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Synnen · Dec 9, 2008, 10:19 AM

Having been a one-time cheater myself, I have to disagree with you completely.

I cheated ONCE. Not repeated.

Betcha there are hundreds more out there like me, but you never hear about it because when it happens ONCE, it generally stays between the people involved.

satswid · Dec 9, 2008, 03:43 PM

You wrote this question indicates that
"you loved him a lot".
And that's the answer for your question.

chrissymarie · Dec 10, 2008, 09:54 AM

I think the relationship between you and him was over a long time ago. When he first cheated on you and made you feel the way you do you should have left him. No real man who loves you would disrespect you like that. Although I don't know why or how he cheated on you I do know that there no excuse for his actions. No matter what they are. Your just asking for more and more trouble staying in this relationship.

If you truly thought yourself to be a beautiful great catch you would have left him already and found someone who deserves you.

I don't think you have the self confidence to be without him, single and starting all over again. You need to find it and move on before its too late and you 20 yrs down the road and you've given your life to someone you don't love.

You may only get one life to live and it's up to you to find true happiness.

As for theses chats he's doing with other women on the phone. Honey that's called cheating on you. Although he may not physically be with another woman his mind is. He's lying to you as well if he acts another way around other people. He's not showing you his true self. Sounds to me like your involved with a monster. Two desperate lonely people holding onto each other. QUIT IT OUT! You know you deserve happiness.

lickalove · Dec 10, 2008, 06:54 PM

I have told him that I was able and willing to be everything he needs. I love to please my man in any way I can!! I carry myself in a very respectful way. But I also know how to please in the bedroom. I am not shy by a long shot. He has told me he can't look at me in that way. And does not want to I am his good girl his saint that can't do anything wrong. That is why he would will marry me. Cause I am the woman he sees himself with. And could not bare the thought of me giving what I give to another... I know he is just a selfish BASTARD!!! Who wants his cake and eat it to I give 100% all the time. I have just been doing it for the wrong person. Love is blind but it has cause me to be stupid but thank goodness I am smart now!! Thanks sooooo much for the input I truly appreicate it so much...... I am not going to except his marriage proposal

asking · Dec 10, 2008, 07:08 PM

Originally Posted by tickle

Hi, Synnen, this may not be your opinion, but I think cheaters are predisposed to cheating. I think its in their personality and are not of a monogamous nature to start with.

I think some people are habitual cheaters, often because they are insecure or like the thrill of sneaking around, or even sticking it to their partner.

Other people cheat because they are lonely in a relationship because both parties are not communicating. It might be because their relationship skills are bad and they don't know they need to be working on the relationship. Or the partner is unavailable or unwilling to work on the relationship. Or maybe one person is depressed for many years and unable to be a good partner and neither side gets help. There are so many things that can go wrong. I don't think such people will necessarily ever cheat again if they make a commitment not to, whether to each other or to themselves.

Redemption is real.

Kickprivate · Dec 10, 2008, 07:16 PM

Originally Posted by lickalove

I have told him that I was able and willing to be everything he needs. I love to please my man in any way I can!! I carry myself in a very respectful way. But I also know how to please in the bedroom. I am not shy by a long shot. He has told me he can't look at me in that way. And does not want to I am his good girl his saint that can't do anything wrong. That is why he would will marry me. Cause I am the woman he sees himself with. And could not bare the thought of me giving what I give to another... I know he is just a selfish BASTARD!!! Who wants his cake and eat it to I give 100% all the time. I have just been doing it for the wrong person. Love is blind but it has cause me to be stupid but thank goodness I am smart now!! Thanks sooooo much for the input I truly appreicate it so much...... I am not going to except his marriage proposal

I know what you mean, and it's great that you are getting out asap. Maybe this way you will walk away with a couple less scars then what would have been. Keep the faith girl.

As I good hearted hard working Christian man I can understand the stuggle to find a good woman or in your case a man. It is not easy to find the people that are completely committed but when you do, it's a love to last a life time and this is where I keep my hope and faith and lick; I hope you do to. Don't let this bring you to far down, but walk away with your head high knowing that you learned a great lesson and that you will one day find a partner that truly loves you.

If you need anything, feel free to PM me or you can post on here again and I am sure everyone and anyone will be more then pleased to help if they can.

Brandon

lickalove · Dec 10, 2008, 07:26 PM

As of now he is in the I am so sorry for everythign mode!! I have heard all of this before. I will remain strong and stick to my guns. I am a strong lover and I need and desreve the same in return... I am what you call and endless optimist. But he has caused a few clouds to roll in. But I am strong and will not be defeated by this. You live love and learn I will not change any thing about myself. Due to the fact I did my part I remained faithful loyal and supportive. I am everything a GOOD MAN wants in his life. So I walk away with my head held high. I did my part I remained true to who I am.

Kickprivate · Dec 10, 2008, 07:28 PM

Originally Posted by lickalove

As of now he is in the I am so sorry for everythign mode!! I have heard all of this before. I will remain strong and stick to my guns. I am a strong lover and I need and desreve the same in return... I am what you call and endless optimist. But he has caused a few clouds to roll in. But I am strong and will not be defeated by this. You live love and learn I will not change any thing about myself. Due to the fact I did my part I remained faithful loyal and supportive. I am everything a GOOD MAN wants in his life. So I walk away with my head held high. I did my part I remained true to who I am.

Get it done! Woohoo! Lol

Starbucks21 · Dec 10, 2008, 08:11 PM

1 Some men aren't programed that way at all and you can't change that

To the men could be bored in the bedroom... (doing the same thing over and over the same way does it a little tiring) Try to try something different.. handcuffs maybe? Roleplay? Strip poker or some other game?

3 he's just a idoit and yea...

4 he's a womanizing jerk who's the low life of the earth

Lovelee · Dec 17, 2008, 07:24 PM

I also am living proof that once a cheater not always a cheater. Years ago I had a boyfriend who cheated on me often then denied it left and right, he even hit on my best friend at the time! I tried to end it but he kept begging me to stay so I cheated on him! When he found out of course he was devastated but at that point I didn't care because my feelings for him were gone.
It is not in my nature to cheat but circumstances pushed me into it. I have had several relationships after that and didn't cheat on any of them. Only that one time... so once a cheater doesn't mean always a cheater. However there are some people who can't help it and are serial cheaters but not everyone who cheat will cheat again.

smoothy · Dec 18, 2008, 10:19 AM

Why do some guys get bored... sometimes its because of the woman... sometimes it's the guys own fault for not getting creative.

I've known some painfully boring women in bed. Some said nothing is going in MY mouth... some said nothing is going in MY butt... some said both...

What is common between them is they thought their cootchie was special and no man should ever tire of it, and its all any man should ever want or need. And that all they had to do was lay on their back and spread their legs.

Fact is if you do the same thing the same way long enough it gets boring... and when it gets boring interest will drift.

There is no excuse for not keeping things interesting for well beyond 20 years or more. But both people have to have an interest in keeping things interesting by trying new things and keeping an open mind.

I've done it for 17 years and there is no reason others can't as well.

asking · Dec 18, 2008, 12:18 PM

Many men are exquisitely boring, in bed and elsewhere. I've known men who would not even turn around in the bed.

blackshield · Dec 18, 2008, 12:52 PM

What about women that do put it in their mouth and/ or their butt, and then their boyfriend still cheats?

lovebug56 · Dec 18, 2008, 01:06 PM

I don't understand either to why men cheat on their significant others.. Iv'e been in a relationshipe for almost two years with the same one.. he dumped me last year at this time for some girl on the internet.. stayed with her for about 6 weeks. Came crawling back to the place that I was @ when we first met and was begging my friends to get them to help him get me back. I had decided that if he wanted trash like that , that he was not worthy of me and I had moved on.. He found out that I wasn't going to set around and mope for him . I took him back feb of this year and it has been better then ever... no cheating only concern for me and gets worried if I stay away from him for sometime and comes running.. lol.. he is younger then me.. Guess he finally figured out what he had wasn't just kindling and actually was real firewood.. I don't know what to tell you but to only go with your heart and what it tells you and do not listen to others.. If the guy really loves you he will do just what mine has done and stick with it...

smoothy · Dec 19, 2008, 06:50 AM

Originally Posted by blackshield

What about women that do put it in their mouth and/ or their butt, and then their boyfriend still cheats?

Well in that case you have found one of the real payers... who will do it just because they can... and for no other reason. At some point in their life they will come to terms with what they have lost. And end up alone or with someone far less exciting to be with in the end.

And yes there are women like that as well.

smoothy · Dec 19, 2008, 06:53 AM

Originally Posted by asking

Many men are exquisitely boring, in bed and elsewhere. I've known men who would not even turn around in the bed.

No doubt about that as well based on what previous girlfriends and just some lady friends have confided with me about. Boring can happen on either side... or both.

JudyKayTee · Dec 19, 2008, 09:20 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

What is common between them is they thought their cootchie was special and no man should ever tire of it, and its all any man should ever want or need. And that all they had to do was lay on their back and spread their legs.

And let's say a few words about the men who think their penises should be bronzed and on display somewhere. They think all they have to do is show up and wave it around and women will be so dazzled they'll lose all reason.

I used to love the guys you'd meet in a bar who would suddenly lean over and say, "I have 10 inches." While an ice breaker, certainly, nothing that ever swept me off my feet!

My standard reply was that the 10" must make it difficult for them to walk around like a normal person.

This is not solely a female thing - not at all.

EDIT AND PS - Why is always 10"? Why not 9"? Or 11? Inquiring minds want to know.

asking · Dec 19, 2008, 10:08 AM

smoothy agrees: Completely agree.

So if you agree, smoothy, could you stop dumping exclusively on women all the time about sexual performance? It seems like you are promulgating the stereotype that women are all frigid or boring or uninterested in sex, and men are all sexually healthy, which, if you read this forum regularly, is clearly not the case. I feel that you lack perspective in this area and always see the same thing (an unsatisfactory woman) no matter what the situation.

JudyKayTee · Dec 19, 2008, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by blackshield

What about women that do put it in their mouth and/ or their butt, and then their boyfriend still cheats?

Because it's not always about the sex -

I have done probably a thousand matrimonial surveillances over the years. Maybe more. I have posted before that I continue to be amazed. I can count on one hand the number of times it's been about the sex. Maybe it's the EXCITEMENT of the "forbidden" sex but that's a different thing.

As far as not being sexually satisfied and cheating for that one reason - I almost never hear it.

I've seen men (primarily), married to beautiful, successful, sensual women out there with someone plain, working a dead end job - but listening to him.

Do I think there are serial cheaters? Yes. Do I think "cheat once, cheat always?" No. Would I stay with someone who cheated on me and wasn't remorseful or acted in an irresponsible way - no. If I stayed, would I ever talk about it? No. It would either be over and we would be together OR it would NOT be over and we would NOT be together.

That having been said - every person is different, every relationship is different so I don't think there's one cut in stone answer.

smoothy · Dec 19, 2008, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by asking

So if you agree, smoothy, could you stop dumping exclusively on women all the time about sexual performance? It seems like you are promulgating the stereotype that women are all frigid or boring or uninterested in sex, and men are all sexually healthy, which, if you read this forum regularly, is clearly not the case. I feel that you lack perspective in this area and always see the same thing (an unsatisfactory woman) no matter what the situation.

Well, that I won't do for a couple of reasons... I'll spell them out.

Lack of knowledge is something that can be remidyed with acknowledgement and desire to improve. This applies to both sexes.
Key here is willingness to see the problem and take steps to improve it. Consider this like making the most of an education. Some people have more talent than others... it what you make of it however that counts.

However the case I reffer to mostly is not lack of knowledge... its unwillingness to even approach certain topics by some women... as in oral and anal. That is intentional closed minded unwillingness to resolve an issue. True it's their right to be that way but they also forfit the right to complain about being considered dull and boring. Consider this like dropping out of high school because you don't want to work at it. Refusing to do what it takes is no excuse to avoid blame for a failure that results.

And I have experienced women, and more than a few on both ends of the scale as well as in the middle.

And yes I was with one woman that was so absolutely horrible in bed that I snuck out at 3 am while she was assleep rather than face her in the morning... yeah I could have handled that one better but I was a lot younger then. She was otherwise a nice woman that was enamored with me and I couldn't find the words to tell her.