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jmw0713 · Feb 9, 2009, 03:30 PM

I feel the same way. I'm about 1 month ahead of you on the NC calendar. Recently though, I've really been thinking about her a lot for some reason. I think that I'm going to need someone new to get me completely over my ex as well.

It will come in due time my friend. Just keep your chin up and stay hopeful.

Empty Cans · Feb 13, 2009, 02:24 PM

Its Valentines Day morning in this part of the world... how depressing. A part of me wants to dig out the card she gave me last year, but I think I'll just save myself the heartache and leave it sitting in its box of "ex stuff" in my cupboard.

UnluckyDucky · Feb 13, 2009, 02:33 PM

Hey EC, just think of it this way - you get a free pass on not having to shell out a load of cash on a Hallmark holiday right? :)

It'll be the first Valentine's Day in like 7 years I'll be spending "alone" too, but I actually feel pretty good about it...

kctiger · Feb 13, 2009, 02:53 PM

Man, don't worry about Valentine's Day. I cannot stand this holiday. The way I look at it, I will be saving a TON of money this year... hek, I might even just go buy myself something nice.

jmw0713 · Feb 13, 2009, 03:06 PM

Maybe its time to go out and possibly find that "new" Valentine. That's what I think I may do. Not necessarily looking to hook-up, but a couple of numbers wouldn't hurt.

It's easy to tell who is single and who isn't on V-day. All the singles are out partying or whatever, and the couples are at dinner and whatever. I'm getting a couple of friends (guys and girls) together and doing singles night, tomorrow or Sunday.

I am trying not to let V-day get to me. This will be the first on in 4 years I'll be spending alone. Time to spend that money I would have spent on dinner, candy, and flowers, on myself.

Grayfox · Feb 13, 2009, 03:12 PM

Dude, exactly, please believe I'm going to be partying tomorrow night... hard... ive been doing it about every weekend and I haven't hooked up with a girl yet, or tried. Actually a girl tried to have sex with me two weekends back, I got her out of my dorm pretty quickly. Not even trying to deal with that stuff... I recommend you go out and have yourself a good time.

Empty Cans · Feb 13, 2009, 03:45 PM

I actually feel kind of weird at the moment. My ex seems like such a distant memory... having no contact for 5 weeks now, I almost feel like I can't actually imagine us being together, or even being friends. I feel like I don't even really know her anymore... like all those memories of us together just seem a bit strange now.

As well as being Valentines Day, today actually marks 5 months of us being broken up. September 14th 2008... a lot has changed in that 5 months.

It all just feels a bit surreal right now.

But anyway... tonight should be a good night in town with lots of single girls out.

Grayfox · Feb 13, 2009, 04:12 PM

Oh yea, it's a weird feeling. Its been 4 months for me, still feels strange. What happens is, you just realize that they weren't as big of a part of your life as you thought. Go out do your own stuff, commit to yourself, you'll gain a ton of confidence, then even when you think about your ex it won't make you feel nearly the same. I feel sad for my ex more than anything, I feel a desire to help her, to talk to her. I try from time to time, but she's not on my level, she hasn't been doing the things necessary to truly get over me, she pushes away her problems rather than facing them, thus she hasn't gotten over me yet... Don't be like that, get over your ex the proper way, accept that she's not coming back, meet new people, have a good time. Focus on your own life and do things that give you confidence. That stuff works realllly well.

zeeniee · Feb 13, 2009, 07:25 PM

Hey Empty cans,

Treat this day as a normal day- people that are single = normal day, people in love = normal day as every day should be like a valentine day when one is in love- right? So today is no big deal really.

Go and celebrate your freedom tonight and take this as a new beginnings to many new things to come.

What ever you do - keep away from THE EX BOX, it will only upset you. I actually sent all mine back to the ex- with the cargo- I am glad I did that as now as I can never see them again, just what I remember with my memories- and that is enough pain as it is.

Have a great eve out and keep smiling- as you never know who will catch that smile!

Empty Cans · Feb 14, 2009, 04:10 PM

Wow... I actually had a great night. Ended up hooking up with a smoking hot girl and going back to her place. Just kissing and the like, but it was a lot of fun.

This one was better than the other hookups I've had since the breakup... the other times I have basically just been pretty drunk and stumbled into a girls arms... this time I actually did a bit of groundwork and got the result. I forgot that I actually do have some game haha.

ImTotallyLost · Feb 17, 2009, 09:26 PM

Good job man! You handled way better than me the Valentines!

ardahk · Feb 18, 2009, 06:55 AM

Coming up to 3 weeks for me now, got my friends to come down for valentines and we partied.. Also, instead of spending money on a girl I bought myself a new TV.. ahhh the single life :p

Empty Cans · Feb 22, 2009, 02:19 AM

So apparently my ex thinks that I "hate her". I know that shouldn't be my problem, but it does bother me. I don't hate her... I think she's a great girl and a wonderful person.

She has apparently been taking it really badly that I have cut her out of my life like I have. I'm not going to lie, that does make me feel like a bit of a prick. Buts its been good for me, and I'm a lot better know compared to what I was like 6 weeks ago.

Even so, I actually need to talk to her to sort some stuff out. So I'm going to give her a call tomorrow. This isn't a call to try and get her back or anything like that... its just to say hello, and sort out a couple of things that really need sorting.

To be honest, I'm strong enough now to not let this get to me. I no that NC means NC... but I also know that each case is different, and there are times when you need to talk some things over with an ex.

Anyway... I'll let you know how it goes down.

UnluckyDucky · Feb 22, 2009, 07:45 AM

Hey EC, looks like the balance of power is shifting in your favor. If you feel this won't set you back go for it, but also don't be mean about it and give her a false sense of hope if you don't want her in your life.

Sounds like you're doing great otherwise, good luck! :)

talaniman · Feb 22, 2009, 10:04 AM

Can't wait to hear about your latest confusion! If its not about business, or money, it's a bad idea. Just me though.

ImTotallyLost · Feb 22, 2009, 10:17 AM

May I ask what is it that you need to talk with her? Is is urgent? Can't it wait? I don't want to generalize but I don't think it's a good idea to call her, unless you really need to. It's going to suck afterwards. Even though you might think you are strong... I'm telling from experience.

I've been having a couple of exchanges this past week and... even though I don't care about what she's up to or to talk about myself, and I was just wanting to make sense of a couple of things, it felt awful afterwards - the contrast between how she treated me and how cold she went towards me just knocks me down. I'm able now to not break down while talking to her and keep the dignity, it sucks afterwards. Love is tricky. Give yourself more time. Like a year or so.

Why do you think she thinks you hate her? How did you find this out? If you heard from a friend, just tell this friend it's not true, you're just healing... the message will find its way back without you talking directly to her.

LoveStoned · Feb 22, 2009, 10:20 AM

EMPTY CANS,

My ex said the same thing."you hate me"? "You don't want to talk to me right"? "What would you say if I said I wanted to get back with you?"

Then when I would give in and answer... guess what?? He backs away to come back every two weeks to tell me the same thing. The last time I cut him off for good. Ignored him and its been 1 month NC.

They are all mind games. She may be upset that you cut her off, but that's cause she can't control you anymore and your not playing her game.

Don't be there to comfort her when she's only thinking about herself.

Grayfox · Feb 22, 2009, 11:57 AM

Dude she doesn't think you hate her, she's just trying to get you back under her control. By making you care she is getting what she wants. Its not a game, but it sounds like she wants to play you like it is... If I were you id make it short and sweet, don't have a long talk with her. If you think about it, how far could it really get and how great of an outcome could it really have? Ask yourself those questions first and try to depict the outcome in your mind, if the good doesn't outweigh the bad, then it's a waste of time.

zeeniee · Feb 22, 2009, 03:51 PM

I think Empty cans will be OK with this situation- I think this is him wanted to clear his mind for him- as he is strong and has a good mindset- I think whatever he wants to sort out- will be done. It may set him back a bit? But I think he knows he will bounce back with no time, once he clears his mind. I feel this as well when I saw my ex- as much as I worried on what confusion it would place me- I was surprised at the outcome and the effect it had on me was only POSITIVE. It gave me the strength to be firm with myself more than ever and NC became a piece of cake- easy peasy.

SO good luck empty cans- hope you manage to resolve whatever it is for you!

Empty Cans · Feb 22, 2009, 04:06 PM

Basically, this is what the situation is.

For the last 3 or 4 months I have been thinking about doing a big trip to South America next year. Do some travelling, visit some friends that live there, see a part of the world I have never seen before, and just generally have a good time.

So anyway... there have been some really cheap flights on sale recently from Auckland (in NZ) to Buenos Aires leaving at the end of the year. So naturally, I have been pretty keen in this and looking into it.

One of my exs friends spent a year in Argentina and told me about these cheap flights, because she was keen to go to... and has actually bought tickets. And then she tells me that my ex also bought tickets to go too.

So anyway... it turns out that my ex and I are both going to be heading to South America (Argentina to begin with) at the same time.

But South America is a BIG place, and its not my intention to go travelling with her and her friend at all. Sure, I might see them for the first few days or whatever, but then I'm going to go off and do my own thing.

So that's what I need to talk to her about. I just need to run through it with her, she knows I'm going, and I know she's going, so if we didn't we didn't talk about it it would be a bit silly. To be honest, it's a very weird situation, I never really expected this to happen.

I know talking to her is probably going to bring back a bit of pain, but I can deal with it now. And I honestly don't see any way around it.