[lazzyboyy313]

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I dated this girl for about 8 months. She was away at college when we started dating, she goes to school about 40 minutes from where I live. The relationship was great, we did everything together and had a loving relationship. When she went back to school after summer things seemed to change. She didn't talk to me as much, she had more work than before and she wanted to socialize more at school because she hadn't really experienced college. After a rocky point in our relationship she told me things weren't working and she wanted a break. When I asked her why she came to this she said she just needed some space and was really confused right now. It's been 5 weeks and we still communicate every day and occasionally hang out. She says she doesn't see us getting back together because of her own personal issues with relationships. I can't let her go and I still love her. She says she still loves me and that's why she wants us to remain friends. What should I do? Should I leave her alone and hope she comes back or keep being her "friend" as I've been trying to do?

[dazed1180]

I am going through a very similar thing right now.. all though me and my girlfriend were together for 7 years.

After 8 months I would suggest that she still be unsure of things and this is away of keeping you at arms length. Giver her some space... believe me it will be difficult but I think by staying in contact you are just putting your life on hold for someone else!

[roogirl]

Yes definitely leave her alone. When somebody asks for space, give it to them. If you don't it will backfire - the more you call, cling and beg, the more the person will want to run in the other direction.

When I read your post I couldn't help but wonder if there is another guy in the picture which might be causing her confusion? Just a hunch is all...

Give her the opportunity to miss you and get a good old dose of what life is REALLY like without you. She asked for space so she needs to feel the full consequences of that request.

Whether she comes back or not who knows. But at least you have done the right thing, and can always keep your dignity firmly intact regardless of the outcome.

I do hope things go your way, keep us posted. Best wishes.

[monkey-mints]

No and yes don`t be here friend and be her friend as in don`t be so close to here if she calls answer if she dosen`t ignore here and if she wants to talk talk but other wize igonore HER!!

[kctiger]

She says she still loves me and that's why she wants us to remain friends. What should I do? Should I leave her alone and hope she comes back or keep being her "friend" as I've been trying to do?

If she still was "In Love" with you then she wouldn't ask for space. Do not be her friend... you don't owe her that. Just back off and give her the space she wants. Nothing you do or say will change how she is feeling. If she comes back, it will be because she wanted to, not because you were her friend. You cannot remain friends with someone who you are in love with. That isn't fair to you. It may all work out in the end, but you don't have any control over that. Your duty is to yourself, and making yourself happy.

[talaniman]

She asked for space, so do as she says, and leave her alone, until you can be friends, without expecting her to come back as your girlfriend. I doubt that happens, so get over her, and get your own life in order.

Don't let false hope make you blind to the fact that, the fun with her is over, and its time to move on.

[turtleneck123]

Make yourself priority. Let her go and if she comes back, its meant to be. She may take the no contact as being mean or whatever, but you need to do it for yourself. If you feel you need to, maybe just mention it to her no more communicating because YOU need to get on with things, friends will only keep giving you false hope at this point. Last I've heard from my ex, she said she wants me to come, things will be how they always have been when I'm there, and she won't be seeing anyone else. Next time she contacts me, I may just tell her, I'm giving you your space and I need to stop the small talk so I can move on. If you have something to say about possibly being together or never again, or your seeing another guy, contact me.

[Empty Cans]

"If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." - Anon

I love this quote... I think it sums up the situation perfectly and is what you have to do if you have any lingering thoughts for your ex. I am struggling with the letting go part, but I know in time I will finally be released from the shackles of this unrequited love.

If its meant to be, it will be. You just have to accept it and focus on yourself.

[lazzyboyy313]

She's told me there isn't another man so I believe and trust her. She said she doesn't want a boyfriend right now and just wants to be free. I'll admit it was probably a bad thing that we tried to spend all of our free time together. I made her my top priority and sort of blew off my friends. Now she's spending her free time by working and hanging with her friends. I believe if there someone else she'd cut off all ties because what purpose would I serve to her if she's got someone else? I'm not initiating any more convos with her but we are going ice skating on Wed so I hope I don't let my emotions get the best of me. Thanks for all the advice and I'll keep adding to this post.

[Empty Cans]

Lazzy... those same words were uttered by my ex. "I don't want a boyfriend right now" "I want to be young and single" "I need some time for myself" etc etc. But... low and behold within a matter of weeks she has started seeing someone else... and they have been together for about 3 weeks now.

And... she doesn't know that I know about this. But I do. Even though we said we would tell each other if we found someone else.

And she is still emailing me and IMing me. Asking how I am, how my family is doing, what my plans are for the weekend...

what purpose would I serve to her if she's got someone else?

She doesn't want me letting go of her, she wants to make sure I am still on her mind... and she also feels guilty that she has met someone else. She wants to let me down gently. Its her way of making HERSELF feel better about the situation.

She wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants to be able to go out and date other guys (which is fine) but she wants to make sure that I am still kept firmly in her mind... which sucks because it means she is able to go out and move on by replacing me... but I am stuck feeding on the scraps of false hope that she is providing me.

She told me she still wants to come to my brothers wedding... why on earth would she think I would want her coming to my brothers wedding when she is already getting intimate with a new guy?

A part me holds on to the fact that she hasn't told me about him yet as it being a good sign... we always said we would tell each other if one of us found something serious... so maybe the fact she isn't telling means that its not serious. To be honest, I just think that she is just waiting for the right moment to drop this "bombshell" on me.

I am not saying that your ex is with another guy... I'm just saying don't rule it out... and don't rule it out happening at any moment. When they say they "don't want a boyfriend" all they mean is that they don't want YOU as a boyfriend... if someone came along who could help them to numb their breakup pain they will jump at the chance.

[talaniman]

But we are going ice skating on Wed so I hope I don't let my emotions get the best of me.

I hope you can too, because your being demoted to friend zone, where there is no escape.

[timtim-awesim]

I think she's trying to politely let you know she is moving on with her life.

[lazzyboyy313]

So what does it mean when she still tries to talk to me to see how I'm doing everyday? She really does seem confused to me. Each week it's a new feeling towards me. Sometimes we can talk like we were still going out and then something happens and she shifts her attention to other things and we barely talk. Comparing our break up to the relationship the only thing that's really changed is she is seeing her friends more on the weekends when she comes home and we don't talk as much during the week when she's at school. Isn't some space necessary in a relationship anyway? Especially at such a young age

[Empty Cans]

It means that she is using you as a means of making herself feel better about the breakup. She is weaning herself off you... and once you have served her purpose you will probably never hear from her again.

I am going through the same thing right now... my ex emails me and asks me how I am, how my weekend was etc. I have only just come to realise what it all means... what she is doing. She is using me to comfort herself emotionally, and making sure that she is still in the forefront of my mind.

I'm no expert on this... in fact I am a novice. I'm sure Tal or some of the others pros can shed some more light on this for you.

From all the posts I have read on here, all I can say is that if she wants a break then it means you are broken up. And if they want space... GIVE IT TO THEM. You shouldn't be talking to her or seeing her at all... let her see what life is actually like without you.

Read the Sticky posts too... there is some very insightful information within those! Those stickies definitely turned on a few light switches in my head.

[talaniman]

Friends zone. She keeps you close, but is free to do whatever she pleases, with no strings attached. This gives her the best of both worlds. You'll get tired of it soon enough.

[turtleneck123]

My ex told me the same thing,"I need time right now for myself and want to be alone" She even has the nerve to tell me that when I'm supposed to be up there staying with her in a couple weeks, she won't be seeing someone else. Ive come to the conclusion that it is just a way of letting you down softly and in her mind, justifying what she has done with you. I am almost certain when a girl breaks it off with a guy in a manner like this, her friends know. My ex told me she is very unhappy, but still needs time. You think her friends don't realize that she's upset/unhappy if she truly is? I wouldn't doubt for a second they encourage her to meet another guy if anything. And meeting another guy will at the very least, temporarily help her ease the break up, and unfortunately probably will lead to her forgetting about you if she starts dating someone and it works. My ex said she would tell me if she was talking to/seeing someone else because I told her I would not come and stay with her if she was, but she only continues to assure me she doesn't want anyone else, only wants me to be where she is, will not be moved on in a couple weeks, and will not be with anyone else. As much as she says things like these, I have almost convinced myself that its going to be almost impossible for us to get back together and a great chance she'll be seeing someone else soon enough. I asked her if she thought we were going to be together again and she replied, "Eventually, but I don't knwo when that will be." An answer like that was one of the last comments we have had since Friday. Haven't talked since, I know her friends are in town staying with her, so she's riding high right now having a great time.
She also keeps saying things will be like they have always been when we are together in a couple weeks, so I guess if she isn't with anyone else, I'll go enjoy myself for the week, no strings attached, concluding the relationship?

[lazzyboyy313]

Any advice on how I go about getting her back. I know I shouldn't want her back because she is treating me like crap but those of you that know what love is can relate I hope. Is there anything I can do to make her think differently and want me back. She says school is the only reason she can't see us getting back together.

[TrueFaith]

any advice on how I go about getting her back. I know I shouldn't want her back because she is treating me like crap but those of you that know what love is can relate I hope. Is there anything I can do to make her think differently and want me back. She says school is the only reason she can't see us getting back together.

What are you talking about you muppet?

Those of us that are in love.. can relate??

What you think just because we are in love we let people treat us like crap? Then get on our hands and knees and beg for the filth to come back!!

You got another thing coming.
You can not change someone's mind kid. You have to learn that at an early age.
If someone treats you like this. You delet them from your life
Its sad. But it's a fact

You have to get some Balls and stand up for yourself!
Have some pride!
And move on.

Trust me I have been there we all have.
We all want want want.

But what we want. Is not always what we need.

Learn from this and move on

[lazzyboyy313]

I just meant it as those of you who know how hard it is to let someone you love go. It's easy to say let her go and leave her alone but it's something completely different to do it. It's up to me to make the decision and I know I'll have to live with the consequences whatever they may be. I'm giving her the space she wants now so I guess time will tell what happens. Sorry if that offended anyone

[talaniman]

We know its not easy dude and we also know it's the hardest thing you may ever do in life, sheeesh!

Just because its hard, doesn't mean its not the right thing to do.

The easy way out, has consequences also.