[Horth]

Kind of new to this web-site so not sure how everything works but I will try:

I dated this girl for well over 4 years. We had a few break-ups but always ended getting back together. Well recently I noticed she started acting different. Everyday I asked her if everything was OK and tried my best to make her feel better but nothing worked. So one day she came out and told me she wasn't happy and wanted a break. After a long conversation we agreed that a break from each other was a good idea. Well a week after the break-up I found out she had been talking to a guy for well over a month. I was furious and lit up her phone. I demanded to know what she had been doing and she just told me I couldn't handle the truth. I went crazy and started calling her every name in the book. She then proceeded to return the favor. Well 3 days later I felt kind of bad for what I said about somebody I had care for so much and texted her telling her I was very sorry for what I said and just wanted her to be happy. (pretty much giving myself a reason to say something to her) She texted me back saying she wants to get a few things off her chest but I haven't heard from her. So I guess I have a few questions.
1) Should I found out what happened or just let everything go?
2) Was it right for me to say the nasty things I did and should I feel bad about them
3) Does anyone have any advice on what activities I can do. Im stuck in college far away from friends and family without knowing anyone or anything to do because I did everything with her.

Any comments will be appreciated

[thadevilsadvocate]

1) Should I found out what happened or just let everything go?

Don't bother. What is done is done, and the fact is that she did you wrong. There are no words in any language that could be as bad as her actions were. Don't contact her and if she wants to contact you, don't answer or respond. Let he melt in her own cheating misery.

2) Was it right for me to say the nasty things I did and should I feel bad about them

It wasn't right, and it certainly didn't earn you any brownie points, but it is understandable because you were upset after finding out such news. Don't worry about it though. It's in the past, and as I said before, she has already done worse. If that were to ever happen again though, you should just kill with kindness and then never speak to her again. Be the bigger person. Her own issues and actions will do enough damage to her.

3) Does anyone have any advice on what activities I can do. Im stuck in college far away from friends and family without knowing anyone or anything to do because I did everything with her.

First of all, learn from this mistake, and never give up your life outside of your relationship, for reasons like this one. As for things to do, check out some place in your area to volunteer. Does your college offer intramural sports? Join book clubs or other types of social organizations or clubs. Check out new areas around your college, and take time to enjoy being alone. Check with your college and see what types of events they have coming up, perhaps trips or other events. Do you have any hobbies? Check out the internet and see what is available in your are as far as your hobbies go. And, you can always come on here and contribute. I think that this is great therapy, as you are able to see others in similar situations to yours.

Keep your head up. She screwed you over and when the lonely moments come about, just remind yourself that what goes around comes around, and if she did it to you, she will probably do it to that guy, and this just goes to show that she has issues, and they will catch up with her. As for you, be happy that it is not your headache anymore. She is ungrateful and unappreciative and you deserve better than that.

[starbuck8]

I know 4 yrs is a long time, and it's always hard when something like this happens. But remember to tell yourself, if you hadn't have found out today, you would have found out tomorrow, and then that would be one more wasted day on someone that doesn't deserve your love or trust. She lied to you, and cheated on you, so you really don't want someone with a character like that in your life anyway.

Do not give her the satisfaction of listening to what she wants to "get off her chest." There is no reason to, and it won't accomplish anything! That is for her selfish needs, has nothing to do with you, and will only certainly hurt you more.

I think the activities mentioned above are great idea's. Focus on things that interest YOU! I think volunteering for an hr. here and there will not only give you something to do to take your mind off things, but just the appreciation from people alone, will make you fell 10 times better! I used to volunteer at animal shelters, and the unconditional love that I got from the pets made me feel so good at the end of the day, and I knew I helped a puppy or kitty feel wanted.

Good luck! :)

[LifeChangesMan]

Hey pal, I'm sorry to hear about your story, my ex just did the same thing to me a month ago here's my story maybe check it out and see how it helps you https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ke-280105.html

But anyway, I guess your not really to worried about trying to get her back or wanting her to comeback, so do whatever you want that makes you feel better about yourself, I don't think your out of line for calling her and demanding answers, BUT I don't think you want the answers to what was going on, I know I don't want to know the answers to what my ex has been doing, I don't need to know, just like you don't need to know.

For activities for you, dude get in the gym it's the best thing to do. I mean post on this site, get everything out and junk too, sports, video games, make new friends...

Hope this helps you, best luck to you.

[jmw0713]

Yea... I thought I wanted the answers to what my ex and this other guy did. It didn't help anything when I got them. It just validated what I should have done a while back... NC and move on. Now I'm stuck with fleeting image of those two together... it sucks.

Sometimes certain questions are best left unanswered.

However, it did help me see the situation for what it really was... messed up. It's a double edged sword.

[Romefalls19]

Curiousity killed the cat, I prefer not to know about my partners history. The important things, sure but not every detail. I know how many partners my fiancé has had and the main details about them. I chose not to ask her about how she felt with them or if they were good unless she tells me.

You guys were broken up, so anything she did is her business. Don't ask questions you won't like the worst case scenario answer

[kctiger]

Bury your head in the sand when it comes to finding information out about your ex. Rome is absolutely right, as I have found out... curiosity killed the cat... and me!

[talaniman]

Its not often I feel good about someone breaking up, but in your case, you needed to lose the crutch, and find yourself.

There is never an excuse for bad behavior, and now your free to grow up, and be a better person. Your young, so you really do NEED to find out who you are, and what your about without someone to be with.

Im stuck in college far away from friends and family without knowing anyone or anything to do because I did everything with her.

A part time job, or some good hobbies, will get you out, and about, when your not working on getting good grades.

This is your chance to learn to love yourself, and not depend on someone else to make you happy, or give you something to do.

Now about those hobbies..?

[busterite]

Ignorance is bliss and that is something you've had to realise the hard way. Don't worry though, we've all had to go through it and it is hard especially with someone you've been together for so long and with whom you have shared a great deal of stuff.

Just keep busy and stay NC, no matter what. All of the activities proposed above are good ideas (volunteering, hobbies, job, anything that will keep you busy). Keep in mind that you are NOT alone, there are loads of people on this website that will give you great advice. I know it really helped me.

[JohnD212]

I would just agree... no contact. Don't give in and find out what's going on... you'll immediately realize how painful that can be. It won't be easy but this is all about you and your life.

I might add about things to do... exercise... join a gym... working out makes people feel so much better... gets those good hormones flowing and makes us feel good about the way we look... and in most cases you meet new people at the gym.

Good luck! Keep smilin'