needed.

The most obvious issue I've seen simply ties into social dynamics... a person who is much older might not seek out the same social scene that a younger person would... and social structure and relationships are important, no matter what age you are.

Gary chapman says couples show love to each other through five basic actions... Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, and Quality Time... the more you find overlap in these five areas, the more solid the relationship.

That doesn't mean you can't be skewed toward some more than others. I respond well to physical touch and affirmation. My love responds best to quality time and affirmation. The idea is the more overlap you have, the better you can weather times when one area falls off... for ex, physical touch might diminish when a lover is stressed, sick, or otherwise distracted...

So... I don't have any problem with the general number you state (13 years) but I do wonder if she is ready... I know what I wanted at 18 and 21 and 23 were not the same things that I wanted at 28... if she were 30 and you were 43 id probably be less hesitant... she is still young.

Not that it was all wrong... but time and experience seemed to bring a clarity to what my needs were...

So she might absolutely be vested, ready, and right.

And you asking DOES NOT mean you aren't ready. Not one bit.

Please.

I'm ten years into a good relationship and there are days when I'm unsure and days when its rock solid. Anyone who has a claim of absolute certainty is either lying or beyond mortal.

starbuck8 · Jan 15, 2009, 07:31 PM

I absolutely agree with kp! (had to spread the rep) My concern was not about the 13 year gap in age, but the possible difference of the stage of life you are in for the relationship to survive the age gap. Some young girls are very mature for their age at 23, but their lifestyles, energy levels, and interests may not mesh with those when you are 36, and see things from a perspective that is gained with age. I believe you have concerns in this area, and that is why you felt the need to ask this question.

Although there is nothing wrong with the age gap, as you are both free to make your own decisions, I would consider the things mentioned above by kp, and some of the other advice given also. You can love someone, but that doesn't necessarily mean that a marriage will work if the foundation isn't set well before the "I DO's" are said. You will need to remember that you've have a lot more life experience than she. As she gets older, her priorities and mind set may shift.

complicatedlife · Jan 15, 2009, 07:50 PM

Girl mature faster I don't think they would be a problem...

Alty · Jan 15, 2009, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by complicatedlife

girl mature faster i dont think they would be a problem....

Really? Do you have proof of that or are you just guessing?

She'd have to mature pretty darn fast in order to catch up.

Once again, I don't think it's wrong, I just think that the two of you are probably not at the same point in your lives, and that may work against you.

starbuck8 · Jan 15, 2009, 07:58 PM

Originally Posted by complicatedlife

girl mature faster i dont think they would be a problem....

Girls may mature more quickly, but you feel much differently at the age of 23, than you do at the age of 36. You don't have the same frame of mind that you do at the age of 36, nor do you often have the same social interests and goals in life. You can't just say that all girls mature more quickly, and just leave it at that. That is simply not true.

450donn · Jan 16, 2009, 03:01 PM

The problem I see is, lets pretend for a minute that you actually get married and live a long happy life together. OK, now you are nearing 70 and want to retire. She is only 57 and has another 13 years until she can retire. What are you going to do. Leave her at home working and go on your own? How about when she hits 70 and wants to do some traveling now, but wait a minute you are now 83 and really hurting and not interested in traveling. What happens then. She leaves you?
Age differences are not that big of a deal after 25 or so, but you really need to think this through completely.

Starbucks21 · Jan 16, 2009, 07:58 PM

Originally Posted by ja77

When you say problems what kind have you had ?

Can you please try and give a little more background info also please so we can help give you a better answer or advise.

My parents have a ten year age gap and I know a few larger...

The relationship has a strong tendency to become a parent child relationship (at times even grandpa and child) and while yes not every relationship works out. There's the plain simple fact that the couple doesn't mature at the same level.

For example. A 30 year old man may feel like he's running out of time to start a family if he wants one. A 20 year old woman may be a little more interested in the party lifestyle. These types of issues will arise often with most of the couples I know. The point is... while the age gap does thin there is a gap between 40 and 50 or 20 and 30, or even 50 and 60.

The basic problem is... the couple wants to act their age. So the main problem is a lifestyle one and yes plenty of same age couples can have lifestyle problems and not work out. But it has a tendency to be 1 less thing to worry about. Because the age gap couple will face the other problems too.

As crazy as this sounds everybody ages and grows and changes... It's really just a matter of if you want the person to grow old with you or before you

sea shell room · Feb 10, 2009, 06:24 AM

"Hey go for it"! If the two of you are in love first thing is to keep family and friends out of the business part of your relationship. Close but not in your business.
Show your love in public this seems to keep the haters at bay. Always defend each other.

sherri68 · Feb 10, 2009, 11:31 PM

IF you said she was 27 I would say she's well on her way to maturity... but 23 is still very young so it just depends. Are you a mature 36 year old... if so what do you want from the relationship? Can she support you the way in which you might need her to when you lose a loved one or you need to refi and need to discuss it... or you want to talk about something real serious that might not go with her shoes... no pun intended.. I'm not in any way saying this is who you are dating... there are mature young adults out there but few... and truth be told 20's are for those senseless good times... so really why should it be expected that someone in their 20's be mature enough to entertain a grown adult... at 20 something... it's likely that you will be going through the "who am I" insecurities and "why do I feel this way" so it really just depends on where she's at mentally and where you are at mentally... not excluding intellectually and emotionally... I'm 13 years older than my man and truth be told.. I wasn't very interested in a relationship until he opened his mouth... to me younger men are quite the challenge and should be rode with caution haha... but there are some to my surprise that are mature , meaning minus games and not a jackass.. and some of them want it all.. great sex, brains, wit and spontaneous combustion... lol! And well truth be told the only thing really good about aging like the good old wine is it does get better in time... you know who you are what you want and most importantly what you you don't want... good luck!

sherri68 · Feb 10, 2009, 11:38 PM

It's really just a matter of if you want the person to grow old with you or before you..,. that is insecurity rearing it's head again... I don't want my man to grow older after me.. but then again... I'm in better shape than him... he looks mid 30's I look mid 30's ha! So we're the same age.. no no just playing... yes there are age gaps... but everyone has to agree that if you do not share the same goals values and morals doesn't matter what age.. the relationship friendship or otherwise won't last... yes, it is challenging most likely when others have opinions because when it's just you two there is no challenge provided your on the same level but you bring everyone and they're opinions about what they feel comfortable with and you might as well say goodbye now...