[misshar]

My niece is a drug addict can anyone please tell me if her life is ever going to turn around I really have a bad feeling she is going to end up dead real soon and I can't shake this feeling. Her dob is 7/29/88 she is 20 years old and a leo Anything anyone can give me would be great.:D

[N0help4u]

Can you talk to her. Tell her you got a strong feeling that something bad is going to happen and she needs to get serious about her life and get to rehab.
Really there isn't much of anything you can do without her consent.
Even getting her to rehab won't do much good if she isn't wanting to for herself.

[misshar]

Yes but it falls on deaf ears she has been on herion since she was 13 years old now she started using a needle. We have all tried to help her but she just don't want it:(

[KBC]

Maybe instead of making a shot in the dark by looking for answers which may end up being speculation,you might look at going to a support group and supporting your niece.

Obviously you feel strongly that she is in trouble,but what can we do with this information other than guess(and maybe wrongly).

I am one to advise the person questioning(YOU) to get to AL-anon(as they are a person to person support group) or in contact with people in NA(as they deal with drug addiction)and see what you can do to help.

I hope this makes sense.

KBC

[misshar]

I have done more then support my niece I'm raising her baby and have children of my own also. I'm not trying to sound ungreatful for your advice but I have gone above and beyond for my niece and right now a shot in the dark right now is better then nothing.

[asking]

A feeling of impending doom is one symptom of depression. If you might be depressed you need help. You niece obviously needs help. I recommend seeking counseling for what sounds like a very difficult situation. It is wonderful that you are caring for your niece's baby, but it sounds like you need some help yourself. Nobody can do it all. Your children and your niece's baby need you strong and healthy, so take care of yourself too. Take care.

[KBC]

I am sorry it made you defensive,I didn't mean for it to do that.

If you are stuck in a situation where you have to take the child from an addict,what are your choices?You could ask her to be responsible for her own child!OR you could ask human services to take the child to a foster home as you can't continue to care for them.OR you can keep enabling your niece to continuing the lifestyle she is living.

I am not being argumentative,I am showing you what others see of this situation.

I am not lost to the effects of addiction and the lives it wrecks,I am a survivor of this lifestyle,and a recovering addict myself.

If you really want to help her,you have to set a boundries for the amount of care and time you are willing to allow for her addiction.

[N0help4u]

Maybe some tough love is what she needs. Make sure you are not doing things to enable her. Does she work? Do you buy everything for her and give her money? If so you need to cut back or cut her off supporting her. By supporting her so she doesn't need money you enable her to be freed up with her money so she can afford more drugs.
Take a hard look at how you can do things different no matter how unimportant or irrelevant they may seem.

[Jake2008]

I have been where you are now, only it was with my daughter. I have some idea from what you've said that you have already been through hell over this. The ones that love addicts, suffer so much.

I know that everything I tried to do, did not work. It ruined my health, and my enjoyment of life, and my son and husband were left on the back burner while I tried to move mountains. Eventually, she turned to crimes, and it was only when she was arrested, and assessed, that they were able to determine there were serious mental health issues, of which I had also addressed since she was an early teen, but she refused treatment.

She was eventually committed to a psychiatric hospital where she remains as of now. Even though I know she is safe, and well cared for, the recovery for her started only with major intervention. Therapy didn't work, counsellors were unable to reach her, the police and court system did not deter her. She did not follow any rules, she broke every one, and her only goal was to continue with drugs.

I don't know where you live, or what mental health services are available to you for guidance. If you can, or even if you already have, go and speak to your family Doctor about any possible referrals he can make, including legal ones. Find out what is available to her, and to you. Now that she is an adult, I suspect that there is more to her history now than what you know.

As others have said, get some good information and support for yourself, and in so doing, you will be stronger, and begin to separate what you can do, from what you cannot. There will be information that you may have not been aware of that might help now.

I wish you well, and hope that, as many others have, your niece will overcome this addiction.

[isabelle]

I have seen addicts ruin there lives. She has got to hit bottom for her self. Everyone's bottom is different. You need to stop helping her in any way as that only makes you an enabler. You can't love her to death.

It is so hard and you really need to love yourself and seek some help for you, as one poster told you.

Good luck in what ever you decide to do. I hope you have a good support system as it is very hard to be where you are.

I want you to know that there are many people who understand, as some of these messages have shown you.

Stand strong and let her hit her bottom . Then maybe you can help her. The only answer I can see you giving her , no matter what she asked you for is... NO. Only if you go into rehab.

Good luck, It is hard.

[Fr_Chuck]

There is little you can do that will make them change, And normally though tough love, not helping them keep on their habit, don't give them money and let them hit bottom, Sadly a addict will do anything and the bottom is pretty low.

[Jake2008]

While I agree that everyone's bottom is different, and there is sometimes a fine line between enabling someone, and helping them. That is one of the things that a counsellor or support group can help with.

I think that waiting for someone's bottoming out is giving up on somebody. We assume that if we take away all support and love, and change the locks on the doors and turn our backs, that somehow that will snap a person into realizing what they are doing with their lives, and they'll suddenly wake up, and get the help they need.

Had I done that myself with my daughter, she would be dead.

There are reasons beyond what is obvious for people being addicted, and for them being kept in that spiral of self-destruction. Letting somebody bottom out is not a plan that fits all circumstances.

I can see setting limits and boundaries, making a stand, and clearly setting expectations. But, I can't see giving up on somebody because they have an addiction, until they somehow come around on their own.

More often than not, there are mental health issues, and that has to be assessed at some point. Is it mental health issues that keep the addiction alive in the first place?

If a loved one were manic depressive or schizophrenic, and stopped taking their medication, would we sit back and wait until they came around?

I know myself that I couldn't stand by and watch somebody deteriorate to the point of death, and think that tough love was the right thing to do. At least not without some structure to implementing a plan, for all parties concerned.

[rebeccastrean22]

Honestly as much as this is going to hurt you when you read this it the truth. You can't help some one unless they want to be helped. You can talk to her, re-assure her, tell her that no matter what you always have sumone to talk to but seriously trust me! I have druggies for parents and I know these things unless they want help you can't give it to them no matter what because they usually slip and fall and that person and you are right back where you started from. I'm sorry but it is the truth.

[ggcadc]

Take care of yourself, find a local alanon meeting and go.
Also take a look a Codependents anonymous... just a thought

[talaniman]

The future of an addict is jail, institutions, or death and they reek havoc in the lives of those that care and are close to them.

You must protect yourself by keeping them away from you, and out of your life, as they bring nothing but misery, and pain, with their disease.

Sorry for your situation, but you can educate yourself about the addict and get some support of those also in your situation at Narcotics Anonymous.

Yes its tragic when this happens to a loved one, but until they have had enough and really want a change, there is very little you can do but protect yourself.

http://www.drug-addiction-hotline.com/


http://www.addictionsearch.com/treat...ine_39183.html

http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/

http://www.righthealth.com/Health/Na...-sb-1229281301

There is a lot of help, and support out there, so don't ever give up on yourself.

[Jake2008]

With all due respect, to say that everyone has to reach their 'bottom' and snap out of it so to speak, and suddenly decide that they need help, is just too simple.

If everybody turns their back, and decides to agree that they need to protect themselves, and boot the bum out, tell me where the compassion is. Where is the love. Where is the plan for everybody concerned to help the individual with the addiction.

If it weren't an addiction, but say a person with chronic heart problems, who refuses to see a Doctor- do we give up on him? Or the teenager who refuses to take their insulin injections because they don't want to gain weight, do we give up on her? What about the person who has recovered from manic depression and decides to go off their meds, do we give up on them too?

Addiction, when it happens, is not a choice, made by an individual to make everybody's life miserable. It isn't done deliberately.

Just my own opinion here, but to accept that we need to turn our backs on people and leave them to reach their own turning point and shut them out, is, for some reason, a solution, and acceptable and quite okay to do.

Food for thought here, a what if... it were one of us? Would we be so quick to agree that locking the door after booting us out was the best thing to do?

[talaniman]

Have you ever tried to help someone who didn't want to be helped?

Have you seen what addicts, and alcoholics, do to those that care enough to try and help?

Compassion is one thing, ignorance, and false hope, is another, and all due respect, if you think that love, and compassion is enough, then I hope your prepared for the worst.

I read your post a very good one, but even you have to agree that something big, and drastic has to happen before they want help.

Its out there for them, but they must want it. You wanting it for them is not enough, I wish it were, then it would not be the heart breaking problem it is now.

[ggcadc]

The compassion comes with all the actions before excluding someone from your life, it is self preservation at the point we are describing.

[talaniman]

I know myself that I couldn't stand by and watch somebody deteriorate to the point of death, and think that tough love was the right thing to do. At least not without some structure to implementing a plan, for all parties concerned.

Please elaborate.

[ja77]

Its out there for them, but they must want it. You wanting it for them is not enough, I wish it were, then it would not be the heart breaking problem it is now.

I agree until a person makes that choice that they want help themselves nothing can be done.