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gupygal · Dec 25, 2008, 06:00 AM

My 18 year old stole a new camara from his sister to give as a gift to someone else. What do I do?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 25, 2008, 08:47 AM

Does he work, is he in school, does he live at home.

But if he has not given it yet, take it back and do some punishment if he is living at home.

talaniman · Dec 25, 2008, 09:38 AM

You get the camera back, and kick him out.

ISneezeFunny · Dec 25, 2008, 09:50 AM

The other answers make sense. As an 18-year old... he's a legal adult. You can even press charges if you'd like. What's the reason for stealing it? Is he just angry at his sister, or can he really not afford one to give to someone else?

This lesson is critical, because when he gets a bit older (he should be mature enough NOW), he'll think, "If I can't afford that car, I'll just steal it." Granted, that's on a bigger scale, but I really do suggest you get the camera back, and take something of his away.

JBeaucaire · Dec 26, 2008, 09:31 PM

Does the daughter know he did this? Is the proof conclusive? Do you know who he gave it to? Would you consider contacting the "friend" he gave it to and politely ask they return the stolen camera so you can give it back to the person it was stolen from?

There are a lot of "in your face" ways to deal with this, but I would be careful. The most important thing isn't yelling and screaming and accusing, maybe it's not even punishment. The most important thing is that he realize his attempt(s) at subterfuge failed and you/your family will do NOTHING to help him hide his evil behavior.

In fact, you not only don't hide it, you talk about it calmly and openly and matter-of-factly. You don't ask him "if" he did it, you have the proof and know he has, so all you're talking about with him is how he wants to fix it. You get the friend on the phone and include them in the conversation. Again, NOT in anger, but in concerned, firm words requiring he atone for the sin.

Embarrassment goes a LONG way in situations like this. He will try to deny, and he will try to engage you in an argument. Don't get roped in.

If he denies, ignore the comments and continue talking to him as if his words equate to "yes I did it."

If he tries to scream and get you into an argument, calmly talk to one another about it until he's done trying to fight, then include him in the discussion again.

He needs to see that:

1. He's already been convicted
2. Public revelation of his crime is guaranteed, up to him how dumb he looks afterward by denying or ignoring it...
3. Restitution will occur

gupygal · Dec 28, 2008, 11:15 AM

Thanks everyone for the advice. We noticed the new camara (she had just recvd it a few days before for her birthday missing on Xmas Eve. I suspected after diligently searching that he may have had something to do with it, when I noticed the box missing, I kind of new. I searched his car the next morning and found it in there. I put the camara on the table next to where we opened gifts so he was sure to see it when he got up. He was visibly upset while we were opening gifts. (which I didn't even give him everything I had for him because I didn't think he deserved them. I spoke with him later about it, but of course could get no real response from him. I don't know what his problem is and I still am not sure what to do about it. I didn't tell my daughter or husband the truth because that would just cause more problems then it is worth. So Ineed to deal with this somehow. I am so furious and sad that he would do something like this (this is not the first time he has taken something that did not belong to him) but to do this to his sister and Iam sure he was going to give it to his girlfriend. Thanks again for the advice, any other suggestions greatly appreciated!

ISneezeFunny · Dec 28, 2008, 11:17 AM

Does he not have a job? Can he not afford his own gifts?

talaniman · Dec 28, 2008, 05:11 PM

I didn't tell my daughter or husband the truth because that would just cause more problems then it is worth.

I do not agree with you not telling your husband, and daughter, the truth. Its like it never happened, and looks like your covering for him. THAT IS WHAT CREATES MORE PROBLEMS, him not having consequences to pay.

JBeaucaire · Dec 28, 2008, 05:24 PM

You're enabling him by saving yourself embarrassment and keeping quiet.

It doesn't "cause more problems" to tell, it just embarasses you... AND HIM. If he doesn't experience the humiliation, if it costs him NOTHING, he'll keep it up. Guaranteed.

I would've marched him AND his sister out to the car to retrieve the camera, with the rest of the family watching from the curb.