[bryanna]

Okay, first let me say that our wedding is FAR from traditional. Classy, but all our own. My fiancé and I are having a destination wedding. The guest list consists of 30-32 people, who all happen to be family or part of the bridal party. My initial thought was to send out invitations now. They would be hand written by my mother (she has georgeous penmenship), and they would be about ten months early. I planned on sending them along with an itinerary showing prices of golf, spa, and rooms for the nights that we will not be paying, if our guests choose to stay (we will be paying for accommodations on the night of our wedding). My reasoning behind this is that there are several people that need time to save some money; some have childeren and need that "extra" time to plan, and some just need extra time to plan for time off. For instance, we have a friend who is in the service... he needs to be able to plan, right? At least that's what he told me. Anyway, two months or so before the actual event, I'd planned on sending a sort of "classy reminder" to somewhat take place of the initial invitation. My sister thinks that it's tacky and too early and that I should just send an itinerary followed by the invitations two months before. My fiancé and I don't agree with this for obvious reasons... "you're not invited yet, but just in case, here's what we will be doing". My mother is the harshest one of all! She flat out told me that this is tacky, wrong and if I want to look ridiculous that's my perogitive. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a stickler for ettiquette, however, I find it sad that the only people who would judge me on this belong to my own family. Please help me with this!! I feel that I either need justification for the matter OR I need to be put in my place. Thank you for your help in advance.

[RickJ]

How about a middle ground? Contact the guy in the service to give him advance notice... and send the formal invitations/itinerary/etc 3-4 months prior to the date rather than 2.

Would that make everyone happy?

[valinors_sorrow]

I am one for maintaining etiquette unless its preposterous (and it sometimes is!) even though I am something of a rule breaker when it comes to weddings (our wedding was a potluck affair - very fun, very off the path LOL). There is a small, subtle assumption that people will plan vacations of sorts around your wedding and I am wondering how viable that really is? Many people are prepared to come to a wedding without additional incentive -- is that somehow different for your gang or is it the location doing that?

The workable compromise is to maintain the two month guideline on the formal invitiations (mostly because they serve as a good reminder) but include a short, sweet, casual note with the itinerary you are sending early stating "Your invitation will be arriving in ______ but I thought you would like an early heads-up on the big plans. Oh, by the way, here is what's possible for fun in the area. We thought you might be interested in." That way they understand that they really are invited and why they are getting the itinerary early. Or since its only 32 guests, make phone calls to everyone now letting them in on the date and ask if they would like information to help in making fun plans, sending only to those who express interest. I like that one best since you don't risk someone getting materials that makes them go "Huh??"

And lastly, a gentle reminder that it is YOUR day so take some of the family stuff with a grain of salt, or perhaps a pinch of jordan almonds, in this case? Congrats to you both!

[bryanna]

Good idea. What about the costs though? 90% of the people going are going to need an idea of how much they will need to save. I just don't like the idea of sending an itineraray before the actual invite.

[bryanna]

Thank you Val! Great advice!