[worriedmommy]

My son was born with two fingers on his left hand. The doctors do not know what to do and I have to travel to Denver to get tests done on him. Does anyone have advice to help ease my mind? I do not want to have to take his toes to put on his hands. He has his thumb and his pinky.

[StaticFX]

Why would they have to do anything? I guarantee he will do fine. I have seen plenty of people with less, or highly deformed hands and do just fine writing, driving, etc... He will learn to do things much easier than you think. Is his right hand normal?

Why would they take his toes off? Would a toe actually grow out to be a finger?

[worriedmommy]

why would they have to do anything? I guarantee he will do fine. I have seen plenty of people with less, or highly deformed hands and do just fine writing, driving, etc.... He will learn to do things much easier than you think. Is his right hand normal?

why would they take his toes off? would a toe actually grow out to be a finger?

It is my husbands idea, he is worried that people will make fun of him. He also said that they might have to take his toes. I just want some insight it is hard enough in this day an age, but it is my husbands first child and he is worried sick about this

[danielnoahsmommy]

No need to take toes. He will do fine with the two fingers he has. Removal of toes creates issues with walking and balance. Start him with ocupational therapy as soon as possible

[StaticFX]

worriedmommy... it wouldn't matter if he was perfect. He could still get made fun of for something ;)
I went to school with a kid that had deformed fingers... and he was one of the popular kids!
I could understand your husbands feelings.. I would feel upset as well.. but in reality, I wouldn't change a thing. You son will do just fine :)

[mikedem7]

Your son will be fine. Just give him love and let him keep his toes.

[Wondergirl]

Tests aren't needed unless there's a serious medical reason. Keep his toes where they are and leave his hand alone. He will do just fine and will never miss what he doesn't have.

My son is autistic and never got picked on by kids in school. Another student had Tourette's Syndrome and would shout out in class spontaneously and his arms and body would occasionally jerk around especially when he got excited. Nobody thought twice about it. This was from Pre-K through high school. These two kids knew they were worthwhile persons and projected that kind of confidence.

Every child has something "wrong" with him -- has terrible enamel on teeth or is too short or is too tall or has a birthmark or is chubby or gets middle ear infections or has red hair or is shy or is giggly or bites his nails or is too smart for his own good -- all those things parents might think are problems. Note -- the parents have problems accepting sometimes, but the kids don't if the "disabled" child explains the problem and removes all the mystery. (Kids are curious, but not mean.)

I remember one little girl named Jan who had bright red hair in a sea of brown-haired kids in her Lutheran school pre-K class. She stood out like a sore thumb. One little boy asked her where she got her hair, and she answered, "From God." Everyone was in awe of Jan and her glorious hair. Years later, that boy married her.

Love your son as the valuable person he is and treat him like any other child you have. Kids are very adaptable and also very accepting of each other.

[worriedmommy]

I do look past his hand, it is my husband. Every time we try to talk about it we fight. I want to keep his toes and I do not want him to ever think that something is wrong with him, because he is perfect just like God wanted him, but I hate to fight with my husband and he does not listen to what I have to say, his way or no way, I don't want to put any more hardship on our marriage because I don't think it can handle it. [

[Wondergirl]

I do look past his hand, it is my husband. every time we try to talk about it we fight. I want to keep his toes and I do not want him to ever think that something is wrong with him, because he is perfect just like God wanted him, but I hate to fight with my husband and he does not listen to what I have to say, his way or no way, I don't want to put any more hardship on our marriage because I don't think it can handle it. [

Empathize with your husband and let him grieve, because that is what he needs to do. He wanted a perfect son with all toes and fingers, but he got a son who is less than perfect. Your husband sees only that and wants to fix his son, to make him perfect so that strangers won't stare and people won't make fun. Your husband needs love and understanding right now. Grieve with him about how things don't always turn out as expected, but also encourage him that your son will have many talents and abilities that will make both of you proud.

If you do go to Dallas, I'm guessing that doctor, or any other doctor, would discourage removing toes to replace missing fingers. Like someone else said, then there will be balance and walking problems. And perhaps meeting with a family counselor will help the two of you understand each other's point of view?

I wish you and your family the best resolution to this.