[confused4910]

Hey,
So I'm completely confused on what to do. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and we have had a "thing" for the past year in a half. He's everything I wanted in a guy. He is athletic, gorgeous, smart, funny, sweet, basically in my eyes.. perfect. Unfortunantly he's had a "troubled" pass with his ex. She's never really been out of the picture, she's always trying to bring us down to say the least. We had actually had two encounters and they weren't for the best. The second encounter words were thrown back and fourth then we ended up fighting. Now I know fighting doesn't solve anything but it happened. Anyway.. he'd always talk trash about her, I personally don't know her nor would I want too. They previously dated 3 years before him and I started talking and what not. I'm sure they've shared a lot of memories or what not but the thing is she's really protective of him and its to the point its like physco.He claims he hates her for what she had done to him in the past. I never really dug into their relationship problems because it really isn't none of my business because he was in a new one with me. You know? Well anyway he had moved in with his dad because of family problems which was an hour away. We still managed to make things work and seen each other, then I start hearing that she would travel up there to see him.. Believing him he always reassured me that they have nothing going on and he was over her and would want nothing to do with her. She'd honestly try any and everything to try and get him back, she'd say I'd be messing with his friends, his brothers, cousins,anything to try and convince him that I had been cheating. So knowing that she'd be messaging him this and he would take it into consideration kind of made me start to believe he still had some kind of trust in her. But yet still he would claim that I'm the only girl he wanted and how much he loved me, and all that mushy gushy stuff... You know the talk that makes your heart get all bouncy and what not.. yeah that's the talk. Well as of again I believed him. For a long while I didn't hear too much about her just that she'd say they still aren't over each other and I must be a fool to believe they are. Which really deep down I don't believe that they are. So he moved back in with his mom, which was great everything was going really good between us. Until this one night I was out of state and he was going out with his boys... Cool, I didn't have a problem with that I'm basically a sucker for his word. Well I know that when he goes out to a party.. its for the worst, its like shot after shot with mixed drinks and whatever. So at this party he runs into his ex... he swears up and down that he was pushing her off and kept rubbing the fact that I was better then her in more than one way. But she still kept coming onto him. He said his friends would push her away (we share the same friends) and then he said she left, so him and his boys just continued to take shots and get "faded". Well the stupid... girl.. showed back up this time he was completely gone and came onto him again.. Well I've had my share of nights I don't remember things but like I'm still in the right mind to know how far I'd go with someone. Well they ended up hooking up. The next day I was back in town, he kept telling me how sorry he was, I never really understood why he was so sorry. He would cry and just tell me how much he loved me. Still I didn't understand. Like none of these little signs made sense. Then he would like just tell me how he didn't want to lose me. The funny thing is that he had told me the whole story from the night before about how she was all over him and he kept pushing her off. He remembered everything and told me everything except for the fact that they had hooked up. Me being completely clueless about the whole happening I would just tell him I loved him too and he don't have to be sorry. Like I really didn't know or even have the slightest idea about it... I just figured it had something to do with his court date which was the next day. The next day while I was at school, he had texted me telling me how much I mean to him and how he's sorry for everything he has put me threw and just that he loved me more than anything. As of again I just figured he was afraid he was going to get sent off and didn't think I'd be there for him. That day he did end up getting sent off to like a boy's place to better themselves. I talked to him that week and again he told me how sorry he was and how I mean so much to him and he couldn't picture his life with out me.. blah blah blah. Well a couple days after I had talked to him I had got a message on myspace from his ex's friend. She told me how her friend was pregnant and how its my boyfriends baby. Of course at first I figured this was just another one of her games she played. So my heart sank yes.. because I kind of believed it. But I just let it be and blew it off, then some girls I was cool with started messaging me saying how messed up it was that he'd do that and she'd go that low to pull something like that. Up until this point I didn't believe it, so because I couldn't talk to him for another couple days, I decided to call his mom. She was completely honest about it and was like yeah I heard that he could possibly be the dad. My emotions went wild after this, like I blamed myself for looking past the truth this whole time. I finally got to confront him about it over the phone, and he told me the same story this time with "hooking up" included. I was torn, I couldn't believe it... He continually calls me saying how it was a huge mistake and he's real sorry and he'd do anything and everything to make it up. I really do love him, so unbelieveably much but how do I know if he truly means everything he says? Like what's the definition of love? How do you love someone so much but yet you manage to hurt them? I don't want to lose him, but I don't want him to think that every time he cheats that he can still have his way with me. This was the first time he claims to have cheated on me. He keeps asking me for a second chance. Like I just don't want her to have him. I want him to want me, and realieze what he's losing. So I'm just basically completley confused on what to do about this relationship. So any advice would be highly apprectiated!

[Starbucks21]

Ok... what's the short version?

It sounds like he cheated on you though and he's a jerk. We can and sometimes do love jerks.

But we need to get away from lying cheating jerks and find great guys that are wonderful.

In short REAL men don't hurt women... period

[talaniman]

Let him cheat on her, and you leave him alone.

[confused4910]

Thanks:)

[artlady]

Can You Ever Trust a Cheater?