[YeloDasy]

Ok, I have to update you guys... and please prepare yourself for throwing more stones! :) I was weak and called to say hi... just to say hi... honestly... but I ended going over there and talked for awhile... and of course things came up about our break up. (not my intention, but I am not surprised either) Basically he says that I am amazing, and I am a great great person, but communication is key and he thinks that we have different styles. And I agree... but I think it is workable... and he thinks it might be, but that he just doesn't have the time. He said that if he didn't have all the stuff on his plate (school, work, kids, homework, etc... ) he would definiately make the effort. He also holds grudges about petty issues from the past... that he continues to hold on to, that hurts communication because he stays frustrated and that is what he doesn't have the time for. So I agree that is the problem, and the only problem... but we disagree on how easy it is to fix... and he take total responsibility for that. So in some ways I feel better, and other ways I feel like I have more to add (that co-dependent need to explain and tell my side! ) Things ended up happening, and he feels bad cause he doesn't want to lead me on. I am okay with how the night went, and I agree that right now, it can't work... but I want to remain friends... and keep contact... and now I am feeling defensive and want to explain more about what I see about that night... now that I have reflected. He says that he is graduating college in December and I guess I don't know what that means... and no, I am not going to get my hopes up, but I am just more confused now. I know I KNOW I shouldn't have gone there... but I did, and its been a few days with no contact since then... so I am venting here... I've been wanting to call, or e-mail... but I haven't. I keep changing my mind and my moods about it all... sometimes I want to explain that his assumptions about some things were wrong and that he is projecting his actions on to me, as if I am doing things, but reality is that he is doing them, and I want to point that out... but other times, I just want to lay low and let him reflect. He has a lot of insight about himself, and me... and I trust that he will see things eventually... but geez! So part of me wants to e-mail him on his daughters birthday next week just to say hi and have a reason to be friendly and keep contact with no pressure... but I don't trsut my decisions right now... OK, stones please, I need your thoughts... thanks for listening... I would rather write here than to e-mail my thoughts to him... and yes I have been listeing to you guys... I was good for 3 weeks... and normally I am very co-dependent and hate rejection(which he pointed out that other night too "io think you are here cause you are feeling rejected and want to feel better" , so I will fight the loss, so I am doing good based on my past behaviors in ending relatiionships(I usually keep contact no matter what)... and this time I am backing off more than I have before... but I know I still need to make progress! Thanks!

[valinors_sorrow]

You need help with your codependency and I hope one day you seek it. I see I have little else to offer so I bid you adieu and wish you good luck.

[Wildcat21]

If he wanted to be with you he would. He would climb mountains, jump thorugh hoops, swim oceans.

He was just being nice. It is you.

Counseling is king.

[YeloDasy]

Well, thanks for your comments. Sorry if it seems that I am beating a dead horse... but I was just venting. I know it seems like I am out of control with my issues, but that is not really the case! Haha I have been dating, going out with my friends, meeting new people, talking to my friends about everything, keeping busy, and I am not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I even had a date tonight. I just know that my issues are what I have been saying, as well as knowing that when I get angry about problems (grieving process) that's when I am weakest... which is what happened the other day. I do appreciate your comments, but please know that I am looking for support to continue my journey of personal growth, even when I have my bumps! :) So my life is not all about this right now... just venting here when I feel the need... so sorry if it seems as though I am not willing to make efforts, I totally am... just need motivation! Thanks! You guys are helpful...
I read other posts and you are really supportive to those who are sooo drowning in their sadness... who have a hard time moving forward... and I am moving forward a lot... so I have come a long way and I know myself well and have great insight... and I have a positive attitude... so don't give up! :) I've been giving some advice and posts to others and I think that has helped me too! Thanks again, this has been good for me!

[talaniman]

Keep coming back, never give up on yourself.