Check out some similar questions!

a la king · Dec 24, 2008, 10:34 PM

Originally Posted by Fab1987

I know already that the thing that will hurt the most is that she is going to meet and sleep with another guy.

Is it normal to imagine him to be more successful than me, a better lover than me etc etc?

Or is that just my own insecurities making me think like that?

Yeah bro, that's totally normal. I'd say don't get too hung up on it - but you will anyway ;)

Part of us always wants our ex's to sit in a little box for the rest of their lives so they don't meet anyone else (it's selfish but true). But the reality is they (and you) will move on to other people. Some things about that other person they might like more or less... or it might be completely different. You'll never know-- and probably shouldn't know as you are moving along with your life too and don't need hangups like that getting in the way or your personal productivity.

Just remember that we're all going through or have gone through this kind of thing. You're not alone.

Just hang in there and try to focus on yourself. Become bigger and stronger.

Fab1987 · Dec 25, 2008, 11:06 AM

Well we spoke this morning and basically its clear its over. She needs to go out there and experience a new relationship with another man and only then will she know if what we had was good.

The good thing is that although there are something's I could say to make her stay with me a bit longer that "what if" question will always be there and so I would only be prolonging the inevitable. I see that despite my pain and so I won't be in denial.

Unfortunately she is here for another 9 days and that 9 days is going to be agony. Somehow I need to grit my teeth and hang in there. When she leaves I can start the No Contact stage and start/continue to grieve.

One other strange thing is that when I look her she looks different. Our relationship is already profoundly affected. Since she harrived last night we have tried to pretend nothing has happened but everything is different.

I wonder if "I" could even continue with her even though I love her.

Fab1987 · Jan 11, 2009, 08:29 PM

It's been exactly 1 week of no contact and its been up and down. More down this particular night.

I have been thinking hard about what went wrong and more specifically what I couldn't give her that made her come to this decision. My question is related to that.

I have a very important question that id like to ask her but that will obviously break the no contact. The question I have has been haunting for me for days and I'm not sure if the answer will help me move on, but it could give me real insight into why she is looking for someone else. What do I do?

talaniman · Jan 11, 2009, 08:33 PM

You stay with No Contact, that's what you do. Ask her nothing.

Fab1987 · Jan 11, 2009, 08:36 PM

Ok, I will. Just out of interest, what's your reasoning?

Fab1987 · Jun 2, 2009, 11:45 AM

Hello again! Thanks for everyone support in the past. Everything has changed and again I need some advice.

I have moved on and met someone else. I am having a great time with this girl. My ex on the other hand wants me back. She met someone and even though he is more successful than me in his career she compared him to me in every way and he came up short, It made her realize how much she wanted me back. Unfortunately I don't know if I feel the same way. Now I face the prospect of telling her this. It breaks my heart to have to do it. Especially because I know everything else in her life is in a bad way.

She has gone as far as looking for jobs in back in Canada and leaving France where she has been since Sep 08.

How do I approach this situation?

Thanks.

Lonelyandbroken · Jun 2, 2009, 12:13 PM

You tell her you have moved on. Remember she didn't want to be with now she suddenly does. Cut your losses.

Syzygy · Jun 2, 2009, 12:15 PM

If you truly don't feel the same way, you can't lead her on. You have to be direct with her. It might break your heart to have to break hers but doing this will guide her into not clinging on to hope that isn't there. If her life is bad in other respects, stringing her along is going to provide false support. She needs to face these on her own. Tell her directly about how you feel, that you are happy with a new person and you no longer have feelings of wanting to be with her.

ajGambino · Jun 2, 2009, 03:00 PM

Tell her the truth.

You've moved on, met someone else, and your feelings for her has died down.

I understand you don't know if you feel the same way. You need to stay away from her if you're still unsure. You have a new girlfriend and you're having a great time, do not cut yourself short. Have fun man, don't worry about her.

talaniman · Jun 2, 2009, 04:16 PM

So you broke NC, that's to bad. Go back to it. Nothing has changed except you have moved on with your life.

Or have you forgotten the misery, and pain, and confusion, you came here with.

beyazpeynir · Oct 2, 2009, 03:35 AM

I am going through exactly the same thing.
I have been with my boyfriend about 9 years now. We met in the US although both of us are coming from different parts of the world. Me turkey he is from Japan. I broke up with him 9months ago but because we are so used to each other and financially we need each other we still live in the same house and work for the same company.
We both moved to Denmark then to the UK for the same companies. Our world is so packed with the same kind of people, we almost became like our own islands... I think as I got older I started to feel I actually might want to experience different things, like a different life even, and I totally can relate to your girlfriend. She needs to experience differences and see what she really had... and might have in the future.
Also age and life stages make such a big difference, you start to see a new kind of you, and want to follow that. Especially the job she is doing it might be changing her, which mine did, it revealed a new me... and that changed everything...
So I think 8 years is not easy to end, actually beyond hard, almost feels like you are pulling your won nail out. But sometimes you have to do it. It hurts you more in some ways because she is the one who is putting in the words, but I believe it must be beyond hurting her.
I think there is a beautiful quote for this, SET IT FREE and if it comes back, it has been always yours... and you know Set yourself free, you don't know what is waiting for you also!