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Empty Cans · Feb 1, 2010, 11:05 AM

Thought I would check back in again to say hello...

I have been reading over a couple of the older posts, and found yours ,Zeeniie, from Nov 10 really good.

I think I have had me "enough" moment... one day a couple of weeks ago, I just thought to myself... I am actually really sick of this... really sick of thinking about her and having her bring my mood down.

I mean, I have been sick of it for a long time, but this time I was just like... okay, enough is enough. Time to get on with things.

I still do think about her, and it does still get me down from time to time. But I also catch myself not thinking about her for long periods. Im travelling solo around South America right now, and I suppose the times I think about her are when I am on my own... when I am with other people chatting, partying etc its fine.

So its coming up to a proper two months of NC (i.e. deleted and blocked as Facebook friends). She has contacted me once, a few weeks ago to let me know that an old lecturer of ours passed away and to wish me Happy New Year and happy travelling. I dismissed the "I wonder why she is emailing me?" thoughts very quickly and didn't read anything into it. I just replied in a paragraph or two and pretty much just said thanks for letting me know, happy new year to you too. I don't really count that as any meaningful contact anyway.

I do get times where I just want to email her and say hello, and let her know how its going, and ask how she is... but I manage to keep that from happening. It probably bothers and annoys her, but its not about her anyway.

So I have another 5 or 6 weeks in South AMerica, then its back to NZ for a couple of weeks where I guess it is inevitable I will run into her and her new boyfriend, as after all she has entwined herself into my group of friends now. I do worry a little bit about that happening, but I am sure I will be able to handle it.

Anyway... hope everyone is enjoying their start to 2010 and thanks for your support.

amicon · Feb 1, 2010, 11:27 AM

It sounds as if you have moved on-good job!
Enjoy your trip and let us know how it goes.

Empty Cans · Feb 21, 2010, 12:52 PM

I am battling with some pretty big urges to send the ex and email saying hello...

Can someone please give me some good reasons this is a really bad idea?

amicon · Feb 21, 2010, 01:10 PM

What on earth would be the point of emailing her?

Bad idea,move forward not backwards.

Go and get busy doing something else.

Empty Cans · Feb 21, 2010, 01:18 PM

I know... I don't know why but a part of me feels immature at not being able to continue any type of friendship with her... this person who knows me better than anyone else in the world and who I have so many great memories with... I don't know. Probably also has something to do with the fact that I am definitely going to run into her when I get home in a few weeks time... I feel that by making a bit of contact now its going to lessen the blow or something...

amicon · Feb 21, 2010, 01:27 PM

When and if you run in to her is the time to think about and handle that.

You're on your travels,aren't you?

Enjoy your adventure,don't sit and think about the ex.

talaniman · Feb 21, 2010, 01:33 PM

It would be pretty dumb to ruin a good time with something as stupid as saying hello to someone who doesn't give a rats Patoot about you.

When you have those urges, just re-read this post, and smack yourself for thinking it's a good idea to say hello to your ex.

Sdawson90 · Feb 21, 2010, 04:48 PM

I wouldn't respond to the Email.

She obviously either wants you to move on, or is there to make you feel pain, either which isn't good for you in the long run.

Best wishes.
-Sam

emopunk7 · Feb 21, 2010, 06:52 PM

Do not email her! Its been a year! My gosh! Within a year I'd have been moved on sooo much... Its only 5 months for me and I kept no contact since day 1. want to know how I am doing? Feeling wise? Great!! I go days without thinking of her now! I go on dates now and have bettered my life quite a bit in this time. Girlfriend wise? I don't have one yet but I know I am at the point where I am ready to have one. The thing that gets me a bit down to be honest is that I don't have a significant person to go to for things. I know it will happen though. Think positive and positive happens. Believe me, I know! You will be fine soon enough if you Don't EMAIL HER!

vanheart · Feb 21, 2010, 10:41 PM

Don't ruin the 2 months of progress because of moments of weakness.

That's just stupid.

Those snap decisions will cost you.

You're doing great, keep it up & have fun. #1 priority. Is you.

Empty Cans · Feb 22, 2010, 07:50 AM

Thanks guys... I drafted an email and then just saved it as a draft and left it. I just deleted it now. Its not going to achieve anything and is only just a backward step. I know I am going to run into her when I get home but Ill just deal with that when it happens.

Emopunk, we each take our own time to get over someone... you can't say you would be so much better off after a year. We each have our own circumstances. Thanks for your post though anyway.

Thanks again for your help team!

jmw0713 · Feb 22, 2010, 07:55 AM

Don't do it. I thought I could be "friends" with my ex after a year apart from her. We even started talking almost everyday again. I decided to go out with her and a friend one night...

BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE TO DATE! Just envision her basically ignoring you and flirting with other guys right in front of you... You still have feelings for her. You still want things to be the way they WERE. The problem is, things are the way they are NOW. She isn't thinking of the past the same way you are.

If you become "friends" you will continue to chase her, while she gets her jollies from somewhere else, and leans on you for emotional support. Don't do that to yourself. Work on who you are and find someone who will appreciate that.

Learn from the past, don't be a fool and repeat it.

howling wolf · Mar 9, 2010, 09:22 PM

Hi empty cans,

I've read your post and experienced your feelings for the past 9 months. I just genuinely feel for you, and I actually particularly searched for you after 3 months of not lurking this site anymore. I think now is the time for you to really just let go man. And I am not talking about your ex, but I'm talking about this site. I feel like you are looking for answers that you won't find on site filled with heartbroken people. You are past that now, you are healed. If you feel like you can't avoid her, then don't. Go and talk to her and see where life runs. I'm serious... by now, you should know that whatever decision you make, you will be okay. Life is okay, and you don't need anyone or any site to hold your hand through it.

vanheart · Mar 9, 2010, 10:00 PM

Its OK to write. Gets stuff our chests. And yes, don't even think about sending it.

You are doing great.

And don't worry so much about her, or running into her. That just keeps you from really living.

She's no longer a part of you. Just a memory. The past. Not now.

zeeniee · Mar 17, 2010, 07:41 AM

Hi Empty Cans, just caught up with your thread- as I have not been on this site for ages- I think you should just let time do its thing- you will have days where you will not think of the ex- and days were you will- the best thing is to accept that this is a normal event like situation and then maybe things will not feel so deep.

In the mean time- enjoy your hoilday!! I hope you have a fab time- sure enough there will be days where you will think of the ex etc- that is okay as long as you get everything in perspective- see this as your brain cells are re-organising your mind :-)
I found going travelling helps- this year I went to Shanghai ( was freezing! ), then thailand islands and OZ :-) now my mind is well focus and I say sod the ex- er who is the ex?. lol... keep going mate, with kind regards
Zeeniee

Empty Cans · Mar 25, 2010, 01:34 PM

Cheers for those last posts guys, hadn't checked here in a little while.

Well, I can now confidently say that I am over it all. Don't know how it happened, but it just did all of a sudden. Somehow that switch of feeling hurt just got turned off. Time finally did its thing. May the no contact continue...

Thanks for everyone's support on here, especially Zeeniee, Tal, JMW and I'm Totally Lost.

I might check in now and again ans post the odd update, but the site has achieved its job for me now! Thanks again, couldn't have done it without you.

EC.