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neverme · Dec 10, 2008, 06:13 PM

Hello,

Myself and my ex broke up a couple of months back, by my doing. She was very hurt and we went through the angry stage, tried again and it didn't work out. But we are now trying to be friends and that's working out OK, although I worry she might still keep hope for the relationship. I am, by the way, in no means detached from this relationship. It just wasn't working so I had to do something

My ex's birthday is on the 18th and I'm big on making people feel like the most important person in the world on their birthday, probably has something to do with being a twin! So this year it's hard not to make it great for her's. She has a troubles with her family and stuff, and her best friend recently had a baby so he's on a different planet at the moment -understandably!-.

Debating whether I'll just go for it and bring her a cake in the morning or something or just leave it because it might send mixed messages.

What do you guys think?

Scleros · Dec 10, 2008, 08:07 PM

If you have done it before and the friends thing is halfway working, e.g. you're seeing each other and talking regularly, I say go for it. How do you think she'd feel remembering what you did last year and the day passed without a peep out of you?

PS If it blows up in your face, show her this post. She can leave me a scathing comment and a reddie. :rolleyes:

Justwantfair · Dec 10, 2008, 08:13 PM

I think that if you know she is still holding onto a hope that this relationship will work out, you are sending mixed messages.

Do something small and nice, a friendly thing to do. Do not go overboard as you might if she was your girlfriend. She is still looking for reasons this relationship will mend.

neverme · Dec 10, 2008, 08:16 PM

Thanks guys, what kind of things are small and nice?
Like I say I'm really into birthdays..

Justwantfair · Dec 10, 2008, 08:21 PM

Just get her a small present, if you know about something she has been eyeing, not too personal. A card. Try and keep a line between that is what I would do for my best guy friend and that is what I would do for my girlfriend. Nothing too personal or romantic. Nothing that confuses the situation more.

neverme · Dec 10, 2008, 08:22 PM

I was thinking about a card and little cake? Not too personal..

talaniman · Dec 11, 2008, 12:11 AM

You may be big on birthdays, but how do you think someone you dumped would feel about it?

From just the people who have posted here, it cause a lot of problems, confusion, and gives false hope to the broken hearted.

Are you friends, or have you been in contact, I mean where is your ex, in the recovery process?

neverme · Dec 14, 2008, 01:55 PM

Thanks for your answer talinman,

This is exactly why I asked the question. She is seeing someone else at the moment, a girl much younger than herself which seems to be an 'any port in the storm' situation.

Most importantly, I don't want to mess with her head.

Secondly, I don't want to encroach on her new relationship.

I want her to be happy, since that won't be with me, let that be with someone else. (although I really don't think that this relationship is good for her, it is no longer my business.)

Having said that we are talking and are trying to be friends but she has expressed that she still has some hope left in our relationship. She is my best friend and we have been through a lot together so I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to put a smile on my best friend's face on her birthday but I don't want to give my ex hope in our relationship.

I am going to give her something but the question is, what's right?

Please let me know what you think.