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hugbear · Dec 6, 2008, 05:12 PM

For the past 8 weeks at least I keep having this negative thought that I don't love my partner. I have been with my partner for 10 years and honestly this thought is crap and it is so far from the truth. I am obsessed by this thought, we had an argument and ever since this thought is there. Has anyone else had this problem and what can I do, it is really getting me down. Honestly I want to be with my partner the rest of my life but I am so annoyed that this thought is always there.

asking · Dec 6, 2008, 05:15 PM

I am guessing that you are angry with your partner. What was the argument about? Do you feel it was resolved?

KBC · Dec 6, 2008, 06:09 PM

To resent something means literally to feel emotions again.

And again

And again.

And again.

Believe it or not – there is something seductive about this repetitiveness. It can be done quite effortlessly, it's familiar. Nothing new needs to be learned, no new perspective needs to be considered.

It's also a massive waste of time.

This I copies from a web site on resentments.

If this is something you think you feel,I can either look for more like this or I can come back and help you address this issue with you.

Hope this helped,

KBC

Choux · Dec 7, 2008, 08:05 PM

It sounds like you got shook by the argument or that the partner was correct about something and you were wrong. That has upset your view of yourself and you can't deal with being wrong or deal with your partner's anger. So, you want to punish your partner by not loving him/her. Except you're too afraid to voice this to the partner.

Relax... no one is perfect, not even close... no situation is perfect, only in our dreams. :)

hugbear · Dec 8, 2008, 12:10 AM

Originally Posted by asking

I am guessing that you are angry with your partner. What was the argument about? Do you feel it was resolved?

I use to drink too much and have not drank for 12 months, my partner said that I am not to drink that night and I resented him for that. The fact is that I am glad he said that as I never really want to drink again.

hugbear · Dec 8, 2008, 12:11 AM

Originally Posted by KBC

To resent something means literally to feel emotions again.

and again

and again.

and again.

believe it or not – there is something seductive about this repetitiveness. it can be done quite effortlessly, it’s familiar. Nothing new needs to be learned, no new perspective needs to be considered.

It’s also a massive waste of time.

This I copies from a web site on resentments.

If this is something you think you feel,I can either look for more like this or I can come back and help you address this issue with you.

Hope this helped,

KBC

I am not coping with this thought at all

KBC · Dec 8, 2008, 12:15 AM

Originally Posted by hugbear

I am not coping with this thought at all

Please explain not coping with this thought.

hugbear · Dec 8, 2008, 01:24 AM

Originally Posted by KBC

Please explain not coping with this thought.

Well I started a new job today and can't even concentrate as this thought it going in my head all the time. I really want it to end

asking · Dec 8, 2008, 08:25 AM

Congratulations, by the way! That's wonderful. Of course being sober presents it's own challenges, I've heard, as you have to cope with old problems in new ways. Do you have support for your sobriety?

So it was not the substance of what your partner said that bothered you, since you don't want to drink again. Was it the way your partner said it? Did you feel that he was talking down to you? What about him seemed less lovable than before?

KBC · Dec 8, 2008, 09:06 AM

Originally Posted by hugbear

Well I started a new job today and can't even concentrate as this thought it going in my head all the time. I really want it to end

This site has a great page on obsessive thinking.

Maybe it will help you identify the activity your going through today.

Obsession / Obsessive Thinking Part 1

Read it and let us know what you think.:)

KBC

jubags · Jan 5, 2009, 07:06 AM

Originally Posted by hugbear

For the past 8 weeks at least I keep having this negative thought that I dont love my partner. I have been with my partner for 10 years and honestly this thought is crap and it is so far from the truth. I am obsessed by this thought, we had an argument and ever since this thought is there. Has anyone else had this problem and what can I do, it is really getting me down. Honestly I want to be with my partner the rest of my life but I am so annoyed that this thought is always there.

Hi. You're not the only one. I too have these thoughts, and like you, when I'm OK, I know these thoughts aren't true! If you want to send me a private message to discuss further that would be fine. I've never found anyone else before who has this same problem. Take care.