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expat2009 · Jan 4, 2009, 07:00 PM

NO NO NO... do not be her friend, not until you are over her. Believe me I KNOW, I was deeply in love with a girl years ago. She didn't want to be with me but loved me as a friend. In my effort to stay in her life I stuck by her in the worst Friend-zone ever. What happened? I kept on loving her for three long years in which I saw her go out with boy after boy, and me? Nothing. Couldn't focus on other girls either and stayed single for that time.

I decided to cut contact finally! After three excrutiating years and decided to move away to another country for uni. At my going away party she finally showed genuine romantic interest in me but it was too late I had made up my mind --HAHA. Maybe after 6 months later I was over her --not completely-- but nothing like before. I was finally free and fell in love again with an even better girl!. but that's a different story.

PS: that same girl has been happily married for 8 months or so, and I felt NOTHING. It's so liberating.

GO NC! Time will do the rest.

Keepitsimple29 · Jan 4, 2009, 07:48 PM

Yes, it's going to be hard.

You know what I've learned though over the years during countless relationships that didn't work out? The only way you can get over someone is to accept that it's over.

The more and more you start thinking of ways to get her back, the more likely it is that you'll do something that will completely jeopardize even being friends with her.

Step back from the situation; it probably wouldn't be a bad thing for her either. Focus on your life... make yourself a better person... let yourself heal.

Eventually, someday, you'll feel like calling her to say "lets be friends"... and you'll probably mean it. Times a crazy thing... One of my very best friends is one of my exes.

The older you get, the more you start realizing how easy life is if you accept what you cannot change. She is seeing other people or intending to. You should do the same. Get out with your friends and enjoy the beautiful world that's out there!

Good luck!

ferrell_2006 · Jan 8, 2009, 07:06 PM

I have to agree... even though the idea for you to remain friends is great because it's a way to relieve a little bit of the pain when you guys hang out but in the end you have been hurting for 2 years and if you continue to be friends you will hurt even worse in the future because she will meet new guys whether it ends in a relationship they may be friends but you will continue to be jeolous and hurt... and it would be selfish to expect her to not move on... you are juss a comfy zone for her obviously or you guys would be together... you cannot be friends with someone you love it juss doesn't work... leave cut the ties you both move on and then maybe you can be friends in the future!
Good luck!

DJ28 · Jan 23, 2009, 12:14 AM

2 threads merged.

Well today will begin my first day of no contact, I am scared and worried, sad and a lot of other things at the same time. I know its for the better but man this is going to be hard, I just love her so much but I know it has to be done. So yeah I just wanted to write this, I'm just down right now.

Dare81 · Jan 23, 2009, 04:45 AM

Good Luck. First couple of weeks is the hardest it gets better after that.
We are here for you.

neverme · Jan 23, 2009, 04:52 AM

It's so hard but is worth it when you get over the hill and the grass is in fact greener!

Stay connected here and in your life. Try to introduce new people and places that are not associated with your ex.

Be realistic with yourself and the situation. Recognise your thoughts and feelings even if they are irrational, don't act on the irrational ones though!

Best of luck, stay strong and be yourself.

liz28 · Jan 23, 2009, 04:59 AM

Don't worry with time your be over her. You have to take it day by day for now. Soon it's going be 5, 10, then 30 days. Then once you heal your not only going be happy but look back on your relationship and see how she was not worthy of you.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 23, 2009, 05:50 AM

Keep us updated, it will be hard, but we have all been there

odilians10 · Jan 23, 2009, 06:27 AM

I'm on day 2 of nc, it is hard but hang in there...

kctiger · Jan 23, 2009, 06:50 AM

Got to start somewhere, but at least you started. That is the first step towards a better YOU! Good luck...

Romefalls19 · Jan 23, 2009, 07:11 AM

Goodluck! It's a long hard road but the reward of finding yourself is definitely worth it

zeeniee · Jan 23, 2009, 07:44 AM

Welcome to the world of NC.

You will find that you will go through many emotions and at the end--- you will get through, just like many of us.

Take your time, eat well, rest well and let time do its thing!

It will be tough at the start, but eventually you will come out just fine!

natalie1987 · Jan 23, 2009, 01:42 PM

I broke up with my ex 4 months ago and I still find it hard now as I loved him so much but things will get easier.

ja77 · Jan 23, 2009, 01:57 PM

Right now you are still on the roller coaster -

Every day you will get stronger and start feeling better.

My advise hang out with your friends - just keep yourself busy -

DJ28 · Jan 23, 2009, 02:15 PM

Thanks for the support everyone, well um she called me and I answered the phone. She was crying and I was crying and man it is so hard I just do not know what to do.

kctiger · Jan 23, 2009, 02:20 PM

You'll be all right man. Ain't no shame in crying, Lord knows I shed my share of tears when this was going on. I urge you, however, not to pick up the phone when she calls. I know it is hard, but it will just send you into an emotional spiral, and that isn't good.

ja77 · Jan 23, 2009, 02:23 PM

NC that means no picking up her calls any more let voicemail kick in or just ignore the calls.

It is hard and I can fully understand why it hits you hard and you feel like your being hit by a train.

Just remember that every time you answer a call you are going to feel like S*&(% again - my advise would be block the number etc.

BrentNumber1 · Jan 23, 2009, 07:37 PM

Hey man, I have been almost exactly in your shoes. (you can read about it if you're bored here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-304709.html
)
You need to go NC immediately. It's not what you want to hear but trust me, it's absolutely necessary. My girl strung me along with the best friends with benefits bit for years too. Even when I thought it was over and moving on to another girl she came back into my life with claims of wanting a relationship only to later say that she didn't want to be in a relationship with ANYONE. Fast forward 2 and a half months and now she's in a relationship. It hurts 1,000,000 times worse sitting there watching the person you love fall for someone else and have to pretend to be happy for your friend. So unhealthy. It's basically rock bottom.

Once they make up their minds you need to move on and never look back. Sticking around will only cause you pain and suffering. I stuck around with my best friend for years too thinking that because she never dated anyone else she would eventually come to me. It doesn't work that way. She's using you as an emotional crutch for the time being.
Maybe someday we can rekindle the friendship we once had but you can't truly be a best friend for someone you're in love with. I'm 2 weeks into NC now and thankfully she hasn't contacted me. It's still hell and I still think about her every hour but it's better than every 5 minutes like 2 weeks ago. Do it and don't look back. Like Talaniman says, "Never make someone a priority in your life while allowing them to be an option in theirs."

DJ28 · Jan 24, 2009, 04:53 PM

So its been my first day of NC and omg this is very tuff. There has been so many times today that have wanted to talk to her, and man my emotions have been going up and down all day lots of crying. I think I'm going to go running here in a little bit to help with this stress.

ja77 · Jan 24, 2009, 05:01 PM

Originally Posted by DJ28

So its been my first day of NC and omg this is very tuff. There has been so many times today that have wanted to talk to her, and man my emotions have been going up and down all day lots of crying. i think im going to go running here in a little bit to help with this stress.

You need to keep yourself busy DJ it is going to be real hard but most people on this board have stood in your shoes at some point in life so we all no how your feeling.

You are at the right place here and will find lots of support.