[Nightwalk2]

Sometime mid September 2008 I me this girl at college. It was really weird because she came up and asked me a simple questions and for some reason before I had to go to my next class I felt like I HAD to go talk to her. So I did so and gave her my phone number said if she needed anything to call me.

About 2 days later I get this call from her saying she wanted to go out to lunch together. I got in my truck and headed out to this little place in town she wanted to meet. I of course paid and she was shocked by the fact that I bought her dinner... I thought it was the proper thing to do.

Anyway after about 2 weeks of seeing each other she wanted to come to my house. She came over and we ended up doing sexual things and she was embarrassed about it just because I suggested eating her out but she really had never had a guy do that before. So I did and she really really liked it.

For the next 2 months we had sex 2-3 times a week she really loved it every time. She never wanted to date though. She said her grandparents (who she lives with didn't want her dating while going to college.) I just said whatever and went with it and we both got very attached.

About a month later right around the first of November she ended up having sex with her best friend and started being really distant with me after telling me even though I told her it wasn't okay, but stuff happens and I forgave her. We weren't dating anyway so... it wasn't really cheating but it was.

The entire rest of the month I got paranoid all the time I always asked her if she was okay cause sometimes she seamed like she wanted to be close the next day she wouldn't even talk to me much. Finally last Tuesday she came over again and was very different she was cuddly and happy and we had sex again it was really nice. I was also able to give her something she never had... also I wasn't her first but she was my first. It was really nice.

The next day I went ot bed early not really feeling so good then wake up Thursday and she asked why I slept so long and I just told her that I slept for about 5 hours got up and I was thinking about her then just went back to bed and slept till then and she replyed with "I duno why you think about me all the time it makes me mad". I literally just got so upset cause I was so tired of all the ups and downs that the last thing making me happy was being able to think happy thoughts about her.

We ended up into a huge fight and she just told me so many times that she just wants to be friends. I don't know what to do because even though she said nothing was going to change other then we weren't going to have sex anymore. Well she rarely even talks to me now and never calls me like ever even though I told her so many times I like it when she calls me makes me feel better.

Im not the type ot get over things fast, but at the same time last night she admitted to me she likes me still and doesn't want to date or have sex anymore she just wants to be friends and I have no idea how to let her go that much without ending up super depressed. Sadly that is what has happened and I'm out of ideas or answers. I think its just she doesn't care anymore me anymore even though she told me she really does care about me still.

I don't really have many friends just because I'm not too social of a person but I'm out of ideas and I need help. The option of just "ignoring" her isn't going to work. Im going to end up in a worse position doing that then just being miserable that sometimes she talks to me sometime she doesn't and I have to get over having sex with her ever again.

Anyway thanks.

[plonak]

So you mentioned you didn't want us to say "stop ignoring her".. but you still asked for our advice and I'm going to tell you whether you want to hear it.. because it is the right way to go about it.. if you truly want to heal

You need to stop contact with her right now. She is using you. She is clearly not wanting a relationship right now.. to her you were just there to please her.. this girl doesn't seem like she's worth the effort you put in to her.

I know it's easier said than done. I too have gone through heartbreak, and it's AWFUL! But it's something you're going to have to get through..

If you just continue to hang on to her, hoping and dreaming, all you're going to do is prolong the pain.. true it seems the easier thing to do now.. but you WILL look back at it and wish did it differnetly

You need to start the healing process. And don't let the excuse that you don't have many friends be the reason why you cling on to her.. that's bull..

You can always meet friends. You need to get out there and do things you enjoy doing and you will meet people...

Deal with the pain now, be strong, and I promise.. with time you WILL FEEL BETTER!

[ZoeMarie]

She is using you. Sounds to me like she wants to be friends so she can keep you around. Break off all contact, as hard as it is, you'll be better off finding someone that DOES want a relationship. When someone is having sex with you but says she doesn't want a relationship, that's a red flag.