[lashleyWW]

I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for nearly two years. I recently moved to another state with him and began a new job. I have been under a lot of stress at work and recently found out my Grandma has cancer. For New Year's Eve we went to his friend's house for a party. I did not know anyone there and was not looking forward to the evening at all, but went because I wanted to make him happy. I ended up drinking too much to make myself comfortable and blacked out after 130am. I do not know how much I had to drink or who I talked to. My boyfriend told me that he found me in an upstairs bathroom with another girl and accused me of kissing her. I am not bisexual and this really scares me because I don't know what happened. He said I cheated on him and this breaks my heart. I have huge bruises up and down my arms and I don't know where they are from. I am not trying to excuse any of my drinking - I know I drank too much and I rarely ever go out. I maybe drink once or twice a month and nothing ever got this bad. I don't know if it was the stress from my life or the fact I was uncomfortable at the party, but I drank too much and ended up throwing up all night and going home with the wrong shoes. I am grateful my boyfriend took care of me. He is truly a wonderful man and I would never want to jeopardize what I have with him. Still, I don't know what happened in the bathroom. I don't know who the girl was nor anything that took place. I have no idea what time this happened or when we left the party. I have resolved not to drink anymore - not that I am a big drinker in the first place, but I feel that drama is all too present when alcohol is involved. I don't know what to do. I apologized to him profusely and I know he is hurt, but I am scared because I don't know what happened. I just want to have this all just be a nightmare. He told me he was planning on proposing soon, but I ruined everything. I am so embarrassed. Any guidance would be appreciated.

[N0help4u]

You can't live in the past and he is willing to stay with you.
You need to make it up to him and prove to him that it was a one time mistake. No more drinking. Try planning a special Valentines day just the two of you. Let him know how special he is and how much he means to you.

[ITstudent2006]

I am a 21 year old engaged individual who has seen my fiancé kiss another girl. I was outraged. Shee told me it was just because of the alcohol and it didn't mean anthing. I was so mad and hurt that she kissed another individual and it pisses me off.

To be honest just tell him how you feel, tell him over and over that it was a mistake and that you and he both knows you're not bisexual/lesbian. It was a mistake and that you want to movve on with him in your life.

I know when I was upset as much as I wanted to be mad and push my fiancé away I loved it when she refused and hung on to me telling me how mcuh she cares and she wants it to be done with and move on with our lives together.

I am not sure if this will help but coming from a male that has been in your b/fs shoes I hope this sheds light on something.

P.S. If he tells you he was about to propose and that you ruined it,I would guess it was a in the moment rage taunt and that he didn't mean it. If he was serious about proposing then he still will. (I did):)

[liz28]

Life is about living and learning. Just learn next time to limit your drinking when your out and try to patch things up with your boyfriend. You can do something special for him, like his favorite dinner or something. Even though what happen was bad, things could've been worst and is he for sure that you kissed this girl at the mixer.

[ITstudent2006]

Liz is absolutely correct, it was a mistake you will learn from and it's a new stepping stone for your b/f and you to start from. A new trust and a special bond that was created out of this MISTAKE!

And yes it could have been worse, it could have been sex it could have been a MALE! Your b/f is well aware that it could have been worse and that realization alone will ease his mind!

Plan something special, he'll love it.

[artlady]

You made an alcohol induced mistake and beating yourself up isn't doing anyone any good.

Is your BF so without sin that he can crucify you for your mistake?

If he is letting this mistake change his feeling about marriage than he is emotionally blackmailing you.

You have said you will quit drinking and that is a big commitment to make .If he can't accept your apology and regret than maybe he needs to rethink his commitment.

Give it time and if he doesn't find it within himself to truly forgive(that means its over and it doesn't get brought up every time he is angry) than maybe you need to move on.

Make sure he understands that you understand his pain and tell him you want to move forward but if he can't forgive than maybe you should call it off.

How did you get so bruised? Did he get physical with you? Maybe he is so angry because he is defensive about his own behavior.

[Homegirl 50]

Maybe someone put something in your drink.
Where was the boy friend, was he not being with you?
All you can do is apologize and if he cannot accept that, especially since this is not something you normally do, don't beat yourself up over it.
He sounds a bit like a butt to me.

[lashleyWW]

It is really hard for me to deal with this and I want to thank you for your honest advice and opinions.

I don't know what happened at all. He said he didn't see exactly what happened, but knew something was going on. I wish I could remember anything. I feel so embarrassed and upset.

I asked him about the bruises when I discovered them and he said he didn't know. He only had two or three drinks and would never ever lay a hand on me. It is even more scary that I don't know where they came from. I had one checked out by a friend who is a doctor because it is so large and deep.

He was playing cards with some of his friends (I didn't know anyone there) and I felt like I had to be social for him so I played drinking games. He was sitting playing cards all night and I didn't know the game, so I didn't include myself.

Last year we just went out to dinner and then went home to watch the ball drop together. I told him before we left to go out that I would have preferred a quiet night in, but he said we never see his friends so I went with him.

[Homegirl 50]

Well if he knew something was going on, why did he not get his butt up and check on you?
If you don't normally drink and you have bruises on you that you don't know where they came from, I'm not understanding his anger at you.
Why is he not trying to find out what happened? Did you get a urine test or something to see if there was drugs in your system?
Your boyfriend s not looking to good in my eyes.

[lashleyWW]

I spent the whole next day sleeping and crying so I didn't get checked out. I don't know how I ended up upstairs and even though I am clumsy, I have never had a bruise this big - it takes up my whole upper arm. I know he would not hurt me physically so I am assuming I fell. I feel sick thinking about this. He has always been wonderful to me and although we argue sometimes, we have a wonderful relationship. He is my best friend and I feel as though I ruined everything and I don't even know what I did.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't see where you have done anything wrong. It seems to me something wrong was done to you and I don't understand your boyfriend lack of compassion.

[lashleyWW]

I know I was wrong in drinking too much and I told him that. I just want things to be okay between us again and I know that may take some time and a lot of communication and I am willing to do that for him. I am just afraid he may not forgive me for what I don't know happened - if anything.

Thank you for your support, though. It has really helped me get through today :)

[N0help4u]

If he didn't want to forgive you he would have ended it right there.
It will take him time and trust but you need to prove your love.
He may hold it against you for years to come but you have a chance. He is being forgiving instead of giving you the boot.

[kctiger]

There seems to be a lot to this story that is unknown, and the fact that your boyfriend is dictating to you what is the truth and what isn't, is a little unfair. Because you cannot remember everything you did, he continues to use every single facet of "his" truth to make you feel bad, and, as a nice person and appreciative girlfriend, you are naïve enough to believe everything. It seems to me that there is more than meets the eye here, and he is doing a great job of beating you up emotionally about it. You want to marry this type of person? There is much to learn about him and this entire situation before an engagement takes place... my opinion...

[jmw0713]

Umm, unless there is more to this story, I don't see the problem your BF is having.

My ex would make out with girls from time to time when drinking. It didn't bother me at all. I actually found it kind of interesting... :D

I think he is overreacting a bit. Keep talkiong to him and let him know you made a mistake and it won't happen again if he is so bothered by this.

[artlady]

A bruise on the inner arm is usually from someone grabbing you.If you have them on both inner arms I would seriously believe that is what happened. Falling usually results in bruising on the lower limbs.

He is not even sure what happened so he decided to make up this story about a kiss?

He is just assuming you kissed someone? That is rather odd to say the least.Something sounds very fishy here and I would try to contact someone else from the party to get a second opinion.

It sounds like the BF is playing you somehow and I just get a bad vibe from his statements and actions.

[Homegirl 50]

Your boyfriend sounds fishy. If he saw something going on why would he not check on you, if you have bruises why would he not wonder where they came from. These were his friends not yours.
I'm not understanding why he is not asking his friends if they saw anything. He should be a bit more supportive. You were injured, does he not care or want to know how you got bruised?

[N0help4u]

I agree get to the bottom of this by asking people at the party but I still think you should do the best you can to save the relationship at least until you find out he may have been trying to pull something over on you.

[liz28]

To be honest I don't think she would ever get to the bottom of this story. This is why you have to be careful where your at wherever alcohol is serve. If you've to drink to be comfortable then you shouldn't be there. Your boyfriend should know the crowd he runs with so of course if he felt something was wrong he should've went and got you and left. When someone is concern for you that's what they do.

Maybe it time for you to sit back and reflect on your boyfriend actions because his actions was wrong and he didn't have your back.

I remember one time me and my fiancé went to a bar and he got worried when he didn't see me for a while and went looking for me. I was in the back playing pool and he was beyond drunk.

[talaniman]

Stop feeling so guilty, and realize he wasn't watching you close enough. Now sleep a few days, and let the alcohol run its course, and see what happens after the dust has settled.

Sooner or later you'll put things together with a much clearer head.