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Gearhe4d · Feb 18, 2009, 05:08 PM

This is the 9th day of No Contact.

Ran across an email from her saying that she wants me to "get on MSN more."

Also another email, giving me her new cell phone number.

I haven't replied to her at all yet, feeling really bad about it. Why is she still trying to contact me if she has this new boyfriend of hers?

heartbroke · Feb 19, 2009, 08:18 PM

How are you doing gearhe4d? I still feel the same about my girl, but Im going to the Caribbean for 1 month to do volunteer work to try and forget this mess

talaniman · Feb 19, 2009, 09:25 PM

Its not unusual for an ex to want to keep you in her life... as a friend.

Romefalls19 · Feb 20, 2009, 06:56 AM

Friends are good to have, if you can trust them. Why be friends with someone you can't trust?

what to do what · Feb 21, 2009, 10:24 PM

Her boyfriend is a scam

zeeniee · Feb 21, 2009, 11:25 PM

Originally Posted by Gearhe4d

This is the 9th day of No Contact.

Ran across an email from her saying that she wants me to "get on MSN more."

Also another email, giving me her new cell phone number.

I haven't replied to her at all yet, feeling really bad about it.Why is she still trying to contact me if she has this new boyfriend of hers?

Hi Gearhe4d,
You are doing the right thing for YOU- good for you- keep going forward- and don't look back, even thou it is hard.

The reason she still contacting you- is because she wants ALL HER DAMM CAKE and EAT it all to herself- and does not care about how this is unfair, how hard it is for you-- or how you feel about her. She just cares for her- and only her.

Keep going

ReeseLynn18 · Feb 22, 2009, 01:19 AM

I am actually in a current 5 year relationship with my boyfriend. I'm not going to say our relationship is great... because it isn't always great.

But we dated for about a year and a half.. and I told him I wanted a break because I wanted to concentrate on me, and hang out with friends and focus on school/work whatever the excuse was. But the thing is, is that break made me realize how much I loved and missed him! And we ended up getting back together.

She might be on a different page then you.. But you seem like a really sweet sincere guy and she WILL realize that she isn't going to find someone else like you that will always be there for her... but now its up to you... if she wants you back.. would you go back to her?

Dare81 · Feb 22, 2009, 02:05 AM

Originally Posted by Gearhe4d

This is the 9th day of No Contact.

Ran across an email from her saying that she wants me to "get on MSN more."

Also another email, giving me her new cell phone number.

I haven't replied to her at all yet, feeling really bad about it. Why is she still trying to contact me if she has this new boyfriend of hers?

She is contacting you because she misses you, you were a part of her life and now you are not. This does not mean she wants you back.As soon as you start contacting here she will start backing off again. So don't think about her.Keep on doing this NC thing.

heartbroke · Feb 22, 2009, 11:30 AM

Just watched the movie "My best friends girl". Made me think about this. Since it is so hard to find really nice guys like us, there will be that one a$s hole who she will find and make her appreciate us more, coming back to us would be a decision she would have to make.

wolfgangqpublic · Feb 22, 2009, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by Dare81

She is contacting you because she misses you, you were a part of her life and now you are not. This does not mean she wants you back.As soon as you start contacting here she will start backing off again. So dont think about her.Keep on doing this NC thing.

Also, take something away from this. Even though the relationship ended, and it's more than likely that she doesn't want you back, her continuing contact and statements like this show that you made a mark.

In the end, isn't that something worth being proud of? It shows that you were worth it, and you can be that for someone else again.

Gearhe4d · Feb 22, 2009, 01:19 PM

Originally Posted by ReeseLynn18

I am actually in a current 5 year relationship with my boyfriend. im not going to say our relationship is great... because it isn't always great.

But we dated for about a year and a half.. and i told him i wanted a break because i wanted to concentrate on me, and hang out with friends and focus on school/work whatever the excuse was. But the thing is, is that break made me realize how much i loved and missed him! And we ended up getting back together.

She might be on a different page then you.. But you seem like a really sweet sincere guy and she WILL realize that she isn't going to find someone else like you that will always be there for her.... but now its up to you ... if she wants you back.. would you go back to her?

Just out of curiosity, did you date anyone else during that break? Also I'm wondering how long it took you to start really missing him, and wanting him back.
.. and yes, I understand that my situation could be a lot different and there is a high chance that she won't ever come back.. but I'm just curious.

Entropic · Feb 25, 2009, 05:10 PM

So, this is Gearhe4d, it won't let me post, or do basically anything on the site now for some reason on my account, so I've switched over to this one for now.

This is about the third week of no contact, including MSN and well, anything.

Still feeling pretty terrible, and I keep getting e-mails from her saying things like "Get on MSN more," and I got another the other day, that I didn't want to read, because every time I read a new e-mail from her, I just feel even more terrible. I decided to read it last night, and it went like this- "Hey, we changed our house phone number to blah blah, because of a new phone plan, I really want to hear from you, I get on MSN every night and you never get on anymore. I don't know what your reasons are, but I hope it's for your benefit."

What am I supposed to make of this? She still has the new boyfriend as far as I know, and I don't know if I should say something to her, or just keep up with no contact. I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing by ignoring her now.

UnluckyDucky · Feb 25, 2009, 05:18 PM

Do the right thing for yourself first and foremost - keep NC my friend, keep NC. You need to let yourself fully heal before you can even consider the possibility of talking to her. I know the temptation is strong but you must resist.

Ex's typically like to try to stay in contact to see how you're doing to help themselves heal faster - but most of the time unintentionally they delay our healing by doing so. Stay the course and keep NC and ignore further attempts of contact from her.

Hang in there!

talaniman · Feb 25, 2009, 05:35 PM

I don't know if I should say something to her, or just keep up with no contact.

Keep NC, and delete her messages unread!

I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing by ignoring her now.

Keep NC, delete her messages unread.

Surely by now you have noticed the confusion that comes with any contact from her.

Entropic · Feb 25, 2009, 06:14 PM

Well, what am I supposed to take from that last part of what she told me? "I don't know what your reasons are, but I hope it's for your benefit."

Is this trying to make me feel guilty about no contact? If so, I like how I'm the bad guy for not talking to her and hearing about what her and her new boyfriend are doing and how much fun they are having.

artlady · Feb 25, 2009, 06:32 PM

Originally Posted by Entropic

Well, what am I supposed to take from that last part of what she told me? "I don't know what your reasons are, but I hope it's for your benefit."

Is this trying to make me feel guilty about no contact? If so, I like how I'm the bad guy for not talking to her and hearing about what her and her new boyfriend are doing and how much fun they are having.

You need to stop this obsession!

Second guessing her motivations and waiting for her to throw you a bone has gotten totally out of control.

Only she knows what she meant.

You have been given pages and pages of advice and while it is great that you have stuck with the NC,you just aren't listening to all the rest of the advice.

Its not just NC! Its getting on with your life and living in the now.

NC is just a tool.Without all the other tools you have been given,its worthless.

Begin the work of healing.Let go of what once was and stop holding on to this fantasy.

Jane Smit · Feb 25, 2009, 06:40 PM

You are getting good advice, and some may not be what you what to hear, but hang in there.

Molecular · Feb 25, 2009, 06:44 PM

Don't dwell too much on it, Trevor.
I also used to spent countless hours trying to decypher every little bit of information my ex gave me back then, but in the end it just wasn't worth it.

She might be trying to make you the bad guy, she might not. Maybe she just wants a response out of you. At the end of the day though, she really doesn't deserve anything from you, and as such you shouldn't give it to her.

So far you've been really strong, keep up the good work.

Entropic · Mar 8, 2009, 05:34 PM

I'm not really sure how long it's been now with NC, something like 5ish weeks I guess. No real emotional improvements on my part.

She seems to still be with her new boyfriend, I guess this is it huh?

Molecular · Mar 8, 2009, 08:23 PM

I'm sorry to say so Trevor but if you still haven't admitted to yourself that yes, this is indeed it, then that is probably the reason there's not been too much emotional improvement on your part. Either way though it'll take much longer than 5 weeks to heal.

It's a good thing you're still sticking with NC though, you just have to keep it going. How you know she's still with her new guy eludes me though, but I guess sometimes it's hard to avoid finding out these things completely.

I hope by now you're starting to see the bigger picture and realize that after she's been with this guy for a while now, even if they did break up and she wanted you back you could never live with any form of self dignity again if you let her. Keep it going man and focus on yourself and the things that make you feel better. You'll get there in the end.