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starbuck8 · Dec 12, 2008, 02:50 PM

What a wonderful man you are! Saving this poor woman from a loveless, sexless marriage! Then after two months, you get into an argument that you can't even remember what is was about, and she goes cold! She wanted a boy toy, you wanted a cougar. As soon as problems came up, she wasn't having fun anymore. She probably has to deal with problems at home too! Poor girl! God forbid a marriage would have any problems! It's suppose to be a bed of roses isn't it? When it isn't, well then it's time to go find someone else on the side for some "fun!"

She should be ashamed of herself... you should be ashamed of yourself... and you both need to get your morals in check. How long do you think it would be before she cheated on you? My crystal ball says, the first chance she got!

oldenoughtoknow · Dec 12, 2008, 04:37 PM

I don't see it as me saving her, and I don't like her because of her age. She was unhappy and so was I, this isn't just a sex thing. We bring a bit of happiness to each other.

starbuck8 · Dec 12, 2008, 08:31 PM

Well isn't it nice that both of you can have a little of happiness. I wonder how happy that makes her husband? I bet she has children too doesn't she? I bet they would be proud of Mommy! After all, it is about her happiness isn't it? And you are happy to help out! SHE IS A MARRIED WOMAN! Plain and simple! It's too bad that you don't understand that, and you are willing to help her break her vows for you own personal selfish reasons. I don't care how you look at it. It's WRONG! But you seem to be quite proud to be involved in ruining other peoples lives!

To answer your original question. "Is it doomed to fail" Without a doubt in my mind the answer is YES!!

oldenoughtoknow · Dec 23, 2008, 02:28 PM

Just an update, I finished with her today, although there were tears and she begged me not to leave, I stook by my guns and I've learnt my lesson. As I read your replies I knew you guys were right, I just didn't want to accept it, I tried convincing myself that it was OK but ultimately I knew deep down. I deleted her number and cut all ties with her. Time for NC.

southerngalps · Dec 23, 2008, 02:30 PM

Very smart move. You will be proud of yourself and thankful that you did this.

Best wishes and happy holidays. :)

oldenoughtoknow · Dec 23, 2008, 02:34 PM

I feel terrible right now, but that's my own fault.

southerngalps · Dec 23, 2008, 02:37 PM

You are doing the right thing. Morally!

You shouldn't feel bad. You should feel good that you are thinking about other people besides yourself.

kctiger · Dec 23, 2008, 02:39 PM

Hats off to you sir! You feel bad now, but in time you will realize this was the best decision for everyone involved.

liz28 · Dec 23, 2008, 03:52 PM

I just read your post today and I am happy about the decision you made.

Stick to NC, no matter how many times she calls, texts, e-mails, etc.

The emotions that your feelings is normal and you have to take it day by day but no matter what, don't give in.

sully123 · Dec 23, 2008, 04:25 PM

Why would you want to be a home wrecker? How would you feel if your wife and you were married did that to you... It's not going to work.. so forget it.

southerngalps · Dec 23, 2008, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by sully123

Why would you want to be a home wrecker? How would you feel if your wife and you were married did that to you.... It's not going to work.. so forget it.

That is exactly what he is saying. He broke it off with her.

sully123 · Dec 23, 2008, 04:41 PM

Yes, southerngalps, but he is still questioning it.. That to me, tells me he isn't through with it..

southerngalps · Dec 23, 2008, 04:42 PM

Well, yes. I'm sure anyone stupid enough to be with a married person will question breaking it off.

At least he is on the right track :)

oldenoughtoknow · Dec 23, 2008, 04:44 PM

No, I know I made a mistake and won't go back there, its just hard is all.

sully123 · Dec 23, 2008, 04:47 PM

Keep yourself busy, get involved with new things, as hard as it sounds. Meet new people.. and stay away from married ones.. they rarely leave their husbands...

wolfgangqpublic · Dec 23, 2008, 07:46 PM

Originally Posted by sully123

Keep yourself busy, get involved with new things, as hard as it sounds. Meet new people.. and stay away from married ones.. they rarely leave their husbands...

And even if they do - they'll leave you too one day.

People tell you and show you who they are.

MasterFramer · Dec 23, 2008, 07:50 PM

Run!

Hamselv007 · Dec 23, 2008, 09:34 PM

Hello

If you're a prick then I say go right ahead and continue trying to get things to work.

If not there's two things you should consider:

A: She's married. How would you feel if your companion was unfaithful to you?
B: Once a cheater always a cheater. You do not engage with women/guys that have a tendency to be unfaithful.

cbsf · Dec 23, 2008, 09:58 PM

Speaking from my own experience, my first girlfriend was married when we started dating. I was still in college; she had dropped out. She separated and divorced him and we were together for a while, but she went through serious depression and got a lot of flak from her family. She broke up with me when I started grad school, eventually marrying the guy she dumped me for (and this too later collapsed).

It was a rocky relationship and I carry regrets about the circumstances to this day, although she and I are still good friends.

oldenoughtoknow · Jan 21, 2009, 05:08 PM

I know its been a while but an here's an update.

This was my original post

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post1422305

Sorry for the long post.

I tried no contact but after a week of constant texts begging me to talk to her I broke no contact, she said if she couldn't have a relationship could we at least be friends.

I tried to explain how hard that would be to me but I could see she needed me so tried to keep my texts friendly but short and never encourage her.

I tried to get her to sort out her relationship and start looking after herself and to give up drinking. So after a few weeks of on-off again I knew I had to finish it for good and realised me actually talking to her was stopping us both from moving on and getting over each other. I told her as much and she said she was getting away for the weekend to clear her head. I turned my mobile off and tried to get my own head in order too. I turned on my phone after a couple of days and it was full of texts from her. She asked for closure as to why I finished. She wanted to know why ended it so I tell her I wanted her so bad but couldn't have her and it hurts and its best if we don't do the friends thing just go no contact. I hear nothing for a couple of hours and get a text saying she has finished with her bloke and we can be together if I want her. Talk about a complete surprise, a week before and throughout the 'relationship' she had told me she would never leave him.

I asked her to come round to talk about it face to face. She turns up completely drunk and crying wanting to know why I had made her leave him and then not want her. So I asked her what was said and why she had done it. To which she replied does it matter? I asked her why had she left him now and not earlier to which she replied ' I didn't want you then, I was happy for things to carry on as they were but after realising I would lose you for good and this is the only way we could be together I left him'

I love her so much but I don't know where I stand with her, she cries constantly and says she can't live without me. I'm so confused all these months she said she didn't want me and now today after always saying she doesn't want children she mentions wanting to have kids with me , I don't even know if she was joking. My heart says go for it but my head says hang on a minute. What a mess, I know I got myself into this mess and people won't agree with it morally I would still like to hear your input