[LadieDragon]

I am having a hard time with my son he is 12 years old and he is into a lot of trouble all the time. At school he is a bully and pushed the school to the point of sending him to the courts as an unruly kid if there is one more incident! I know he needs help and I want to get him help but I am on medicaid and un-able to work due to health problems. He lies and steals and does a lot of things for what I would say is shock value! I love my son Very much but I am at my wits end with all of his bad behavior! I am beginning to believe that since I can not afford to send him somewhere to get help that I have no options! I don't want the state to deal with him but what else can I do? I need to find a program that will be covered by medicaid or I am afraid that he will just keep on getting worse and the time for help will be long gone cause the state will have been brought in! I try talking to him and explaining what is going to happen and he tells me what he thinks I want to hear and then in less then 5 minutes later he is right back pulling the same stuff and his excuse is he didn't hear me say that? I just don't know what to do and it is killing me!! I feel as if he really does not care if he gets sent off or not, and if he did what good would that do him but make it worse? PLEASE PLEASE SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME FIND THE HELP MY SON NEEDS!!

[Stormy69]

Have you had your son seen by a family physician? First I would rule out any medical issues, including testing for add/adhd and perhaps a psychological evaluation. You both need family counseling. He to learn how to channel his negative energy, and you to learn how to better deal with his negative energy.
There are many free or reduced cost resources available. You need to go to your local family service office and have them point you in the right direction.
Good luck to you, There is no harder task on earth than parenting.
Please keep us posted.

[wizzkid89]

First off Stormy is right, both of you could really use to see someone. I really think that there is a cost efficient help in your area, and if you can't find any I'm sure we would help if your willing to relinquish your where abouts. Anyway, as with your son, I hear that you have a medical problem. Just on a hunch I think subconsciously your son yearns for attention. I know that might be a little shocking to you, because most parents think they do give their kids enough attention, but it's not necessarily just attention but the right kind of attention. I think your son is acting out negatively as way for people and you to notice him. I would recommend talking to him not about him being bad, but how things in his life are going. How life is treating him. I know you give him attention, I believe you do, but I somehow believe that the majority of attention you give him might be just for the negatives he has done. Now I am not trying to make anyone sound bad, so excuse me if I am being harsh, but I believe that you are a good parent and its clearly evident because you care enough to ask total strangers. Like I said before I would think it wise to talk to him about life and how things are going not what's going wrong. Also, really evalutate yourself on what you talk to him about, I know you have a medical condition and if you can't just repost and I will reshape my answer. Anyway, I truly believe that you can talk this out between the two of you. It will be a long road, but at the end if things go right you will be that much closer. Like I said your son might feel neglected and even if he says he doesn't you have to read his nonverbal signs, he probably won't own up to it, but you are his mom and you will know and that should tip you off on where to go next. I would recommend maybe putting him into some extracurricular activities escpecially sports. I think that it would give him a good nucleus of friends and coaches/mentors to look up to, as you haven't mentioned a father and that might be another reason he is acting aggresively. A lack of both parents is extremely hard on everyone, but more for the child and that is another concern to take into effect when dealing with your son. But back to what I was saying, sports could be an outlet for all this extra enegry he is using negatively. It also could give you some common ground for you to strike up conversations with. Anyway these are the recommendations I have for now, if I have perceived something wrong or wrongfully assumed something just tell me and I would really like to help you, we all would.

[talaniman]

Speaking of fathers where is his?

[Fr_Chuck]

I will agree that you need to look deeply into all of the possible medical issues. But social problems are often done because they have had bad role models are have accepted values that are not socially acceptable.

At times if you will talk also with the juvenile officer in your area, they can allow you to commit him to a boot camp, where he would be released back to you after he completed it. Many have had a lot of success in teaching the child respect for thierself and others.

And what type of punishment does he get at home for his breaking the rules ?

[WaitingMother22]

He definitely needs help but sending him away would make him feel as if your totally giving up on him do spend enough time with him and was he ever picked on when he was younger and yes he needs medication or either he is addicted to violence when kids get to the point there just giving up that is a sign I NEED HELP but he is not going to come right and say of course not he's rebelling at this point. Speak to your local police department about scaring him left him see what it really is living the life as a criminal believe me once he gets in that cell he'll beg you to act right HOW I KNOW I DID!. Your Friend
Arielle

[darlene1]

I have been and am still in a situation close to yours but my son is 16 now. Have you called a counselor to get him help? Its usually covered under medicaid and tn care and other forms of insurance. Believe me you want to do this now before he gets older.
Just to give you an idea... I am a single mother who does it all I work go to school, take care of the house bills everything. I have no help at all. I am on this site looking for someone who is having the same problem so I could maybe help them while they are helping me supporting most people I know have no idea what it feels like to be in the situation with a child you love so much and you want the best for them but they are not helping
So..
If I was you I don't know what state you are in but most have a mental health clinic that deals with behavior problems.. and always be consistent with punishments I myself give in too easy I'm not as bad now but I use to be because I felt guilty for being the only person he could count on.. but just remember if you don't get it under control now.. it only gets worse.. my son spent the night in juvenile detention.. that's another story I would be glad to share with you if you want
Anyway good luck

[gaia213]

There are two things I must say I am definitely agreeing with Wizzkid that's the first thing


But the other I've got to know and believe me I am twelve years old I just am lets say my mind is a bit forward



Life can be harsh and make changes but there is one thing that is very important in this matter



Tell me with what care have you trated your son have you always let him have what he wants to satisfy him have you let him do everything have you learned him to have so said good manners?


This is a priority because yes children should not be put too much strain on but they need to get to know what they can and what they can't


Personaly I've got another part of my family there is a boy there quite a lot like me(exept he hasn't experienced anything at all that I have)


I see the diffence his mother lets him do everything he wants she never tells that's enough or learns him good manners or what to do


Yes a parent should be nice and good but a real good parent unfortunately must also know when to shout at your child I mean my cousin I can give a exemplar he said wait a sec.


And that "sec" turned out to be 8 hours


So do also be sure to be strict enough to your child,yes I am new to this site but I know such things after all I am a twelve year old child

[xxluvmexxhatemexx]

I am 12 and I am also in bad moods you see what I do is go to orphanages and let him see what he could have turned into without you being there for him

[olga santigo]

I have a problem with my 12 yr old son he hates me and he doesn't respect me what bootcamp can I send him to

[Lexilulu]

I was like that, well sort of... It was mainly because of the people I hung out with... My mother put me in a Christain School, and I acted Much better because I was around nice people... And my cousin was the Same, his parents sent him to a Boarding school... He was NO better... They kept sending him to different places, and each time he got madder... Now he is 21 and in jail... So boarding school/Bootcamp isn't ALWAYS the best alternative... Introduce them to Christianity, and people who have happy attatudes, Church is always helpful... I am homeschooled and go to a homeschool association every tues. The people there are nice and happy, My mom homeschooled me because, again, I was acting up... But now I am happy because of the happy people that surround me... Idk if this helped or not:)

[Lexilulu]

Mount Bachelor is the place that they sent him 1st... Sry, I just remembered that!