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martina59 · Dec 12, 2008, 06:21 AM

:(
I'm not sure just what to do. My sister has always treated our son not nearly as well as she has our daughter. She has always seen our daughter as her "favourite" We've all seen it, and none of us (including our son) has no idea why. Our son recently became a father for the first time, and no word of congrats, nothing. What really was the last straw for me was that she planned a family get together for Christmas in Palm Springs and invited everyone in the family except our son. I know this because I asked him if he had heard anything from "Aunt Becky" and he said no. I didn't want to share what she had done; I'd feel pretty left out if it were me, so I want to spare him that. Then when I confronted her that Josh hadn't gotten an invite, her response was "well....I THOUGHT I e-mailed him". His e-mail address has been the same for years, no changes. So it seems to me that she's also lied to me about inviting him, and I'm really hurt over it. She hasn't e-mailed him since this conversation as well.

So... do I confront her as to why I'm cold towards her? She kind of thinks something is up, but I'm not 100% sure if she totally gets it, and I haven't gone into it with her. Plus, I have no solid proof that she lied to me, although I have so much instinct that tells me she has. We're pretty close, but this has really put a wedge in between us as far as I'm concerned. I'd like to get it cleared up, but confrontation with her is pretty brutal. She gets terribly defensive, and fights back like a lion. I'm not super comfortable with confronting her, but still would like to let her know... this wasn't OK with me. Do I have a right to say anything to her about any of this? Our son wouldn't say a thing to her over it if he knew, he just ignores it, and pretends it doesn't bother him.

tickle · Dec 12, 2008, 07:01 AM

If it was a problem like yours in my immediate family involving my son, I wouldn't be asking 'if I should' I would just get it over and done with and out in the open.

I don't understand, if you say you are close with your sisteer, then there should be no problem.

martina59 · Dec 12, 2008, 01:40 PM

Originally Posted by tickle

If it was a problem like yours in my immediate family involving my son, I wouldnt be asking 'if I should' I would just get it over and done with and out in the open.

I dont understand, if you say you are close with your sisteer, then there should be no problem.

Regardless of how close we are in relationships... for the most of us (me being #1), confrontation is very difficult. Therefore, for where I'm at... it is a problem. I'm not quick to jump in and say something I may regret... that's why I'm asking for advise, and opinions.

Ber Rabbit · Dec 16, 2008, 12:23 PM

Some people just don't get along with certain other people. Has your sister abused your son? If not just let it go. You are getting ready to shun your sister for not behaving toward your son the way you think she should. You can't force someone to like your children equally, everyone has a different personality. It sounds like your son is an adult, if anyone should address your sister it's him. If he doesn't want to then it isn't bothering him.
Ber

jjwoodhull · Dec 16, 2008, 12:28 PM

You son is a grown man, making it an issue between the two of them. Maybe he already knows why she doesn't like him. Maybe she is lying to spare your feelings.

ZoeMarie · Dec 16, 2008, 01:02 PM

While I agree that if your son is an adult he should deal with this situation, if you had said something when it first became an issue, you could have cleared things up for him and he might not be in this situation now. Also, he's your son and he's now a father. I don't know what the circumstances are between the two of you, but I would hope you'd rather spend the holidays with your grandchild. When your sister asks if the rest of you are coming tell her no, because your son wasn't invited and you'd like to spend the holidays with him. Stick up for your son.

martina59 · Dec 20, 2008, 07:33 AM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

while I agree that if your son is an adult he should deal with this situation, if you had said something when it first became an issue, you could have cleared things up for him and he might not be in this situation now. also, he's your son and he's now a father. I don't know what the circumstances are between the two of you, but I would hope you'd rather spend the holidays with your grandchild. when your sister asks if the rest of you are coming tell her no, because your son wasn't invited and you'd like to spend the holidays with him. stick up for your son.

Golly, I wish I had heard your answer months ago... that's brilliant! Now I just hope she gives me a chance to tell her why we're not going "Because Josh wasn't invited, and we want to spend the holidays with him, his wife, and our new grandaughter"!

Thank you so much for your wisdom!!

N0help4u · Dec 21, 2008, 08:40 AM

I agree stick up for your son and say you will be spending holidays with him. He shouldn't have to feel left out or slighted because of your sister.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 21, 2008, 09:09 AM

Yes, be open and honest with your sister, there may be well something from the past you don't know that both sides are not telling you that caused this, but it does not matter, tell sister exactly how you feel, and let it be her problem, if he does not get invited and you are upset by this, just don't go to the party.