[rapper99]

I have an eleven year old son. I have been divorced from his abusive father for four years. I also have a nineteen year old daughter and a four year old daughter. I live in a state that I do not have any relatives only my x husbands' family. I get along really well with my x mother-in-law .She is very supportive of me and the children. My x husband picks up my son without communicating with me. When he has our son with him he says negative things about me to my son. When my son returns home he looks at me in an evil way, snapps at me if I ask any questions about what he did with his father. My son disrespects me almost every chance he gets. He is very condescending and talks to me like I am a stranger in the streets. What do I do?

[Hamselv007]

Hello.

Seem's like you ex is filling your sons head with his own ''hatred'' towards you.
One thing you can do is research the option about child custody. Restrain the father form seeing the kids or or have some sort of supervision.

[JBeaucaire]

Call your ex and ask for help. Swallow your pride, ASK him to help you keep peace with your son.

He's the dad, he needs a positive attitude training from his father. Ask the father to help.

Ask for his advice on how he thinks you should handle the disrespectful behavior from the son since you want to insure he improves without harming his relationship with the dad, other than the dad BEING a dad.

You see, the divorce is over. You two have split up. It's over. You have to stop fighting now. If he won't, then you do it. Do it in his face. Treat the dad with respect (deserved or not) and ask for his advice/assistance (needed or not) to start the process of him coming around.

It could take some time.

In the end, if the DAD can teach his son to be respectful to his elders, especially his own parents, it's the best way for him to learn it.

If possible, a joint discussion with the boy with you and the dad sitting at the table together and working this out with the boy would go a long way, too.

Your son needs to see you and the dad getting along. Period. It has to happen. You lead the way. Every chance you get, demonstrate peace to your son and your ex-husband. Let them see you mean it.

In your heart, you may not mean it, but with practice you will. And wishing well on others who have wronged us the path the great character development.
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Read this poem:
"If" by Rudyard Kipling

[JBeaucaire]

rapper99 agrees: I never thought of that approach, just remember my x is an abuser he beats women ,and is still doing it now.

Dear, if this is true, your son getting along with you is the LEAST of your worries. He's going to grow up and emulate his role models, so he will most likely find putting down women (even abusing them) is the natural way.

You are going to have to worry less about him being nice to you and more about him getting regular (daily?) interaction with male role models who KNOW they are offsetting male-abuse-modeling from the boy's father. He needs to see some men respecting and deferring to women and being happy in the process.

He NEEDS that right now, today, more than he needs peace with you. I hope you can manage both in the long run, but get that boy around some positive male men yesterday.