[gkiegrirgi]

Hello,

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years and I myself thought we were great, but it turns out that indirectly she's been telling me that she doesn't love me as much as she use to. Last week 12/22/08 We went out, and there was an incident with her ex (I caught them texting back and forth to each other flirting). I was devastated and it broke my heart. We then got in a huge argument and the next morning, she tells me she loves me, she tells me that she loves that I'm the one she comes home to, and all this blah blah blah that she loves, BUT she doesn't know why she doesn't want to have sex with me or why it bothers her sometimes that when we lay she doesn't want to Kiss me. So how am I suppose to take that, I took it as it is, She's breaking up with me, and there is nothing I can do, because she fell out of love for me. So I accept, of course I'm dying because I love this girl so much yes things changed for me too, and the fact that she was being a crappy girlfriend is that I held back in a lot of things. Anyway, so I go on, this is the weekend, I'm not eating I'm devastated, so Monday comes a long and all I want to do after work, is go home and sleep. I'm on the phone with my little brother, just crying and he just telling me that everything will be OK. (Of course he doesn't know because no one in my family know's I'm gay). So I hang up and all of a sudden, she pops up and is crying her eyes out and comes to me hugs me and tells me that she's sorry that she loves me that she made a mistake, that we should take some steps back. ANd I'm just totally confused because I thought this ended. So I'm like wait a minute calm down, stop crying talk to me... She tells me she doesn't want to lose me that she loves me, that she had a horrible day and so forth... So I said, OK I cannot come back to you if you don't love me anymore how I do, and she assures me that she made a mistake and that she does love me, she says we'll do things different and it goes on. Ok so Monday night, we get back together... that same night we went to an even of christmas lights in our town, she was cuddly and nice and like nothing ever happened. I was cool. Next day is christmas eve, and we're both leaving to see our families, so we're having a break from each other for like 5 days. SO I'm like this is going to be good for us.. So we depart, and I'm good, I'm thinking wow I don't want to lose her anymore, so things that she mentioned when she broke up with me I will try and not do anymore... So through out the whole time we were away from each other she would text me, she would make sure to tell me that she loved me. Once again, she was attentive and good to me. So I loved it of course, it was surprising because it hadn't happened in a long time, but I loved it. I came back home christmas day, and came with bad news :( family crisis. But I had to come back because I needed to work, she had a soccer game on Saturday so she was going to be back on Sunday. Of course I'm wishing she would be with me in this time, but I totally understood, until, she said she would be home on Friday, but I said, babe your soccer game, and she said, baby that isn't as important as this. I was crying because it felt so good for her to do that, it was an awesome gesture of her part... BUT unfortunately it started to snow and it wasn't safe for her to drive on the freeway so she came back Saturday night. She came back a day early but she was here... When she got home, it felt weird, it felt as though she didn't want to be there. So I ignored it and just talked to her we talked about christmas families everything.. I then went to rent some movies and grab some dinner and when I came back, it was nice, like she was back to normal and we just cuddled ate dinner and wathced a movie. She spends the night, (we hadn't slept together since we broke up). So it's a nice thing to wake up and see her there, I want to cuddle and kiss her and just be with her but I retract because of what she said before... So this is Sunday and she's acting like she doesn't want to be there with me... so it makes me feel sad and awkward so I try my best not to let it get to me... I then leave for a few hours with my family, and when I come back I pick her up to go to dinner. At dinner I was talking and all of a sudden I couldn't let it go, and asked, Did you cheat on me? And she says No baby why you ask me that? I tell her that we really didn't talk about the fact that we came back, and all that she said like we didn't really address that. So she's getting nervous because she hates confrontation. So I'm asking her questions and we end up leaving the place because either one of us can't eat. When we get to my place, she's standing there and I just hug her and she starts crying. And I'm confused it's that cry when she broke up with me, and when she came back, so I don't know what to do but hug her and just tell her it'll be OK. She tells me some things and looks up and tells me I just wish I loved you how you love me. So I'm in shock and don't know what to say... I then lay in my bed, let her leave to another room, and I'm thinking, wait a minute, she came back to me, I didn't look for her, she is the one that wanted me back, I thought it was over... so I didn't cry, I stood up went to her and told her. Listen, I'm not stupid, and I know that you don't love me how you use to, I know that I love you maybe a little bit more than you but you know what you came to me, you asked me for this second chance, and that is for a reason, it means you still love, yes not as much as you use to but you do. And if you want to fight for this relationship then you have to try, you have to tell me what it is I'm lacking and you have to call me out on things if you don't like it. You need your space you have to tell me, I can't read minds so you have to speak up. But if you don't want to hurt me and you don't really think that there is a chance between you and me then we end it now. SHe then said that she wanted to fight for us and that she loved me and that she does want to try. So I said OK, and I'm fine at this point, yes I feel a little awkward but I'm willing to fight for this too. I know that this is not going to be good from one day to another and I know it'll take time... so today is the very first day after that talk... I'm here now in her apt because I'm taking care of her puppy (she's at work, I called in sick). And I was going through Google asking the same question in my topic. Turns out some websites came out of guys gay porn. So yeah, she is watching that and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think, and I'm so confused, I don't know if I should talk to her about it, because it's not like I was snooping it just automatically came up when I searched for Google... Now I want to spark that love again, but I don't want things to stay left unsaid. So I don't know if I should address this or just let it go. I basically want her to love me again, since there is still that chance I don't want to lose it. But I'm just so confused, how can I do it, when she's over here looking at guy gay porn. How can I try to get her back when she's into that, do I let her go? What do I do? Please help me!

Thanks! :confused:

[talaniman]

You're a real mess emotionally, and make to many mountains to climb from your own mind.

That makes me wonder if your projecting your own insecurities into this, or over reacting because your way to needy. Either way you should get your own personal issues addressed, by you, and stop making them your partners problem.

You will surely confuse the real issues with the ones you are making for yourself, and that poisons a relationship every time. I would look into this, as your putting a lot of undue pressure on this relationship and making it very hard to deal with the reality of this situation. You need this relationship too much, but keep throwing roadblocks in your own way.

Talk honestly with your partner, so at least she knows what's up with YOU, and make sure she knows your working on yourself. Only then can she understand, and support you, and not be pushed away by wacky behavior that's your fear, and insecurity, is causing.

She comes home to you, so work on yourself, so she will continue.

[slapshot_oi]

...(Of course he doesn't know because no one in my family know's i'm gay).

I don't understand why your girlfriend's an issue if you're gay.

[BMI]

I too am totally lost with respect to who is gay and what is going on?

[NItEMArE129]

You two are fighting for each other. That's all that you need to know. Address issues one at a time from now on, because too many of them will end badly. So calm down, focus in the NOW. A lot of people tend to start rushing on into the future and worrying about what'll happen. And that doesn't really work in relationships because people change. Focus in the now and fix the now, worry about the future later.

[gkiegrirgi]

Hi, As the titles, titles... Any ideas, on how to win some love back? I need some pointers to win my girlfriend's love again... let me know! I LOVE THIS THING!

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR RESPONSES!! :p

[411Help]

You can't get someone to fall in love with you. You can do your best to show them the best of yourself, but that's about it. The rest is up to them.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...in-296722.html

Your partner loves you already, but your fears, and insecurities keep you from seeing that, so your best bet would be to deal with them, so you can stop poisoning your own relationship yourself.

See a doctor, and go from there as your lover is probably getting tired of explaining things to you.

All the advice in the world can't help you, if you aren't trying to help yourself.

[gkiegrirgi]

I don't understand why your girlfriend's an issue if you're gay.

Sorry I guess, I didn't explain, that I am a girl myself. I am a bi sexsual and that's the deal here.

[gkiegrirgi]

WHAT YOU ARE A GAY and you WORRYING because she left that is totally unnatural go with some man dude

I'm a girl myself. Sorry for the confusion, I'm in a relationship with a girl.

[NItEMArE129]

Ahhh OK then, this changes the situation a little. First of all, I don't think it's a huge problem to look at porn in a relationship. It might not help it, but there's no certainty that it will hurt it either. And if you both are bisexual, I think it's perfectly okay to look at porn with both homosexual girls and homosexual guys or heterosexual couples. Just because your into something in porn doesn't mean that it's the ONLY thing that you're into. Keep an open mind and don't overreact.

[gkiegrirgi]

ahhh ok then, this changes the situation a little. First of all, I don't think it's a huge problem to look at porn in a relationship. It might not help it, but there's no certainty that it will hurt it either. And if you both are bisexual, I think it's perfectly okay to look at porn with both homosexual girls and homosexual guys or heterosexual couples. Just because your into something in porn doesn't mean that it's the ONLY thing that you're into. Keep an open mind and don't overreact.

OK so that's the thing, she's more into girls than guys, the furthest she's been with a guy is oral sex. And before in our relationship, she always use to get so bothered that I would leave her for a guy, or that I liked a guy more than I liked girls. But I never made an attempt to leave her for a guy, or give her hints about it. We have a few mutual guy friends, and she always get's so bothered because they're always attentive towards me or they're always sort of flirting with me in a way... (I of course don't flirt back, but its happened before) it's like she's afraid of losing me to a guy. So that is why I thought it was pretty weird that she was looking at that... Now it wasn't much of an issue because I understand that it is normal, but I'm not really into the whole porn thing. I mean I don't mind it, but I'm not looking for it... maybe she's interested in guys now? I don't know what to think about it... it's weird..

I know that it's a process for things to start patching up. But I feel that she is not progressing, I feel that it bothers her when I'm around, even though she directly doesn't tell me it seems that her actions speak louder. So that is what I'm confused about also... if she looked for me and if she came to me then why isn't she trying? Is there actually times that she will feel that doesn't want to be there and I should just let it go? Or should I talk to her about it? Because to tell you the truth, I don't want to force her and I did tell her that if she didn't want to be with me for the right reasons then it wasn't really worth it... I haven't been clingy, I've been doing my own things... so I've given her space, we sleep in separate places. So I'm confused? What do I do?

Tonight we're going out to celebrate the new year, and I'm determined to have a great one too. Funny thing, her ex is going to be there, and that makes me nervous? I want to have a good time, and I'm determined, but I don't know what to do if something happens... I don't want to expect something to happen.. augh!! I'm contradicting myself... anyway, what do I do?

[gkiegrirgi]

So I started writing in this thing a few days ago... it all started how I was so confused and how I wondered that if she really wanted to be with me... so now... it turns out that she doesn't want to be with me, that she doesn't feel the same... yet she sends me this e-mail that says everything contrary... so I'm really confused, and don't know what to do. Her kisses her crying her talking to me, makes me feel that she does still feel something for me,but it turns out that she cheated on me with my best friend, her ex girlfriend... long story shot she sent me an e-mail telling me how much she loved me but now she needs time, yet she's with this other girl, and she's fine... I'm sure that she will get hurt, but you never know, it is her first love and her first girlfriend... but this girl is bad news... I'm still thinking of her of course and how I love her, but how mad I am that she did this to me... so today, my exboyfriend came over and she happened to see him and she was pissed,sooooo I'm confused, who gives her the right to cheat on me and be pissed because my ex boyfriend came to visit and talk? I'm so pissed, but at the same time I miss her and I just want to call her or text... my friends are getting me busy, but she's still in my head... what do I do?

By the way, just to clear it up, I'm a girl :)

[411Help]

Ok.

You have about three options.

Leave her alone.

Leave her alone.

Or Leave her alone.

Quite frankly, she isn't worth ANY of your time. After you found out she cheated on you with your "BESTFRIEND" you should have kicked her to the curb.

[gkiegrirgi]

Ok.

You have about three options.

Leave her alone.

Leave her alone.

Or Leave her alone.

Quite frankly, she isn't worth ANY of your time. After you found out she cheated on you with your "BESTFRIEND" you should have kicked her to the curb.

OK, I think you're right... but I keep getting this really bad feeling in my chest that doesn't let me sleep... I keep waking up at night and this morning, what woke me up is me crying in my sleep... I feel like a fool for giving her that second chance, and for her to do this to me... it sucks, and basically I don't know how to cope, it sucks and it hurts way too much... I'm heart broken, destroyed and I don't want her to see this side of me, because I want to act like I don't care but it is so easy said than done. I'm torn, and I'm crying almost all the time... I hate it! I hate this feeling... and about the girl she cheated on me with becauase I'm not even going to say that she was my friend... umm about her, I want to beat the living crap out of her... I want to scream at her, I want to do so many things, but I know that it won't work... but I'm so upset!! And I don't want to be feeling this anymore! I'm hurting like I've never hurt before!! I HATE BREAKUPS! Especially when they cheat!! UGH!! What makes it even worse, is that if she were to come back to me, for whatever reason, I'd be there, and it sucks, because if it were to ever happen, I don't want to be there, but she's my weakness. I haven't called her or texted her, but she will be coming soon, because she has a lot of clothes and stuff in my apt, as I have stuff in hers... and this really sucks... I don't want to see her because I'm going to break down... I don't want to cry in front of her anymore!! I'm so angry at myself, for taking her back!!

[gkiegrirgi]

it's been 4 days and I'm having a really hard time coping with this breakup. I still feel that she loves me, and it's confusing me. If you've read the threads I've been writing it sort of explains everything in a nut shell. But now it turns out that she cheated on me and it sucks! I want to scream I want to be many things, but something is not letting me and I think it's the love that I still feel for her! I'm upset, I can't think of anything else that is not her, I've been waking up everyday at 4 in the morning, and for what? To think of her, to get this pain in my chest and to cry. WHY? I don't understand why...

she did send me an e-mail the day we broke up, explaining how her I love you's were different from mine, but they're all alike. When I saw her that morning when she broke up with me, I could tell that she still felt as though she wanted to tell me something. But she didn't. I stopped texting calling everything with her and she is the one that text's me everyday at least once, not about us but random stuff, like if I could send her some information that's on my computer, or stupid but she is the one that texts me. I respond, but only to the question I don't say anything about us or anything. We have a puppy, but it's her puppy, so she asked me to go over yesterday and pick him up, she then asked me if I could read a letter (to edit it) and I said sure. I read the letter, told her it was good. And that was it, I took the puppy back and that was that for yesterday...

today she hasn't texted me which is fine... I'm just feeling really crappy, I'm at work, but I can't even concentrate because she's in my head. I love her still, and I can't help to think of her every second of the day, while she's with the other girl having fun. Even when I think of this, it doesn't give me the strength to forget her or to hate or or even be pissed at her. I hate feeling crappy! I hate thinking about her! I hate thinking that she's with her! I hate everything right now!

I don't know what to do, I'm soooooooooo down right now, and I don't know how to get up again. My friends have tried almost everything, but nothing has worked... I've been up and down, I then tell myself, it'll be OK, but then later I get into this deep depression. I'm a wreck and it sucks!

Please help me!

[zeeniee]

Dear gkiegrirgi,
I am v sad to hear that your girlfriend cheated on you- that is not a nice thing to do at all. As hard as it is you must go NC with her and give yourself time to grieve and heal. Sleep and eat Well and take each hour, day as it comes. Don't do anything for her now- she does not deserve it and will only use you and then you will feel crap.Focus on yourself and you only- that is the most important thing- change your mobile number and so you never have to see her text. Get rid of her stuff from your place etc and so you can breathe well. It will take time to come to terms with cheating and the breakup and so take your time and heal. Read the posts here as many have been in similar situations and do express whatever you feel as people here will help you see through the hard times.

[KristyRUdoingok]

Sorry to hear my ex boyfriend cheated on me
with a girl who cheated on him before me, twice,

the way I look at it she didn't care enough of your feelings
when she cheated on you, its like I told my ex after she did it a
second time to me, "when someone cheats, its over"
being in a relationship is mutual she's being kind of selfish
and if she felt pressured. Maybe she should stop putting herself in the situations
but I'm not one to tell anyone feeling or how they should feel this question
is actually your call. Good luck =)

[KertAllikvee]

Don`t beat yourself up about it... I mean that if you still feel crappy and stuff then your feelings for her were very real... but think... she didn`t cared about you when doing this.. I mean she didn`t deserve you if she did that... Hope you will find your happiness soon...

[gkiegrirgi]

so yesterday I caved in and called her! I had this massive breakdown that I never thought I would have till later later. Well it turns out that I went to her apt to get our puppy and I needed to walk him (cause he'd been alone all day) So when I went in, there was some PJ pants of the other girl and OMG I FLIPPED! I didn't even take him out, I left I punched things, I got angry, I cussed and nothing was working. I called friends, I cried and yelled but that feeling wasn't going away. I kept telling myself, how unfair this was, how could she do this to me, and all of sudden I got in my car and was driving towards the girls apt and then all of sudden, I'm like NO I'll have a bigger COW if she is there. So I stopped myself on the side of the road, and told myself to calm down, I then called her! And I just point blank started asking her, when did she start cheating? She then said I never really cheated I only talked to her and hung out. And I'm like ever!! Then we talked some more, we cried, we talked, we cried and it went on. And while we're talking throughout our conversation, because I'm so pissed that she cheated on me, and she's crying that I ask her "Why are you crying?" and she screams at me, and tells me that she has feelings too, that this is as hard for her too, that she can't live without me, that she misses me, that she needs me but that she's not in love with me... :confused: I'm confused and I asked her, "How can you say those things and then tell me that you're not in love with me?" She screamed and said, "i dont even know what i want, i dont even know what to do!!!" I then realized that she is confused... Someone from her past came into her life and obviously stirred soemthing that was lacking from our relationship.

I understand that I need my space, and I need to give her, her space. But I wasn't the one talking to her, I wasn't the one looking for her for random stuff. I kept it to myself and left it at that. Space, if she calls me fine, if she doesn't oh well. And the way I would resist to text or call was talking to a friend rather than her, getting on this website writing away or reading away. Working... doesn't matter but I tried so MUCH to have NC with her. So I'm hurting bad, I'm confused, I don't want to beat myself up and keep thinking, Hmm does she love me or does she not love... hmm if she going to come around... hmm am I going to take her back... hmmm why am I feeling this... hmmm and it goes on... but the advice that I get from here, is really important to me, so the more advice I get from everyone, the better...

I'm still sad, I still cry at night, I still miss her when I wake up, and I still love her. Space is what this relationship needs, but why does it hurt so much? Is she going to come around? Do I completely cut her off?