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student_worker2 · Dec 15, 2008, 02:07 PM

Basically it is since I have committed myself to him and we carry our relationship as if we were married... and my dad (minister),pastor,and youth minister has told me the same thing

ZoeMarie · Dec 15, 2008, 02:09 PM

I'm sorry. This doesn't make any sense. Are you married? Did you have a ceremony? Sign any papers? If not, then you're not married and you can break up with him. You can commit yourself to someone without being married. People do it all the time, then when the time is right and if they both want to, they get married. I wouldn't advise marrying this guy if you're so upset with his spirituality. Just break up with him.

student_worker2 · Dec 15, 2008, 02:16 PM

What's your religion? If you don't mind me asking? Because I'm pretty sure what my PASTOr of all people tells me about the bible is accurate since he's been preaching for a long tim... not trying to be rude if I'm coming off that way

ZoeMarie · Dec 15, 2008, 02:21 PM

I'm Lutheran. I don't see what difference it makes.

student_worker2 · Dec 15, 2008, 02:51 PM

I'm not trying to be rude about this at all. But your religion and my religion have two very different ways of looking at things like this... I'm baptist and if my pastor tells me something I'm going to believe him 100%... I may second guess it but I always agree with it... I appreciate your advice and having taken it into consideration but ultimately the decision is mine and my religion plays a really big part in it... if I have offeneded you or have come off as rude or disrespectful or bigheaded or anything but respectful and nice and understanding... I sincerely apologize... deeply

ZoeMarie · Dec 15, 2008, 03:03 PM

The decision is yours. I agree. But you came on this site looking for advice right? And that's what I gave you.

student_worker2 · Dec 15, 2008, 03:08 PM

And in my last reply I thanked you for it... I'm not trying to have a democracy over this... and to answer your question... yes that's the reason I came on here and again I have thanked you for it

N0help4u · Dec 15, 2008, 03:27 PM

You say your dad is Pastor I doubt your dad is telling you this.
In fact what you are saying is in fact your interpretation because what you are describing is actually called fornication and is even more grounds for you leaving him.

student_worker2 · Dec 15, 2008, 03:33 PM

no... fornication is when you have sex before you are married... which I have done but have not discussed in this particular discussion... and no my dad is not a pastor... I said he was a minister... there's a difference

N0help4u · Dec 15, 2008, 03:38 PM

Okay so a Minister says that since you 'gave yourself' to this guy that you need to stick with him?
I have not seen where it says you are married to him. Many guys say 'we are married as far as I am concerned' as a manipulation tactic. Once he wants to leave those words become meaningless.
So did you actually marry or are those just his words?

chrissymarie · Dec 15, 2008, 04:35 PM

Well it seems pretty simple to me... if you boyfriend is holding you back and this new guy is helping you become who you want to be... stick with the new guy.

Also I don't believe 6 or 7 months is enough to determine you want a family and future with someone.

Keep your options open and take a look around and smell the flowers before you settle on one person for the rest of your life.

Its probably a good idea to separate yourself from things that are holding you back from becoming who you want to be and move forward with what or WHO ever is helping you. But you do not need to jump from one relationship to another.

Give yourself sometime to get to know this new guy. Just because he says and acts like a man of God doesn't mean he doesn't sin. He may have raging hormones and may just be looking to get you in bed. Be cautious.

chrissymarie · Dec 15, 2008, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by student_worker2

i do love my current bf and since i have comitted myself to him..the bible syas that i am practically married to him and we just haven't had the ceremony yet...and i have been sticking with him because of that....i just wish he was as spiritual or maybe even more spiritual than or as i am because i don't want to be dating an ungodly man

I understand your trying to follow your religion and everything but please try to remember you only get one life to live. You want to live a happy one don't you? If your not happy with your boyfriend and you don't think things will change stop wasting you time. I'm sure God wants you to be happy. But I'm sure God doesn't want you jumping from man to man either.

chrissymarie · Dec 15, 2008, 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by student_worker2

i completely understand all of that but i really do not want to feel like i have wasted 7 months of my life with him....but you guys are right...i can do nothing but ask him to change if he doesn't so be it....but if i break up with him i'm not going to be able to have another relationship because it would basically be adultry

What religion are you involved with? I have extensive background in Christianity and Cathlocism... and adultry outside of marriage doesn't really exsist. I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say.

N0help4u · Dec 15, 2008, 08:05 PM

Honestly, you are making excuses to stay with him.
The Bible says what God has put together let no man put asunder.
God didn't put you together. I have made the same mistake and I can honestly tell you you can learn the hard way and stay or get away now.

student_worker2 · Dec 15, 2008, 08:58 PM

I am going to try and reply to all of your messages in one response... we have known each other since middle school but we have only been attracted to each other since sophomore year in high school and after I graduated is when we started dating... maybe I am misinterpreting what my dad and pastor are saying but I also do not want to just give up on him... he believes in God but he isn't as involved as I would like for him to be... I understand what all of you are saying about settling down and everything but not once have I said that I wanted to settle down... I said that he said that... I don't agree with settling down yet because I want to finish school and actually become a RN and housewife... he knows all of this... I have set goals in my life and I am not going to stop until I have successfully accomplished them... for my better knowledge about this religious situation.. I'm going to go and talk to my pastor again becausee I obviously have missed something or what not... and if I sound a little rude please don't take it heart because I'm just frustrated about this whole thing and I really do not know what to do.

N0help4u · Dec 15, 2008, 09:09 PM

It also seems to me you are playing word games. You are saying that your Pastor and your dad have said to you that a person should stick with the one they are committed to or something to that effect so you take it that YOU ARE to stick with your boyfriend. Can you tell me you specifically were told by them that they mean YOU should stick with this relationship or are you reading what you want out of what they preach? I think you are asking general questions and not implying that it is you and your boyfriend you are asking about. I bet if you specify that you want to know if God expects you to stick with your boyfriend you will get a different answer. You are NOT married and you are comparing apples to avocados!
You justify sticking with him as if you are already married and it would therefore be wrong to leave him YET you say you do not agree with settling down.
The more you explain the more I think you are skirting around things to justify how you want things to be. That is not how God works. I bet if you asked your dad about what you are claiming that he would not say you are committed and need to stick with him.

student_worker2 · Dec 16, 2008, 06:24 AM

That's alwaya an option... but I said I was going to ask my PASTOR since he has been a preacher longer than my dad has been

N0help4u · Dec 16, 2008, 06:30 AM

Yes ask and make it clear that you are talking dating and not married. I am sure you will get a different answer than what you have been telling us.

student_worker2 · Dec 16, 2008, 09:02 AM

I'm pretty sure I won't but OK

N0help4u · Dec 16, 2008, 09:05 AM

So are you telling the Pastor that you and he are having sex and not married but you feel committed to him so it is not fornication?
And they are telling you you need to stick with him?
I am confused on what you are telling/or going to tell the Pastor.

You say your dad hates him and your dad is a minister so I can't imagine him giving you a go ahead.