[Kuromi123]

Hi everyone... I'm really sad right now... and I really don't want to talk about this with my friends because they don't seem to understand me.

OK here we go..

When I was 4 I had an accident... which let my right eye a little bit deformed. I had a cosmetic surgery to make it a little bit better... Before the surgery people (specially kids at school) would pick on me and call me names and it left me really hurt over the years...

People tell me that they can barely tell that I have something in my eye and they tell me I'm beautiful but for me its like the worst.. I feel so ugly, I feel so insecure and sad.

I was in a long relationship for almost 5 years but we recently broke up.. I remember that when I got angry I got out of control.. I would scream and bang my head on the window and call my ex boyfriend names... When He wanted to go out with his friends I would get angry and make a big deal about it... sometimes he ended up staying... Then that's when he started to tell me that if we broke up he would commit suicide and that's when I realized that something was wrong... He started being possessive too and he would yell at me all the time... Then I realized that he lied to me.. he went to parties without even telling me and I don't know the relationship got really unhealthy so I broke up with him.. He now haves another girlfriend and I have a boyfriend too..

He's the sweetest guy ever.. Ive talked to him since I was in high school (now I'm 22) everything was so perfect.. I remember that when we first started dating everything was so perfect.. after 3 months of dating I started getting insecure because his ex girlfriend is really pretty and I felt like monster when I compared myself with her. He doesn't talk to her anymore but I always felt so insecure and negative about it.. I would always think that he's cheating on me for no reason,

.Hes a skater and I know he smoked weed before... and I told him I didn't like it and I would get angry at him for no reason... recently I noticed he smokes weed occasionally and he never told me and I asked him and he admitted that he lied to me because he was scared that I would break up with him...

Now I feel so possessive, I want to know where he is all the time.. I'm not lying but IM CONSTANTLY feeling depressed, and negative about him and what he's doing. I tell him I trust him (but I really don't) This feeling is always with me, and I don't know what's going on, I really love him! I know he lied about smoking weed but its because I'm a , and he was scared of telling me.. Whenever he wants to go out to skate with his friends I start crying and get really clingy... I don't know what's going on with me, whenever I'm not with him I feel depressed and all I do is sleep :( helpppppp me! :(:(:(:(

[8120joy]

Awww, I understand how you feel, really. And this is a difficult situation.

There seems to be several issues with you that aren't resolved.

My advice would be to step back a little from this relationship (not in anyway take a break or whatever) but just so that you can focus on you without thinking about him etc. Even if its just for a few days, let him see his friends or even smoke weed... and you just concentrate or yourself and fixings some of these issues.

Firstly with the ex girlfriend... he broke up with her for a reason and he started dating you for a reason :) Im sure he loves you (he lied because he didn't want to lose you) so anytime you feel insecure about this just tell yourself over and over again that he wants to be with you, not her. He's not even in contact with her which proves this.

Secondly, you seem to have a fear of rejection, probably from the instance when you were younger and teased. It may also be if you don't have good relationships with your parents, and your dad specifically. If there are some issues there you can face them and get over them :) Its hard work doing this, but definitely achievable.

With this situation when you were younger... its in your past and don't let it control you now. Look in the mirror! Learn to love yourself, because your boyfriend clearly finds you lovable. :)

And with this anger and depression and clingyness... I can relate to this a lot, its usually because there underlying problems... for example that fear of rejection... that your boyfriend will go out and find someone better than you. That's just not true!

A good way to help deal with insecurity, is not to act on it (dont ignore it, or sweep it under the carpet) but its YOUR problem, not your boyfriends... so try not to take it out on him. Next time he goes out give him a kiss and say goodbye and BE CALM, if you're feeling insecure go and cry (if you're like me) and then do whatever to deal with this... for me I wrote down how I was feeling, and just tell yourself positive things, even if you don't feel like it at all! Im afraid its one of the most difficult things Ive ever had to do in my life and for many other people also.

Other than all this, it's a really good idea to just spend time with friends, hang out with your family, go shopping, anything! Do fun things without him, as well as with him ;) But keep a good balance and you'll gain more confidence in yourself.

Hope this helps.

[talaniman]

Tell your boyfriend that you have these feelings, and are trying to deal with them, and also set some boundaries of good behavior, for yourself, as nothing destroys a relationship faster than an out of control idiot partner.

If you need some help with coping with your feelings, some counseling either by a professional, or a pastor, can help greatly. Maybe reading a few self help books, can shed some insights on how to deal, with your fears and insecurities. We all have those feelings in different degrees.

You may not be in control of your feelings, but you have to be in control of your actions.