[Broken_Shadow]

My Boyfriend and I were together for over 3++years. Every time we get into an argument or fight he wants to break up. I am so confused and broken. He doesn't seem to care about me. He would turn his phone off for days and I always call him back and he told me so many times that he doesn't want the relationship anymore. I have lost so much include my confident, self image and self esteem. I am so lost and all I do is cry... I cry so much that I sometimes can't even breathe. Sometimes I wonder is I am the only one who experiences such harness in my life. Honestly I would NEVER want what I am doing through to happen to anyone else... Ever one handle situation differently. We been having problems so often and he always thinks I am at fault and say I will never change. I always want to spent time with him and he doesn't care. According to him, the realationship is over and I just don't want to accept it because I know how I feel inside and the hurt and suffering that I am experiencing. I would call him over and over, for days he wudn't pick up and turn off his phone and if he does pick up he talks down to me and disrespects me so much that I am embarrassed to talk about the names he calls me. He slapped me one time and I forgave for this. People tell me to just leave him that I deserve better and I will eventually find someone who will treat me the way I deserved to be treated. I think that he will be with another girl and what if he treats her the way I wanted to be treated. I am a mess! I can't think straight... He makes me feel like the reason our relationship can't work is because of me and he tells me I don't treat him good. We had so trust problem earlier in the relationship and I don't completely trust him. So whenever he's with his friends I call to "check up on him", see what he's doing. Other than that I love him so much and I am committed to him. How can I love someone who doesn't care for me in return and just tell me that he doesn't want anything to do with me that I make his life unhappy and for me to just leave him alone - that he will change his phone... I think he made his mind up that he doesn't’t want to be with me anymore…I tried to make myself understand that I don’t want to force someone to be with me, I want someone to be with me whole heartily. But next minute I get so depress and I pick up the phone and call him…and he will not pick up.. I would just re-dial over and over and never does he pick up my call. What do I do?
Please give me some advises guys... I am going insane... The hurt that I feel I can't explain..

p.s Do you think he's taking advantage of me, knowing that I have always called and thinking that he have me wrapped around his finger and I will be there no matter what (cuz I made myself needy towards him, depending on him) Is it possible? And what satisfaction does it give him knowing that I am still calling? If he does still care?

[grindin]

How old are you? By the way, why is he treating you this way, and why do you guys have trust issues? Did you cheat on him or do anything to hurt him?

[Broken_Shadow]

how old are you? btw, why is he treating you this way, and why do you guys have trust issues? did you cheat on him or do anything to hurt him?

I am 24 and he's the same! I found out stuff, one time I when on his computer and saw all some girls added to his msn, I try to find out and he's was talking to one of the girl - whom was his cousin girl (the girl confirmed) but it fact remain that he actually did that - talking to her pretending to be someother guy - called her fr work and even met up wit her for a smoke one day (I talk to the girl and she when figure out wit me that she used to go out wit his cousin) such a mess up situation. Another time I logged on to his voice mail and a girl left a vm and I ask him if he talk to anyone else other than me and he said no - I found out he was lying... they girl told me she is a friend and that he know who I am and I am a psycho that I don't want him to have any female friends and so on... so I had my guard up and was sooo scared that he will be doing something... thats why I would ask him if he's cheating or if he's talking to someone and when he say no I would ask him to confirm that he would go do it just because I ask him.

[411Help]

First of all, you're not the only one going through this magnitude of pain. Currently, I'm experiencing something very similar..

Second of all, why stay with someone who is so miserable being with you?

[cvam07]

HI, wow I don't like to hear that you are being disrespected like that.If he is being upfront with you though and telling you that he does not want you, I think that you should listen. My mother always said, let a man chase/ want you. If he doesn't want you then someone else will --ten fold. Besides you are still quite young and there are a lot of men out there, that really can treat you better. ( I've dated quite a bit before I met my boyfriend/baby father) I am now 33 yrs. I had the bad experience of staying in a 2 year relationship when I was 24 yrs. And he was verbally abusive and embarrassed me in public as well as jealous and controlling. At the time I had self-esteem issues, and I ended up breakng up and then got back with him after a couple of months. After he wined me and dined me, it went back to the same old thing Where he disrespected me again and again.I finally got the courage to give him a peace of my mind and tell him that he was better suited for someone else that would take his bull.. . You definietly can be treated a lot better and shouldn't don't settle for less. Breaking up is really hard but everything takes time to heal, and years later you will be looking back regretting that you didn't do it sooner.

[talaniman]

You both need to go about your lives as you bring out the worse in each other, and that's not healthy.

Depending on him?? Not healthy, You really should learn to let go. How, stop contacting him, and don't let him contact you.

You are allowing him to treat you badly. Break up, and stay broken up, so you can learn to stand up for yourself, by yourself.

[Romefalls19]

The only person you should depend on is yourself. You have put too much into this relationship, no trust = no relationship. Get out now while you still realize you are your own person

[peacelover]

I think you are afriad that you will not ever find anyone to love you like he might have in the beginning but you really need to find yourself. I also think he made it very clear, its over, please accept this and move on, by calling him over and over won't do anything but turn him off even more. I think you need to find yourself, do some spiritual healing and also build up yourself esteem, love yourself and try trusting people. If u can't trust him then there is no point ob being with someone. Its crucial to trust people.

[18Ahunnie]

To tell you the truth hun this beavior of yours is very immature, you have to hear this blundtly and thruthfully rather then pity answers I know what your going through hun had alo of bad experiences of my own. Seeing how I grew up with guys being the girliest girl made me look like a moron, but I did realize what they think of our stupid behavior towards then. That is just it its ridiculously stupid.

Sweetie I can tell you have a good heart on you, but reality check, you can't make somebody like you if they don't. You can't make somebody date you if they don't want to. Try putting yourself in his shoes hun. I don't think anybody likes their ex gf/bf to get back together with them repeatadly if that's not needed. You would have an amusing laugh about them wouldn't you?

Us, women have to be strong with or without men. It will take a while for you to get over it but I think it will be for the best. Any boy who makes you cry like that shouldn't be with you.

Don't beat yourself up over this. Your still young and you have to experience all the jerks before you find the right one ;)

Time heals itself. Trust me hun, put a smile on your face and if you ever see him, he must see ou happy without you and he's going to regret it!

[Broken_Shadow]

Honestly reading alll the comment/feedback really makes my cry... Honestly because I Know how I feel deep down. I just have to accept this and move on and every time I think of moving on I feel like breaking and falling... I honestly feel miserable.

U know what break me the most, he got Facebook and add all there girls and comment and girls pic... as much as I don't need that in my life I also don't want to c it happen - sometimes I think cudn't he at least care a little - how can't he not when I do? It would at least give me a piece of mind know that he does and he's hurting also.

I heard he's been going around tell people I am crazy tat I wudn't leave him alone... I really want to but I need to find it in my heart that I am doing the right thing and stop listen to my heart and think of my well being - to be hones I know all of these things but I am hurting so much that it seem to be blur.

I sincerely thank you guys for the feedback and do reply and comment.

[Romefalls19]

The best advice for you, stay away from those online social networking sites. They will break you down emotionally and keep the wounds fresh longer.

[peacelover]

I agree with him, at the end of the day you want to be with someone as much as they want to be with you. You can't force him, it should be willingly both ways, no need to make him want to be with you. IF he broke up with you and he kept on calling u then its one thing( which is my problem at the moment ) but he chose to end things and he is sticking to it.. Don’t let him desrespect you. Show some pride and stop calling him. You really need to work on yourself esteem, regain confidence , you are so young, you have a long way ahead... Learn from this experince and embrace the happiness u deserve.

[Broken_Shadow]

The best advice for you, stay away from those online social networking sites. They will break you down emotionally and keep the wounds fresh longer.

Looking at my situation from your perspective - with regards to the 100 times I have called him (seriously) just redial his # and everything - and he never pick up or he turn his phone off (very recent) Do u think he's fully over me - Is it real for a guy to get over a girl he when out with for 3 yrs - do you think he can easily be distracted by friends/girls and already looking or moved on?

[Romefalls19]

I was the whole who got broken up with by my ex girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. I called for a bit, and then I found this site and went No Contact. She called me and I didn't answer, she would text me every once in awhile and still got no answer. It's a healing solution everyone does, once you start it you will stop worrying so much about him getting over you as you are that you are finally moving forward with your life. Think about something else, each day set a new goal for yourself. Mine was to not look at her myspace(lasted 5 months). We broke up a week before X-mas and my New Years Resolution was to talk to a random person at least 5 times a week, always bring about yourself confidence.

[peacelover]

Brokenshadow - its not a matter of how long you were with him but its all about the connection and the type of relationship you had, some people can be witheachtoehr for 10 yrs and break up vs other can be with each other for 25 yrs and still keep it going, is he over you? Can't answer that for him but he obviously made it clear he doesn’t want to speak with you so then why are you pursuing it. You can make someonee be with you nor can you sway them, its an individual choice and if he isn't answering his phone and turning it off then you need to understand that he isn't into it. I think what would help is if you backed off and stop calling and then give him that time to think... You aren't allowing him to miss you. If you love him then set him free and if he comes back then take it from there, you can't control him and who he is dating or wanting to date, let him date and meet people and he will compare them to you. So if he comes back then its up to you to take him back but the constant calling is major turn off and if a guy did that to me, it comes off very very desperate and needy... but that’s me.. Hope it helps.

[talaniman]

Did you ever consider someone might have told him to go NO CONTACT with you, so he could heal???

[Broken_Shadow]

Yes I taught about it - His friends them definitely told him not to call me and tell him not to get back with me- u know what I just can't understand or don't want to understand that how can he just can forget what ever we had - for he he was my 1st true love, whom I was so in love with and I honestly revolved my life around him (my mistake?) - everything I did was for and with him. I sometimes would feel bad to have a good laugh without him. If someone told him to not contact me then he listen. I tried to stay about fr those online site (facebook) but I keep wondering what he's doing and if he's talking to someone else these taught and feeling are driving me insane.. I don't have appetite - I haven't eaten for 2 days not a good meal because I don't feel hungry. HOW CAN A PERSON JUST DON'T CARE.

[Broken_Shadow]

Brokenshadow - its not a matter of how long you were with him but its all about the connection and the type of relationship you had, some people can be witheachtoehr for 10 yrs and break up vs other can be with eachother for 25 yrs and still keep it going, is he over you? Can't answer that for him but he obviously made it clear he doesn’t want to speak with you so then why are you persuing it. You can make someonee be with you nor can you sway them, its an individual choice and if he isnt answering his phone and turning it off then you need to understand that he isnt into it. I think what would help is if u backed off and stop calling and then give him that time to think... You arent allowing him to miss you. If you love him then set him free and if he comes back then take it from there, you can't control him and who he is dating or wanting to date, let him date and meet people and he will compare them to you. So if he comes back then its up to you to take him back but the constant calling is major turn off and if a guy did that to me, it comes off very very desperate and needy...but that’s me.. Hope it helps.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate you answer - I Just keep reading it and reading it over and over again - the only taught in my head if what if he take the time and don't miss me and just get over me also. At least it gives me a piece of heart to know what he is and will be thinking about me and what we had, the good times we shared and the times we spend together - he was my 1st true, real relationship who I just wanted to last. Honestly sometimes I just call him for him NOT to FORGET me. Because I feel like if I don't call he will forget me.

[peacelover]

By calling him you aren't allowing him to reflect or think, you are simply in his head "annoying" him or coming across "needy" and that's a major turn off, sorry I don't mean to come across harsh but I want you to understand so you don't make this mistake over and over. Ask yourself, you want to be with someone who deosnt want t be with you? I hope your answer is NO! So let him be, if you stop calling him, he will start questioning it and may have a change of heart but stop thinking that this is the end of the world and he was the one because if he was he would stick around and try to make it work.. I was 24 once and I been through this.. trust me! I found someone amazing and frogot my ex in heartbeat, sounds prety bad but its true... rememebr the horrible things he said and did.. it will help!

[LifeChangesMan]

Hey,

Broken Shadow, I'm coming on to this thread late but I think I got a pretty good idea of what's going on, so I'll try and give my two cents as well.

First of all, I don't think that he's taking advantage of you because, I think he would at least be responding to your calls every once and awhile to make sure you were still there, so do not worry about that.

Also, I quickly read your original post and it seems like you had a lot of negative things to say about him in the relationship but your in an emotional whirlwind which kept you around, anytime a man hits a woman there's a serious problem that comes to my mind, and he's probably not much of a man at all, you should NOT put up with this at all nor, give him your love.

You asked if he cares about you or thinks about you... are you kidding me? Do you honestly think the answer to this question is no. Of course you don't, trust your instincts and stop over thinking situations so much, it'll just mess with your head. Unfortunately, I guess it's sad to say it is possible he doesn't but I really doubt it... However, I would suggest stop calling him repeatedly and over and over because that will cause him to want nothing to do with you and just be annoying,

BUT what you should do... you already know, no more talking, no more contact, no more anything of him in your life... why? Well, think about it put yourself in his shoes... Ex keeps calling me 100 times a day, a week goes by not a word or a sign of life from you to him... Probably going to raise flags in his mind, and get him thinking and confused about what your doing and how you feel about him now, it'll be hard, I know I stuck it through and I'm 100% better but, Trust me when I tell you... It'll be worth it.

Yours Truly,
LCM