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    flameruckus's Avatar
    flameruckus Posts: 93, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
    		  
    #1

    Jan 4, 2009, 11:42 AM
    Does this sentence make sense?
    Is this sentence grammatically correct? (I need it for a personal essay.)

    As I look back on my life, I realize I have completed many accomplishments, cultivated beautiful personal relationships, and created a strong legacy to be left behind.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
    Uber Member
    		  
    #2

    Jan 4, 2009, 11:50 AM

    It makes sense but is rather long it would look better if you broke it down into two or three sentences.

    As I look back on my life, I realize I have completed many accomplishments. I feel I have cultivated beautiful personal relationships, and created a strong legacy to be left behind.
    smearcase's Avatar
    smearcase Posts: 2,392, Reputation: 316
    Ultra Member
    		  
    #3

    Jan 4, 2009, 12:39 PM

    I think it is redundant in two places. Completed accomplishments? Accomplish is defined as completing. How about "achieved many goals".
    A legacy can't be left anywhere except behind.
    I would suggest "and created a positive and inspiring legacy"
    I am just trying to get rid of the redundancy and this is just my opinion.
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