He can't climax!

Kadehadaire · Jul 6, 2006, 10:38 AM

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about a month now. He was my first, but he has been with other women (2) in the past.

With each of them, he was unable to climax during sex, and it is the same with me. He can maintain an erection for goodness knows how long, which is, you know, great for me! But the fact that he can't seem to finish (except from masturbation) is starting to bother me.

When masterbating, it takes him ages to climax, but at least he manages.

The fact that he has NEVER climaxed during sex leads me to believe it could be anogasmia. If this is the case, how can it be helped?

Its getting ridiculous!

Here_To_Help- Jon · Jul 6, 2006, 12:15 PM

How old is he? Is he on any medication? If so, which ones?

Kadehadaire · Jul 6, 2006, 12:18 PM

That's the thing, he is only 23 and in perfect health. No medication.

He says that the extra thin condoms help, and that the one time that he didn't use protection with a previous girlfriend, he came closer, but was forced to stop because she wasn't using birth control.

:(

Here_To_Help- Jon · Jul 6, 2006, 12:29 PM

Sounds like Dr. time - hard to tell if it is physical or mental. I don't know enough about the condition you mention (except that is sounds like a bad way to be). Suggest Dr. and suggest you continue to be gentle and patient with him - as Im sure you have been. This is tough stuff for a man (or a woman)...

Kadehadaire · Jul 6, 2006, 12:31 PM

You think he'll feel better if I suggest we go see a Doctor together?

J_9 · Jul 6, 2006, 12:37 PM

It is possible, but remember that this is a sensitive subject for him. He may feel more comfortable if you wait in the waiting room rather than go in to the exam room with him.

I do believe also that it is time to get into the doctor.

Kadehadaire · Jul 6, 2006, 12:39 PM

Yes I think you're right, thank you so much. :)

Chery · Jul 7, 2006, 09:53 AM

1. You were not there when he was with the other girls...

2. You're not with him 24 hours, so you don't know if he is taking medication or not.

3. It could be anorgasmia... you can find out more about this either on the internet or talking to a doctor yourself.

4. Don't forget that a lot of men 'state' that they don't feel as much with a condom.. but please remember the risks involved.

So, even if he cannot ejaculate while using a condom or with you, let him see a doctor and get the issue solved. Give him support, but also be prepared for eventual underlying psychological reasons behind his problem.

Good luck,

Kadehadaire · Jul 11, 2006, 04:34 AM

Thanks a lot Chery, he asked me to with him to see the Docor. He's not willing to risk unprotected sex, and niehter am I. I am hoping everything will be OK, and if its not, we'll work through it together. Thanks so much for all your advice guys! X

Chery · Jul 11, 2006, 04:46 AM

So glad that you are communicating and both willing to work this out together.
Sincerely wish you all the best, and keep us posted.

Kadehadaire · Jul 14, 2006, 04:21 AM

Hi guys, thought I'd give you an update. My boyfriend keeps wiggling out of seeing the Doctor, with excuses like he's busy or he forgot. I just told him not to be nervous. He said He wasn't, to which I replied that it was fine. He could then wait to sleep with me until after he'd seen the Doctor. After all, it's in his best interests, not mine.

He'll have to just go without until he gets himself sorted!

Chery · Jul 14, 2006, 05:06 AM

Some guys can really wear our patience down, can't they?

Stick to your guns, girl, and don't give in. If he's really serious about you he will eventually do what's right.

If not, then he's not worth your time or patience - sex is not the only thing in a relationship.

Good luck dear,

Don't bring up the subject, just ignore his advances until he comes to his senses.

leethomas · Jul 17, 2006, 09:37 PM

It obvious... he's gay.

Kadehadaire · Jul 18, 2006, 03:48 AM

Originally Posted by Chery

Some guys can really wear our patience down, can't they?

Stick to your guns, girl, and don't give in. If he's really serious about you he will eventually do what's right.

If not, then he's not worth your time or patience - sex is not the only thing in a relationship.

Good luck dear,

Don't bring up the subject, just ignore his advances until he comes to his senses.

You are so right, thanks Chery. I will. :)

Originally Posted by leethomas

It obvious... hes gay.

LOL! Well he does have a thing for Johnny Depp, but doesn't everyone?? (kidding!) :D

leethomas · Jul 18, 2006, 01:59 PM

I'm just kidding... anyway try being a little aggressive or do some foreplay/role playing or whatever your into. Maybe watch one of those dirty movies. It's hard for me to say because I don't know what kind of stuff you are already doing but for me there are certain things that always get me going. My ex ex had some moves that would... well you know where this is going. HA -good luck

Just dress up like jonny depp - ha

Kadehadaire · Jul 19, 2006, 01:24 AM

Originally Posted by leethomas

I'm just kidding.... anyways try being a little aggressive or do some foreplay/role playing or whatever your into. Maybe watch one of those dirty movies. It's hard for me to say because i don't know what kind of stuff you are already doing but for me there are certain things that always get me going. My ex ex had some moves that would.... well you know where this is going. HA -good luck

just dress up like jonny depp - ha

:p Maybe I'll try it!

Wildcat21 · Jul 28, 2006, 10:53 AM

This was pretty simple - let him finish himself off... no big deal. Tell him your satisfied... tehn he can work on himself while you watch.

kp2171 · Jul 28, 2006, 12:03 PM

Mental blocks can also make it tough.

It's a bad, bad cycle when you want to reach orgasm but don't... try again, and don't... pretty soon you are absolutely more focused on the failure than enjoying the sensations. The more your mind is out of it, the harder it is.

And I'm not implying he's not interested. I'm saying he needs to be able to relax and lose himself in the moment.

One thing you might try is to see if you can get him to focus solely on himself, not try to please you. There are times when I could reach that point quickly, but hold back to get my partner there... well, sometimes by the time she's there it's a lot harder for me to get back to that place.

I'm going to PM you a few suggestions about physically some things you can try. I don't mind posting some graphic information here, but sometimes I think its better PM'd.

Kadehadaire · Jul 29, 2006, 02:45 AM

Thanks for all of your suggestions, I will give them all a go! And I'll keep you posted. X

cheerios · Aug 4, 2006, 08:16 AM

Again this could simply be something that passes. I am a 19 year old male and had this happen to me. The first partner I had I was very worried about pleasing the other person during sex that I would not beable to go due to my mind being on other things. Then it rolled on from there.

If this is the case it can be corrected. Just slap him and tell him to focus.