[Spoon530]

K I need all the input I can get that would be great thanks.

So how the story goes is I met my friends sister at work. She has been engaged for 5 years were both 19 yrs old. At first I didn't think nothing of it but as time went by we started to talk more and more about anything and everything at work. Then months past by I started to like her a lot. We chilled outside of work to see how it would be and let me tell you it was fun. I told her how I felt and she smiled and said she felt the same way. She tells me how her man treats her and how it takes to her breaking point for him to understand what she's trying to tell him. She would do so much for him but he doesn't care he just goes off and smokes weed with his buddies. After all the time I spent with her Ive really started to fall in love we kissed yes, in the back of my mind she is engaged but they aren't married. Its not how I want it to be because she has to go back to him in the end. And what we are both doing is wrong but if feels so right. I would love to be with this girl is there ever a chance for me? We talked to each other and came to a decision. I want her to chose for herself who she wants to be with. I told her that if you don't have those feelings for him like you use to then we can start slow and work from their. But if you want to try to work things out with him then be my guest, it hurts yes but you know ill be here for you to help you through. But I want to let her know I can be that guy, I don't want to be the guy standing on the sideline forever. I mean I treat her better than this other cat. I know 5 years is a very long time and your in that comfy zone but isn't it about time to break free from that strain? I don't know what to do now there is nothing I can do though if she wants to work things out with the other dude then all right. Any input would be appreciated I know truth hurts but hey ill take it all I am a big boy. I would right the whole story but I don't know if you want to hear it I just put the main facts.
Thanks everyone for listening!!

[Clough]

Hi, Spoon530!

Five years before 19 is 14. 14 years of age is hardly a time for anyone to be thinking about who they will be spending the rest of their life with. Really engaged? It doesn't look like that to me.

From my point of view, it would seem to be that they have a co-dependent relationship that isn't going to last in the long run. If she's really committed to the other guy, then she would be acting like that as well as letting you know her intentions of remaining committed to him.

If I were you, I would suggest gently continuing to pursue her and see what happens, but not to be in any kind of rush in doing so.

Hopefully, others will also come along to address your question.

Thanks!

[HistorianChick]

The first thing that you need to realize is the fact that she is cheating on her fiance' with you. When a person is in a relationship they are off limits. Period.

It doesn't matter if she is not happy with him, if she thinks he treats her bad, or if he is a disgusting druggie, she is still with him and that means that she is not available.

If she cheats on him with you, what's to say that she won't cheat on you with someone else.

Yes, you're right, she needs to decide, but you need to leave her alone. Don't be "that guy." Leave her alone, let her make up her mind.

[ordinaryguy]

Ahhh, one of life's great mysteries! Why would a kind, sensitive and caring woman stay with a domineering, jealous and abusive man?

And another: Why would a kind, sensitve and caring man waste his gifts wooing a woman who stays voluntarily in an unhealthy relationship?

I don't know, but I'll bet if you penetrated either of these mysteries, you'd also solve the other one.

I'd put my bet on it being some kind of subconscious strategy to avoid having to subject those high ideals and aspirations for the perfect love to the test of actual life experience.

[Romefalls19]

I'm going to go against the mold and say stay away! If she's still in this relationship then there has to be a reason. She has a ring on her finger and for most guys, that should mean off limits. She hasn't got her stuff together or thought out, then when she breaks up, if she does, do you want to be a rebound guy?

[talaniman]

Talaniman rules- Leave females in a relationship alone, and find one who is free, single, and available.

Relationships that start off with lying, cheating, and deceit, end up that way.

[Spoon530]

Thanks everyone for your input, I appreciate it. I will still be friends with her but its going to hurt when I see her. But I guess imma have to let time play its roll and see how the story ends, bad or happy at least I can say I've been through that experience so I can help out others if they go through the same thing.

[NItEMArE129]

Try not to let it hurt you too much. Think of her as a friend instead of a girl who you liked but could never have. Changing the way you think about her will help you big time.

[ZoeMarie]

To be honest, I don't even think that being friends with her is a good idea if you have feelings for her. You're just asking to be hurt.

[Spoon530]

Yea but the thing is I work with her lol. I don't want it to be awkward at work. I don't want her to like me for this situation so ill let it be. I want someone to like someone where they don't have to look back and think if only this and if only that you know. You think that's a good idea?

Thanks everyone!
More input would be grateful! I need all I can get.

[bigawr23]

Hey, I just posted something kind of similar to your post. I know its been quite a few years but before you tell me if you do tell me what happen let me go back to 2007 or 09 whenever this was and tell you. (Im 25 by the way, I was 20 or so back then and think the same or better now)

As hard as it is. I agree with most answers. I think if you stay away from her feelings and just remain a true friend to her hopefully she will see that and make up her mind. Its hard to let those you love and have strong feelings waste their time with people that don't appreciate them but its her choice - she can leave it all in a sec and start fresh or just have the attention and mess around. Personally I wouldn't like that. I wouldn't like a girl that can potentially do the same thing to me. Even if we are in a healthy loving relationship. Some girls are deceiving.

Anyway. I just wanted to say that. I'm sure you did the right thing!