[gannonp]

I have been seen this girl (I am white she is nigerian), for a year now and we grew to love each other, I gave her everything and we joked together and the sex was amazing.

I live with my parent at 29 (I know it sux but property in ireland is very expensive) and I would visit her apartment all the time. I am getting an apartment myself sonn now anyway.

So during xmas she says to me "listen i want to take a break, i love you but I want to be sure I do it could realize this tomorrow next week or 2 months, I dont know" I paniced and asked so is it a break or break up and she said it would be better if we broke up for this.

I said it's the most ridiculous thing, I asked:
Did your friends put you up to this - no
Is it that you want someone else - no
An ex-boyfriend - no
Family - no (but her mother might not approve).

She says I really want to do this paul and I don't want you to be thinking of me because it will make it harder. I just need time to think you are the one and if you are I will ring you and if your single great and if not then I lost my chance.

I begged with her to reconsider but she is set on this. Man I am broken up beyond words and am pretty much crying typing this. I keep thinking of all the good times and stuff and the pictures. I can't eat at all and I am constantly depressed.

Sorry for this long message man I really am I just need to know what can I do man, what can I do.

[talaniman]

You do as she has asked, and leave her alone, and heal, and rebuild your life without her. Don't make a crying pest of yourself.

[liz28]

Don't sit around wait for her to call you telling you that she wants to get back with you either.

Maybe she isn't looking for anything serious right now or she could've just been using you. Only she knows.

Know that most breaks are permanent so it time to let go. Don't call, text, e-mail,etc. No comunication with her.

It's her lost not yours.

[ZoeMarie]

I agree with everyone here. Let her have her space to sort things out. If you don't give her that space, that will just decrease the chances of getting back together, which, as stated in another post most breaks are permanent. The important thing to do let her be. As Tal said, start rebuilding your life without her. Take this time to experience new things, new hobbies, hang out with friends. You'll get through this. Hang in there.

[gannonp]

I agree with everyone here. let her have her space to sort things out. If you don't give her that space, that will just decrease the chances of getting back together, which, as stated in another post most breaks are permanent. The important thing to do let her be. as Tal said, start rebuilding your life without her. Take this time to experience new things, new hobbies, hang out with friends. You'll get through this. Hang in there.

I am just scarred that she won't want me eventually and I reall love this girl the thing is she keeps ringing me to see how I am. In some weird way I don't think she wants to do this or she is scared to do it.

[ZoeMarie]

Tell her in order for you to give her space she needs to stop calling you. It's going to be hard for you to heal if you have hopes of getting back together. If she broke up with you, you should really focus on you. Don't worry about what she's doing.

[gannonp]

tell her in order for you to give her space she needs to stop calling you. it's going to be hard for you to heal if you have hopes of getting back together. if she broke up with you, you should really focus on you. don't worry about what she's doing.

Thanks for your reply, she says that I have been fantastic to her and she really loves me but in order to know I am the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with she has to take a break/break up and clear her head on what she wants and she only then will get back in touch with me if she thinks I am the one. I am willing to give her that space because I love this girl so damn much that just the though of losing her makes me cry cause I think of the good times we had and the pictures we have. I really hope to god she chooses me.

[ZoeMarie]

I'm trying not to sound rude, I promise if I sound that way it's not directed toward you, but next time she calls you, you should ask her if that means she's decided she wants to get back together. It sounds to me like she doesn't know what kind of damage she's doing to you saying she wants a break and then continuing to call you.

[Romefalls19]

Whoa whoa whoa... So she tells you that she loves you and wants to be with you but has to break up to find out if she wants to spend her life with you? That's bull! If you are with someone and are in love with them, then that should be enough of a reason to keep the relationship going. Breaking up to see if the relationship is strong enough just doesn't make the hillbilly's worth of sense to me. "I love you but I want to break up to make sure"

[gannonp]

I'm trying not to sound rude, I promise if I sound that way it's not directed toward you, but next time she calls you, you should ask her if that means she's decided she wants to get back together. It sounds to me like she doesn't know what kind of damage she's doing to you saying she wants a break and then continuing to call you.

Hey Zoe,

The thing is I love when she calls, I feel great, I am not emotional and I control the conversation, I asked her one time that instead of doing this to see if you love me why don't we get an apartment for 1 month and by the end of the month we are not for each other so be it, I would except it then. But her excuse is very vague she says she has problems outside of the relationship weather it be family friends I don't know. Anyway not just for you but if anyone wants to address me personally my skype username is newyorkcityactor thanks for your help zoe I really do need to talk about this otherwise I would fly off the handle.

[gannonp]

Whoa whoa whoa....So she tells you that she loves you and wants to be with you but has to break up to find out if she wants to spend her life with you? That's bull! If you are with someone and are in love with them, then that should be enough of a reason to keep the relationship going. Breaking up to see if the relationship is strong enough just doesn't make the hillbilly's worth of sense to me. "I love you but I want to break up to make sure"

Your right man, it doesn't make sense to me but I am willing to wait, man I love this girl like you would not know, sex is great and all that but her companionship is what I love and the little things she does, I treat her like a queen and in the past she had problems and I helped. I don't know what I done wrong man I just don't, she was and still is my first priority and it really really kills to think that we won't be together I pray to god if there is one that she sees that I am the one for her I am sure of it. I just hope to od she comes back to me.

[Romefalls19]

Putting that much hope in someone is a sign of low self value. Do you have self esteem issues? I love my fiancé very much, but if she came to me with the bullsh*t your girlfriend is coming with. I'd be packing my bags very quickly. I'm not going to wait for someone who needs to "think" about being with me or not. You either want to be with someone or you don't, there is no room for in between.

[liz28]

Sometimes you don't have to do anything wrong and you could've done everything right, but sometimes that isn't enough to a person. Some people just use people to their own advantages.

For whatever reasons this girl asked for a break, talking to her won't help and can lead to false hope.

[gannonp]

Putting that much hope in someone is a sign of low self value. Do you have self esteem issues? I love my fiance very much, but if she came to me with the bullsh*t your girlfriend is coming with. I'd be packing my bags very quickly. I'm not going to wait for someone who needs to "think" about being with me or not. You either want to be with someone or you don't, there is no room for in between.

Yeah I kind of have self esteem issues, and when she kind of mentioned it a month ago it sent me into a spiral, that text message "we need to talk" is the worst text in the world. When she said this I went into panic fits and thought everything is closing down on me. I would love to be like you and pack my bags and say the hell with you but I just can't and deep down inside if you really love your fiancé tat much they way I do with this girl you will say it extremely hard too. I don't know man my world is nothing without her she was the best girl I ever been with. I isn't whipped I am pretty much the man in the relationship its just the thought of her gone causes me pain and hurt right in the pit of my stomach.

[kctiger]

It is exactly your mode of thinking that is going to ruin this relationship. You cannot make someone your "world." Relationships have to be balanced, two people SHARING each other's passions, not one person making the other person the center of his/her universe. That is just flat out unhealthy, and frankly you are de-valuing yourself every time you talk like that. You were good enough to get this girl, so what makes you unable and not good enough to be without her?

[gannonp]

It is exactly your mode of thinking that is going to ruin this relationship. You cannot make someone your "world." Relationships have to be balanced, two people SHARING each other's passions, not one person making the other person the center of his/her universe. That is just flat out unhealthy, and frankly you are de-valuing yourself everytime you talk like that. You were good enough to get this girl, so what makes you unable and not good enough to be without her?

Good point brother, I guess I think I will never get a girl like her again. I guess that is one thing that scares me and the other is that... everyone I know family, friends and all said she is great, and she is, she's funny, smart and very goodlooking. Maybe she is scared that her mother will not approve of me because I am white and she is black, I don't know. But in all honesty I think this is the one, I really hope she is, deep down I know she should not be doing this and to hell with her for that but when I think of the times together sexually and otherwise I nearly break down and cry.

[Romefalls19]

I'm not saying I wouldn't be hurt or unaffected by my fiancé leaving me, I'm sure I would be hurt beyond what I have felt before. But since my last relationship ended, I have learned some things. Life goes on, each day the sun still comes out and you have to enjoy life, not just live it. If you are making someone your world, you are missing out on so much. If you share the same passion for the relationship as the other does than you will see how much better life is.

[Romefalls19]

Good point brother, I guess I think I will never get a girl like her again. I guess that is one thing that scares me and the other is that...everyone I know family, friends and all said she is great, and she is, shes funny, smart and very goodlooking. Maybe she is scared that her mother will not approve of me because I am white and she is black, I dont know. but in all honesty I think this is the one, I really hope she is, deep down I know she should not be doing this and to hell with her for that but when I think of the times together sexually and otherwise I nearly break down and cry.

I felt the same way after my ex broke up with me after 2 1/2 years of being together. I was right, I didn't meet a girl like her again, I found a woman who is much better and suits me perfectly. We accept each others flaws and don't try to change who the other is to fit into a fairytale romance.

[gannonp]

I felt the same way after my ex broke up with me after 2 1/2 years of being together. I was right, I didn't meet a girl like her again, I found a woman who is much better and suits me perfectly. We accept each others flaws and don't try to change who the other is to fit into a fairytale romance.

I hope I find that I really wish I do, its just the hurting won't stop man, it comes and goes and my mam gave me a few anti depressants about 2 weeks back when I explained my situation that I might have another panic attack. So lol I hope they kick in soon man otherwise I am up creek headed from derpession ville.

[kctiger]

It takes time. No one said it would be easy, and to be honest, it will probably get harder. The hurting goes away, you just have to be proactive in building a life that, in all honesty, may not include her anymore. The good news for you is that you are still alive, and life will keep coming, so the better prepared you are, the more happiness you will find. We have all been through this kind of stuff, and while it sucks, it is just life's way of telling us that something wasn't meant to be. Clearing the road for something better.