[cutie08]

OK so I have this friend and we dated awhille back but now weare just good friends. But I still like him a lot and we hook up sometimes when we hangout
And he tells me that he loves me a lot ans stuff like that
But says he doesn't want a girlfriend
But then a few weeks later he will have one but he will continue telling me that he loves me and miss us being together
But then I have another friend that I'm supre close with and he has went to school with him and knows how he is and says that he is a big player and he is just using me and wants to make sure I'm always there as a last resort and that he is just trying to get in my pants and he has forbid me to hangout with him
Because he doesn't want anything to happen to me
But I don't know who I should believe in this situation

Does anyone have any advice please

Thankk you

[talaniman]

Not hard to figure out if he tells you he doesn't want a girlfriend and he ends up with one, HMM... maybe he doesn't want you as a girlfriend. What does hook up when you hang out mean??

[Thomas1970]

Hi Cutie08,
I think your other friend is right, and I do feel you already know the answer. It is evident that he is primarily looking for what is commonly referred to as "friendship with benefits." Sort of one step above a "booty call", to use a very crude and demeaning term.
If you feel you have a good connection, you enjoy your intimate time together, you're being safe, and you do not expect more -- probably, no harm, no foul. Though I think it is clearly evident you want much more, as well you should.
If though, he has begun "dating" other people while this is going on, I definitely would not continue to tolerate or encourage this behavior anymore. Time to give him an ultimatum. Choose either you or someone else. And be firm with him. Though frankly, I feel you deserve much better.
Having been intimate this early on, I do feel you would likely encounter great difficulty in encouraging him to share a deeper connection, and respect you as more of a subject. He needs time to grow up yet. Forgive me for being a bit crude, yet again, but -- there is an old saying, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free." :(
I think it is truly time to move on and find someone more open and sharing; someone who will love you in a much broader context, and will treat you as the caring, complex and complete human being that you are. Don't settle for less than you deserve. Someone better will come along. :)