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Girlygirlgirl21 · Dec 15, 2008, 11:43 AM

I have not told my mother that me and my husband got married this August. He told both of his parents and they are happy for us and welcomed me into the family. But I just am scared to tell my mom about it. I just feel that if I tell her she will get mad and scared she will not want to talk to me ever again. I know I have to tell her and I really want to but I am still scared.

N0help4u · Dec 15, 2008, 11:47 AM

Why would she be mad? Did she not like him?
I know I would be really upset if one of my kids got married and waited to tell me, but I wouldn't be mad that they got married. At 20 it is time to make your own decisions and learn your own lessons.

yogiboo · Dec 15, 2008, 11:49 AM

The only suggestion I have is to be well prepared when you tell her. If you and your husband have a plan for your future, make sure its realistic and be ready to explain it to her. Try to give her as much reassurance as possible.

Good luck!

Fr_Chuck · Dec 15, 2008, 12:00 PM

Then you are not old enough and mature enough to have gotten married. If you are afraid or ashamed of your actions or hide things this is what children do.

The longer you wait, the worst it will be, call her, text her, write a email or a letter. But start acting your age and responsibility and tell her.

HistorianChick · Dec 15, 2008, 12:21 PM

Wait a minute - I just answered this question on another page... https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/weddin...er-292444.html

The other one has the added fact that you're still living at home and she is paying your college tuition?

If this is the case, you're a married woman and you're using your Mom for money. That's not good.

Its time to be honest.

Take the responsibility that you owned when you married and tell your Mother...

N0help4u · Dec 15, 2008, 12:23 PM

So where does your husband live and why is he not wanting you to live with him? Simply because of the tuition or something else?

Girlygirlgirl21 · Dec 15, 2008, 12:30 PM

I am living with my mother and have not taken the next step to move out. I know I wantt o be with him, but I also want to make my mother happy to.

HistorianChick · Dec 15, 2008, 12:35 PM

The thing is, now that you're married, you need to be with your husband.

You made the decision to marry, rather than continue dating through college. No one forced you to make that decision.

You can't have the best of both worlds in this situation. This is something that should have been addressed before you married.

Honestly, if I was your Mother - or if your Mom was my mother - she will love you, be happy for you, hug and love on you, but then say, "Ok, time for you to move out and take on the responsibility of being a wife." If you were my daughter, I would stop paying for your tuition. You made this decision.

First step is to get a place of your own with your new husband.

N0help4u · Dec 15, 2008, 12:41 PM

My mother always made me feel obligated to her apron strings.
She made me feel emotionally hopeless like in my mind I felt like a 12 yr old. She kept me feeling that way until I was 28 and had a baby. I moved to Texas for a few years to break the feeling.
You need to accept that just as your mother eventually grew up, got married and left home she should accept the same thing will happen with you. It is normal. She should be happy that you got married and not like a lot of girls nowadays that just announce they are moving in with the guy.

Girlygirlgirl21 · Dec 15, 2008, 12:49 PM

I understand, but my mother never got married and has high standard for my husband. I just hope that she will be happy for me. I want to make her proud of me, but I know that she will not be happy.

HistorianChick · Dec 15, 2008, 12:53 PM

Hon, you've already made your decision. Not telling her isn't going to change it.

The best thing you can do right now is be honest with her and tell her that. Tell her that you want her to be happy for you, to love him as her son, to look forward to the grandchildren that will one day call her Grandma... all that good stuff. Be honest and be happy!

Bottom line, you're married. She has to know. What does your husband say to all of this? He has to hate the lying and deceit, right?

Girlygirlgirl21 · Dec 15, 2008, 12:57 PM

He keeps on telling me that I need to tell her ASAP. I know this and I think that my husband and I are going to tell her soon and have a sit down dinner with her and tell her. I know I did it and all that will help is to tell her the truth and straight out.

HistorianChick · Dec 15, 2008, 01:03 PM

You're right. Once you get it out, you'll feel much better. I can't imagine the heavy weight you're carrying. It must be very hard.

When you decide to do it, do it together. Don't tell her alone, tell her with your man at your side. Be positive about it, and tell her how you are planning on providing for your new family.

I wish you the best.

Justwantfair · Dec 15, 2008, 01:22 PM

Wow, I think that she is just going to be even more hurt the longer you wait.

What's done is done, if she had high hopes for your husband, she probably had high hopes for you wedding and being involved. No doubt she will be very disappointed and someday when you are a mother you will understand better.

MsMewiththat · Dec 15, 2008, 01:40 PM

I think she is going to be upset and very concerned that you have been married and living in her house without your husband for the past four months. One other thing to consider is taxes... how do you think that will be handled. Married but your mother's dependent? I smell an audit. You need to tell her and fast

N0help4u · Dec 15, 2008, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

One other thing to consider is taxes.... how do you think that will be handled. Married but your mother's dependent? I smell an audit. You need to tell her and fast

Since she lived with her mother for most of the year and I assume not married that long
I think she will be okay with the taxes at least as long as her husband doesn't try and claim her too.

Girlygirlgirl21 · Dec 15, 2008, 03:58 PM

Yeah I know that my husband will not claim me to. But once everything is out in the open we will do the necessary things. I know it was wrong for me to wait, but I am scared and know that in the next two weeks I will tell my mother. All I have to worry about is the next cycle of laws and taxes, and chnging my name and SSN stuff.

Girlygirlgirl21 · Dec 15, 2008, 04:16 PM

Yeah I will be living with my huband and hopefully finish my last year of college. I will be 21 soon and hve a nice life.

RealEstateMandy · Dec 15, 2008, 05:15 PM

Either way your mom may find out through the grape vine (gossip, friends. etc... ). I wouldn't put off telling her you are married any longer. The longer you wait the more mad she may become when she finds out. Better to be truthful. Even if she does not like that you didn't tell her right away you got married. You did tell her. And you will have a huge weight lifted off you shoulders. Good luck to you! :)

N0help4u · Dec 16, 2008, 03:12 PM

Do not know how reply to msmewiththat got mixed with this post.

Have a small dinner for you, your mom and your husband before New Years day. Talk with her about all the hopes and plans you two have for the future and tell her. Tell her that you really want her blessings but what is done is done and you are determined to make it work.