[kadd0007]

hey guys I am new to this site so please bare with me =)

I am 26 year old male who I would say am a good looking guy, I own my own house, I have a good job etc... I guess what I am trying to say is I have a good life and I have a lot to show for.

Now 6 montn I fell deeply in love with an old friend from high school which I haven't seen for years. I have been doing anything in the book for this person, from romantic to sweet stuff, anything you could think of I have done it for her.

however my problem is I DO NOT get the same treatment back at all, she keeps on telling me that she is not sure if she wants a serious relationship but at the same time when I try to walk away she says she can't let me go because she cars about me too much. This has been going on for 6 month now, and my heart hurts, everyone I know tells me to walk away but I find it so hard because I am so in love with her... Any advice guys on what I shlould do please advise. Thank you so much and sorry for the lengthy e-mail!!

[Krs]

Hi Kadd0007,

Firstly welcome to AMHD :)

Ok secondly have you ever spoken to her upfrontly about your feelings for her? Expressed your feelings to her?
Besides giving her all these materialist things!

She says she is not sure if she wants a serious relationship, but how can a relationship be serious in it first few months!! Think about it.

[kadd0007]

Well we have been together for 6month now, and yes I told her how I feel about her. Now when I say that I did a lot for her trust me I did not mean that I go out and buy her the world lol. What I mean was I am there for her when she needs me, if she needs help I am right there for her and some cute corny stuff lol.

Now my problem is at some point she told me she was falling for me and so on, next month is different. She has constent mood swings =( and I almost never ever see anyting in return, she barely ever calls, she never does those nice corny things that I would love, she never tells me she misses me, ans she ever barely wants to spend time with me.

Now after all that she still refuses to let me go, I mean is she scared of commitement, is she keeping me around because she doesn't want to be alone??

That's why I am so confused, my heart tells me stay but my head and logic tells me to walk away, I hope this helped??

[Krs]

Ok have u heard of the saying :-
Treat them mean keeps them keen?? ;).

Why is she scared of commitment?
Has she had a bad experience?

[kadd0007]

I am not trying to sound weird but I never heard of that saying? It does sounds intersting though, would you care to explain it to me please?

We all had bad breakups and bad experiences, and I know that she did, she tells me all the time, but I am paying the price for it...

So in other words do I stay and try some more even tough this is tearing me apart or do I leave?

If you are going to ask me is she is worth the stay well, 2 month ago I wouls have said yes but now its fading, the pain is really starting to get to me??

[Krs]

WOW I'm shocked :eek:
It means basically what it states! Literally - word for word.

Yes of course we grow stronger and independent with certain experience we share in life.

I personally, would leave. I wouldn't put it up with no longer.
You said, 6 months this has been like that.
6 months which caused you more pain and sadness instead of love and happiness.

Leave - threat her meen.
She may soon realise what a bad mistake she has done by acting this way, and hurting your feeling - keeps her keen!

Good Luck

[Here_To_Help- Jon]

Relatiionships are give and take and it sounds like you are not getting what you want/need. What's keeping you in the relationship is the "hope" that you will get what you want... but the history shows that it may not be there. I'd move on...

[Krs]

Well Here_To_Help-Jon, think what you like. Although you said I gave poor advice you said exactly what I said at the end :- LEAVE
But this poor guy has had 6 months of pain, due to her simple and mixed attitude and actions.
How much longer can he stick to it!
She has him wrapped round her little ringer and she is doing what she likes with him.
Its not fair on him.
So treat her mean and keep her keen I thinks fits quite well with this issue :D

[kadd0007]

hey guys, I get it, that's a god quote =) You know I tried doing that for a while where I ignored her and not call her or show her the time of day, and surprisingly it worked. Hse came around more and was nicer to me.

But I can't do it, I am a nice guy and I want to be myself, and I sure as hell do not want to play those games just to have her, and also I don't think you should convince her to be with me she should want to be with me on her own don't you think??

But again thanks again for the good advice I will take some appropriate action in the next couple of days and I am sure I will be back for more questions and I will keep you updated than you so much again...

[Krs]

Thanks :)

I didn't exactly mean to totally ignore her.
But instead of always telling her you miss her, don't say it at all. Don't be clingy towards her, if you get my point, as she may think she could be losing you and soon realise she doesn't want to lose you.
Its not a game - its tactic ;)

But I'm sure whatever you do will be the right thing.

Keep me posted.

[aqua@home]

I think if you are honest and the feelings are not being returned it's time to move on. You deserve someone who treats you the way you want to be treated. I would think after 6 months she would know if she wants a relationship with you. From the sounds of it, she doesn't. You have a lot to offer the right person. I would let go now, before you get further into it and move on. Take care.

[kadd0007]

well I forgot to mention one more problem, I would actually like to let go at the present time but I cant.

We had booked an all week trip to south beach miami and its all paid for and too late to cancell since we are leaving in a week, but the way I look at it is I am going to enjoy my trip relax and have fun, and just walk away as soon as I get back...

you know they say you don't know what you have till you loose it, and I have been so good to her and is she is at all as smart as I think she is she will come to realise that eventually =)

[aqua@home]

I think you are on the right track. Just keep going forward. With this girl, you seem to be at a stall. Good luck.

[Wildcat21]

Here's the deal Dude... you're too 'nice' to her... you're acting like a 'nice guy'.

Woman want a challenge. That want to be curious about you. They don't want a guy WHO TOTALLY SURRENDERS TO THEM.

Romance is GREAT in SMALL doses... women DON'T want romance all week long - YUCK! Women DON'T want a lap dog - they don't want a guy they ca nwalk all over - ever. LESS IS MORE to women in romance. Quit being all romantic al lthe time and be her friend.

My STRONG ADVICE is to NOT share how you feel until after you're married - YOU SHOW how you feel - by doing good things for her.

She doesn't feel it man for you because you are TOO available to her.

PEOPLE WANT What THEY CAN'T HAVE. She has you. You NEVER completely surrender - even in marriage. You need to understand that you need a life as well.

People fall into these problems when they put too much importance o nthings.

You should pull-back. Don't be so available. Don't give her all that attention.

I assume you call her all day and e-mail and text.

Be busy with other things in life - work harder at work, school, workout, hang wiot hfriends, hang with your family, hobbies, new hobbies etc.

When you are busy with other things in life... she will ove you for it.

You sound kind of like a soft man. Women don't want that soft man - never. The ymay say they do - but it's a test. It's HARD to have feelinsg for you when you ACT like her GIRLFRIEND and not her boyfriend.

[Wildcat21]

Again - I think it's HOW he is acting.

It's NOT her. He needs to learn how to make women feel attracted to him.

[Wildcat21]

"I have been doing anything in the book for this person, from romantic to sweet stuff, anything you could think of i have done it for her."

QUIT doing that stuff!! Quit it!!

You're a lap dog - why on earth shuld he do anything in return.

[kadd0007]

well that seems a bit harsh but true I must say... See all you have said makes sense, and yes women want a chalange and don't want a lap dog.

I don't call her all day and text her lol. However I do give her more attention than she gives me. The sad truth is I am the soft type and I will always be, all my ex girlfriend liked the soft type, snd frankly that's what I want.

So to answer your question, I had pulled back a lot which brought her closer to me however that makes me unhappy because I have to pull away to draw her near, I don't like to play those types of games and that it why I decided to walk away =)

I do envy all those guys out there that could or have the time to play those games, I am just not that type and I have to live with it. Iv'e learned that you cannot change people and that includes yourself, so no matter how much I will try to change and play the game, in the end I will fail...

[Wildcat21]

Dude - just do other things - QUIT putting so much importance into her - make her chase you for a while.

It's NOT games - it's giving yourself BALANCE in life. BALANCE.

You don't need to rush to her all the time.

NEVER say you miss her. Never. You're a busy guy. QUIT sharing your feelings so much - maybe on your wedding day.

You need to learn about women - they DON'T think you you - never.

Go to this site and read EVERY article on dating and relationships: www.askmen.com

Women NEED to miss you - they need space. I highly doubt you ever gave her space. They want to WONDER what you're doing...

[Wildcat21]

AGAIN - it's not games - be busy with other stuff.

Do you want her near - or not have her??

Give her less attention... you can do all that crap when your 70 and married.

[Wildcat21]

The are facts of life about attraction.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE. Always and forever.

It's no fun for her.

You will love it in the end.