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DJ28 · Jan 24, 2009, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by ja77

You need to keep yourself busy DJ it is going to be real hard but most people on this board have stood in your shoes at some point in life so we all no how your feeling.

You are at the right place here and will find lots of support.

Thanks

ja77 · Jan 24, 2009, 05:13 PM

In the early days I always found it good to stay away and keep away from things that would remind me of my Ex.

Keeping busy with friends and family and work did it for me, and then one day I thought gosh its been like 9months and I never thought of that other person and then carried on moving forwards.

BrentNumber1 · Jan 24, 2009, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by DJ28

So its been my first day of NC and omg this is very tuff. There has been so many times today that have wanted to talk to her, and man my emotions have been going up and down all day lots of crying. i think im going to go running here in a little bit to help with this stress.

Running is a good idea. If you're crazy like I am you can take up distance running. Hard to think of a better way to blow off steam/clear your mind/expunge all of that negative energy you have.

Tomorrow will be day 2... it may not seem like it but you're on your way. Stay strong.

DJ28 · Jan 25, 2009, 07:18 AM

Did anyone there first few days of NC get no sleep at all? And totally over analyze everything under the sun, for instance is she sleeping with someone?

kctiger · Jan 25, 2009, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by DJ28

did anyone there first few days of NC get no sleep at all? and totally over analyze everything under the sun, for instance is she sleeping with someone?

Try the first few weeks. I probably averaged 4 hours of sleep a night for a solid month, unless I got drunk and passed out... My mind over analyzes EVERY SINGLE detail of everything, and this was killing me. I found myself, at times, creating different images in my head just to make me cry... it was horrible.

It gets better, but it ain't no cake walk bud. I know it is hard, but the fact is, you cannot worry about things you have no control over. Worry about yourself, that's it. This is life, and it is too short to waste thinking about your ex... I wish I could go back in time and regain all of the wasted time, emotions, and other things I spent on her, and utilize it for something to better myself... I will never get that time back. Think about that!

Good luck!

DJ28 · Jan 25, 2009, 08:26 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Try the first few weeks. I probably averaged 4 hours of sleep a night for a solid month, unless I got drunk and passed out...My mind over analyzes EVERY SINGLE detail of everything, and this was killing me. I found my self, at times, creating different images in my head just to make me cry...it was horrible.

It gets better, but it ain't no cake walk bud. I know it is hard, but the fact is, you cannot worry about things you have no control over. Worry about yourself, that's it. This is life, and it is too short to waste thinking about your ex...I wish I could go back in time and regain all of the wasted time, emotions, and other things I spent on her, and utilize it for something to better myself...I will never get that time back. Think about that!

Good luck!

Awesome thank you so much. Yeah I got maybe about 2 hours of sleep last night, I've been trying to get back to bed but I cant.

kctiger · Jan 25, 2009, 08:31 AM

It is hard. I started taking Tylenol PM and that really helped me. Totally safe (I am also having some back issues).

I know it sucks man, believe me. I would sometimes wake up in the morning and almost puke thinking that she was with another guy (this is after I found out she was). You just have to let time do its thing, and detoxify your emotions out of you...

ISneezeFunny · Jan 25, 2009, 08:46 AM

As kctiger said, first few days? You freaking wish. I didn't sleep or eat for about 2 weeks... forget 4 hours a night, try no sleep or 1 - 2 hours a night.

You can read about it here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-161688.html

(sorry, shameless plug)

Things do get better though, really fast. So hang in there, you'll be fine.

DJ28 · Jan 25, 2009, 10:30 AM

Ok I have a question for everyone who has gone through NC. Lets say that you went NC and the next day you find out something like you have been totally lied to, and she is your best firned and you want to end it all on a good note and not like hate her. Because maybe sometime in the future you want to become just friends. Would you talk to the person to set things stright so you can go clear headed into this or just keep going like you have been lied to? Because I don't want to hate her, I just feel like if I dotn clear this up I will begin to not like her at all and never want to talk to her again.

kctiger · Jan 25, 2009, 10:51 AM

I honestly think you will do more harm than good, as it is almost a case of you seaking closure to a reality that you haven't yet accepted.

You do what you feel the need to do, but, my advice, leave it alone and just worry about yourself. Don't be afraid to lose people in your life, as people come and go, a lot. It usually doesn't do any good to react off emotions, and your head isn't clear enough right now to act rationally. Get your sanity back, then you can think logically about a friendship.

Carry on... :cool:

DJ28 · Jan 25, 2009, 10:53 AM

Yeah I understand, its just so frustrating obviously you know what I mean. Err love makes me nuts.

kctiger · Jan 25, 2009, 10:56 AM

Love is all consuming, but when it pays off, it is the best thing ever.

It happens. It gets easier, over time. Love doesn't make you nuts, it just makes you human. Keep your chin up! Everyone on this website is incredible at helping people like you, and me!

DJ28 · Jan 25, 2009, 10:58 AM

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to kctiger again."
Definitely I totally agree with that.

talaniman · Jan 25, 2009, 11:15 AM

Get your sanity back, then you can think logically about a friendship.

This is a great answer to your problems, heal first.

DJ28 · Jan 30, 2009, 08:39 PM

Well still doing the NC but man it is very hard today I feel so alone, there has been only like 2 times where I wanted to call her, but I stopped myself. I worked out 2 times today. Im trying to think of things to do to keep my mind off her, I can't stop thinking of her. I just feel so sad right now, I can't wait tell I'm over her.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 30, 2009, 08:47 PM

What I did during NC to keep her off my mind...

Worked a lot. I mean, I clocked in about 30 hours overtime a week.

Worked out a lot. Morning run. Evenings lifting weights. Lost about 30 lbs in 4 months.

Read a lot. I did a lot of pleasure reading. I never read a whole lot before, but got really into it during the nc.

Music and movies. This got me through... quite a bit.

Cleaning. My place... was.. spotless.

Just calling a few good friends up to go bowling, watch a movie, go to a bar, go play some ball... etc.

DJ28 · Jan 31, 2009, 08:13 PM

I hate the feeling that she is out with someone else, it just makes me so down and depressed and I know I can't do anything about it. Is it normal to feel really betrayed and angry at her? I know a lot of this is my fault for even hanging on but I just feel like she didn't care one bit about my feelings and that is what makes me so mad. I don't know I would just love to know if this is bothering her at all, even though I really doubt it does too much. Honestly though I don't think I can ever speak to her again, she really hurt me so bad. All I know is that this thinking of her and wondering what she is doing is making me depressed.

zeeniee · Jan 31, 2009, 10:37 PM

Well DJ28, As much as you miss and love her it is clear that she is not bothered about your feelings at all.

It is very natural and human thing in wanting to hold on.

All you can do is look at her actions and say thank god you know what you know today- obviously she is not the person you knew or thought you knew. Take that as a positive point in moving forwards. Every bit of information will help you see her for who she is and not she was.

zeeniee · Jan 31, 2009, 10:57 PM

It is a horrible feeling and realisation when you see that the person you love so much is not who she/he used to be. Very painful realisation indeed!! Yet once you do see that, in time you realise you deserve so much more and better.

DJ28 · Jan 31, 2009, 11:03 PM

Yeah its hard right now to know that everything we had and how close of friends we were are all out the window. But really now I know that it was a mistake to even stay friends with her after we broke up, I do know now though that there is someone out there better for me and that will love me back, and have a balanced relationship where it isn't so lopsided. I think the hardest thing right now for me is just the wondering what she's doing with this guy.