[angelgurl27344]

I lost my son nolan when I was five months pregnant on August 7,2008. Its been almost five months and it hurts just as bad as the day it happened. Yesterday was supposed to be my due date,and since that day has come and gone I have more of a emptiness feeling,like everything was final. I don't think it really bothered me so bad until the holidays and my due date. My husband and I started trying again at the end of oct,I'm hoping I'm pregnant now, but I don't want anyone to think I'm replacing my son. I guess really the question is how do I go on with my life and stop concentrating on the what it would be like if my son were here?

[KristyRUdoingok]

Time that's all there is to move on with you life. Ots going to be hard and I know you may want something to speed up the process but the truth is, that's a little more difficult, I lost twins almost 3 months into my pregnancy, do to stress. All I can say for you is too keep healthy and ask a doctor the best advice for having a good pregnancy.
If you are pregnant now there will be some people after your knew baby is born saying things like "oh arent you glad this baby turned out healthy" or "arent you happy nothing happened" me speaking not from personal expierience but one of my co-workers had the same thing. He said it was hard and I told him not to worrie about it cause those people are not being rude intentionally but just not thinking before they speak, nothing can truly replace the memory of your first pregnancy and me I am one who is thinking the "what if's" every single day. Luckily I have been doing it less and less by focusing on other things. That is the best thing you could do.

Good Luck!

[450donn]

The pain will never go away. We still think about our baby after 35 years. But it has gotten far easier since we finally realized that we will see him/her some day in heaven with our Lord and savior. And that he will be perfect in every way. Maybe it is time that you seek some grief counseling to help you deal.
Search out this book;
Empty Arms - by Pam Vredevelt
Maybe it will help you in your time of grief. I know Pam personally and she has gone through a LOT, including the loss of one child and another child with Downs syndrome. So she is more than qualified to speak on this subject.

[topladyj]

I know how you feel sweetie at I had a misscarriage 7 years ago and it will get easier it hurt me bad for the longest time, I'd say about three years I was thinking less and less about her, still think about her. What she would and could have been, now though I do think about it from time to time but mainly just on the conception, due, and the lost date, is when it hits me the most. In a way I think of it as a blessing cause I was to young and her daddy just got sentenced to 35 years in prision for rape, now try explaining that to an 8 year old. I feel everything happens for a reason, you may not see it but there are reasons for everything. Good Luck I wish you the Best.

[LearningAsIGo]

First, let me say how sorry I am to hear about your loss. It's so devastating to go thru; I wish no one had to know that sort of pain. {{HUGS}}

Personally, I lost our baby at 13+ weeks in July. My due date would have been two weeks from now and that only amplifies the pain of loss. The holidays also make it difficult when you want to focus so much on family.

Grief takes its own time and it's perfectly natural to feel the pain for extended amounts of time. How can you ever really recover? There is no specific answer on when, but it will become easier at some point. For me, it helped to journal my thoughts and wear a bracelet with a cross that reminds me of our little one. Still, some days are just harder to deal with than others.

Trying to conceive again is something only you and your husband can decide. Don't worry about other people – they will understand that you are not trying to replace your dear Nolan--nothing can replace him—but you have to be able to heal and move forward. That's understandable and normal for anyone in your situation.
I wish you all the best in the future. I hope you can find some peace and have a baby to bring home one day soon.

[artlady]

I am so sorry for your pain.
I have no wise words to offer but I did find a site that has on line group meetings and I think that these people who have had the same heartbreak are better able to help you through this most difficult time.

OBGYN.net - Women's Health: Loss and Bereavement

[dontknownuthin]

I know what you are feeling - I had many miscarriages and ultimately adopted my son who is now a teenager. The answer is, you will always have a spot in your heart for your lost child. Some people get over miscarriages more easily, for some it is as if they had a life-long relationship with the child - the bond runs deeper and it's harder to let go. The right way to feel about it is how you feel. There may be better ways to cope and deal with your feelings, but don't let anyone make you feel badly that you are hurting.

That said, nobody short of maybe a complete idiot would think you were trying to replace your lost baby. You are trying to have a family and just as you might try for another child if your first baby survived, you are as normal people do, continuing to build your family. Your next baby and your last baby will both be part of your family - not as interchangeable people but as siblings. I have a sister who died after several months of life, and I was born a year later. I did not replace her - my parents lost her, and as separately added to the family with me. I am not her replacement - I am her sister.

The reality is many women know about pregnancy so early, we are aware of miscarriages sometimes that we never would have even known about years ago. I've heard that most women have a miscarriage at one time or another in life - yours was later and far more real to you than those that end before the mother is showing or feeling signs of pregnancy, but it's a cruel aspect of nature that many pregnancies do not result in a surviving child. It's so hard, and I wish you better times ahead.

All you can do is to try to gain perspective around your life in general and know that while this sad loss occurred, it does not mean you don't deserve happiness or to be a fully fulfilled mother to whatever children come into your life moving forward. While I lost many babies to miscarriage, I have accepted that it is OK that I feel totally fulfilled as a mother due to the surviving child I adopted. I celebrate him without regret or feelings of guilt because, well, I know I would have done all the things I do as a parent for each of those babies if given the opportunity, just as I do today for my surviving son.