[superwoman08]

I have been seeing this guy approx 3 months. We have been spending some really nice times together. Recently, a female sent my friend a friend request on Yahoo and my friend accepted the request. They began chatting online. In the meantime he and I agreed that I would go visit him on Sunday at 3pm. I learned that he invited the new friend (stranger) to his house and said that she could also spend the night if she'd like, just to get out the house and have something to do. The time he told her she could visit is at 4pm, an hour after I was suppose to have visited him.

I found out that when my friend asked the girl to come visit him, AND spend the night, the girl gave him a piece of her mind, as in saying NO- how could you ask me something like that and you don't know me. When she commenced to call him out of his name, etc, she sounded insane and she lit into him. So I don't know how long they exchanged IM's back and forth, but during things, I asked my guy friend about what happened, then I went off on him, because we have been sexually involved several times, and initially he asked me to be his girlfriend. I remember telling him that I would.

First off my friend was in total SHOCK that I knew of the girl he was exchanging IM's with. I know her through her sis (whose hair I have styled). Come to find out, the stranger (girl) asked him if he had a girlfriend, he replied 'no.' She asked him if he was currently sexually involved with anyone and he said 'NO, because he was not interested in doing so. Mind you we have sex (or was having sex). When I confronted him about the entire ordeal, he said that he thought the girl was me playing a trick on him.? Of course he did have a valid reason to 'think' it was me, because somewhere during their IM exchange, she threw on the table that he is asking her to visit him and he was probably already having company over and that he should be ashamed of himself for asking her to visit as well. I was suppose to be visiting him, but he nor I told anyone that I was. SO he still swears up and down that chic had to be me because she 'supposedly' knew he was having company. It was merely a statement, leading up to how she felt that men were such dogs because they have the tendencies to tell women that they're not involved when they really are. And they have all these women visiting and taking chances on bumpin into each other. Also, he CLAIMED that whenever the girl was online, I wasn't, and when I was, she wasn't. I don't believe that. Well, because we have been having sex, and I thought we established early on that he & I were together, and because I KNOW that I did not disguise myself as someone else, naturally, I confronted him about not acknowledgin that he was involved with someone that I told him that I didn't appreciate him using me, if that wasn't the case. Then I went to say that he was falsely accusing me of somethng that I KNOW I didn't do and that offended me. I went off on him ROYALLY, because I really did feel used and like a fool, all at the same time falsely accused.

This happened a week ago. Ever since last weekend when everything first transpired, my friend has been HOT at me saying that he really does think that I was playing games with him, no matter how much I tried to convince him that I wouldn't play games with him. Of course after I went off on him, he tried to point out similarities at how the girl went off on him and I followed suit. He said that he is totally innocent and that I went off on him for no apparent reason. He said that even though he & the girl never met, and although he did invite her to his house, that nothing happened, nor was going to happen. THEN he said that I should consider the fact that he and I never established that we were together and basically I had no right to ask him about anything. Then we would be more cordial after a while, but he would eventually somehow manage to bring up the situation whereas he still thinks the girl was me. So the last time we communicated, he actually asked me to 'admit' that it was me, but I replied that I am not going to lie because he wants me to, I guess to make him feel better, since he was sort of put on the spot. That same night he flared up in saying 'u know it was u, have a good night man!! Happy Holidays! And I replied 'u too.' Ever since then (tuesday) I've been trying to contact him and he ignores my attempts.

I KNOW the girl was a trouble maker, but should I have reacted the way that I did? I went off on him and kind of degraded him (didnt' call him a name per se), but I used curse words that I never did with him before. He deleted the girl's contact info. But he is now ignoring my calls and messages. I offered to make a dish for him for Thanksgiving, as well, I invited him to come eat Thanksgiving dinner with my family and me. He declined on both offers. He stated that he just wanted to have a peaceful evening alone. What should happen next on my part? #1 I think he still thinks that was me playing games with him, #2 he's still upset because of how bad I went off on him, in reference to I thought he was using me.

[lmnotok]

I think you guys (both you and him) were acting just like kids. But whatever happened, happened. I can pointed out several mistakes you made, but its no use. So right now, if he ignores you, you don't really need to find out why. Just let him be. He SAID HE WANTED TO HAVE A PEACEFUL NIGHT ALONE!! So just let he do what he wants. If he doesn't want to talk or contact you at all, then that's it! You don't need to try. HAve some face. Remember who did all the wrong thing?? YOu or him?? Well, as I know, he did. So head up! Ignore him by the way!

[COOKIE MONSTER]

Hun give up
If this guy wanted to be in a relationship with you he would have said.
The fact that you had sex several times and not in any relationship he just seen you as a f**k buddy,why would a guy invite some other woman round an hour after you arrived knowing that you would be there says it all.
He probably had more in mind,2 female's to himself practically ever male's dream.
If he's not awsering your calls don't bother calling
Start no contact and move on.
I know you like him and your upset but the trouble is not worth it

[uvware]

Why are you even wasting your time with this guy. Whatever the circumstances, he's not ready to commit or have an honest relationship. Do you want that?

[talaniman]

If you believe anything he says and still continue to hang with him, you deserve everything you get.

I also have a bridge to sell you. I can't believe you let him turn his bad behavior into doubts about your reaction to them.

Stop being his fool.

[superwoman08]

i think you guys (both you and him) were acting just like kids. But whatever happened, happened. I can pointed out several mistakes you made, but its no use. So right now, if he ignores you, you dont really need to find out why. Just let him be. He SAID HE WANTED TO HAVE A PEACEFUL NIGHT ALONE!!! So just let he do what he wants. If he doesnt want to talk or contact you at all, then thats it! You dont need to try. HAve some face. Remember who did all the wrong thing??? YOu or him??? Well, as i know, he did. So head up! Ignore him by the way!

Hello; thanks for your advice. I have not tried to contact this guy since Wednesday and I will not going forward. I am curious as to the things you see that I did wrong. The only reason I used so much energy in trying to convince him that the girl was not me is because I really couldn't believe that he would think I would do such a thing. I did include in my rebuttal to him 'thanks for letting me know who you really are.' And I was referring to several things. I wanted to know what did I do and shouldn't have, to help me in the future as I don't want to make the same mistake twice (with anyone). I usually try to solve my own problems without pulling anyone else into my business. But I realize that a total stranger looking in on the situation could probably see the whole picture since they're not 'in it' as I am.

[superwoman08]

hun give up
if this guy wanted to be in a relationship with you he would of said.
the fact that you had sex several times and not in any relationship he just seen you as a f**k buddy,why would a guy invite some other woman round an hour after you arrived knowing that you would be there says it all.
he probably had more in mind,2 female's to himself practically ever male's dream.
if he's not awsering your calls don't bother calling
start no contact and move on.
i know you like him and your upset but the trouble is not worth it

I realize that if he wanted a relationship with me he would've pursued me in that manner without any unanswered questions on my part. I would know 'for certain' that he wanted me as a mate. And finally I do realize now that he only viewed me as a screw buddy. I also told him that I didn't think 'he' was worth the trouble of all the chaos because first off he had a closed mind in hearing and believing me. Seems the more we talked he tried his best to get me to fess up so to speak. And as our time away from each other passed, I am realizing that this guy wouldn't be the one to be in the serious relationship that I am ready for, with me. True, I like him, but I love myself enough to back off if things are not falling in favor of me being with him. Again, thanks for your advice.

[superwoman08]

Why are you even wasting your time with this guy. Whatever the circumstances, he's not ready to commit or have an honest relationship. Do you want that?

Yes, I was wasting my time with him. Initially I was really enjoying being with him and really having fun, until all this mess came up and I began seeing him in a different view. I guess the only reason why I did for so long is because he would tell me one thing, but when we're together he is really clingy and lovey dubby as if he really likes me. Yes, I am ready for a serious relationship but I see now that he is not.

[s2tp]

How is it you knew this other girl was talking to him? Were you reading his messages?

"I know her thru her sis (whose hair I have styled)"

So you know who she is?

You claim neither of you told anyone else that you would be visiting him so how would this so-called 'stranger' know?

I don't mean to sound like I am questioning your story, but some things are just not adding up. My initial quick-read reaction is that you have created this situation and are appalled that he would think you capable of it...

But then I have been grossly accused of some ridiculous things, so I know it is possible, but still... some of the things you said don't add up. Can you add more info to the situation?

[superwoman08]

If you believe anything he says and still continue to hang with him, you deserve everything you get.

I also have a bridge to sell you. I can't believe you let him turn his bad behavior into doubts about your reaction to them.

Stop being his fool.

Yes, indeed he turned everything back on me and had me thinking that maybe I shouldn't have said anything to him about the situation. But I am glad that I did because I now know how he is and how he responded to the girl, even though nothing happened. I see where his head is, because what IF she had agreed to go to his house, and what IF I had decided to go.. I am certain that it would've been much worse had we all bumped into each other, because I wasn't going to be cool with it. I am finished spending any time with him (doubt that he will contact me again anyway.) If he should happen to reach me, I've already decided that I won't respond, at least for a good while. Because this was TOO MUCH to fathom how or why it ever happened. As I told him, everything happens for a reason. He said that his lesson was that now he knows why he is single, because he doesn't have the tolerance or patience for adults and that's why he chooses to teach children. So, yes, he turned everything back on me and I didn't accept it in his eyes. On the flip side, I am only asking for advice on here because I went off on him kind of badly and I feel guilty because I wonder did I over react. I was embarrassed afterwards, though I still don't agree with his interaction with the stranger. He is a total jerk. Also, the more we talked about 'anything,' he kept saying to me that I contradict myself wayyyyyy too much.. . and it was concerning the 'smallest' things. I don't mean to be naggin to you all, because it seems as though you're shaking your head at me and seeing that I am being a fool. I am asking for advice from someone else's point of view. And, no, I am no longer his fool :cool:

[superwoman08]

How is it you knew this other girl was talking to him? Were you reading his messages?

"I know her thru her sis (whose hair I have styled)"

So you know who she is?

You claim neither of you told anyone else that you would be visiting him so how would this so-called 'stranger' know?

I don't mean to sound like I am questioning your story, but some things are just not adding up. My initial quick-read reaction is that you have created this situation and are appalled that he would think you capable of it...

but then I have been grossly accused of some ridiculous things, so I know it is possible, but still...some of the things you said don't add up. Can you add more info to the situation?

Yes, I will now add. I tried to summarize only the main points in my initial post because it was such a long story. Two girls, #1 I styled her hair - she was referred to me by a friend of mine, and the second girl#2 (17 years old) is her sister. They both were at my house a couple of weeks ago and the younger girl used my computer. I gathered that she for some strange reason picked up my Yahoo address contacts from my computer as I was logged on. I didn't think to close anything down because I didn't think I had to. That is the only thing I could think of as to HOW the girl got my friend's info. Based on when my friend told me that he received a friend request, I figured a few days after the two girls were at my house is when the exchange of messages first started. No, I am not trying to squeeze my way out of being this girl. But that's what this guy was saying as well. And that is why I ever questioned how I reacted to the situation. He feels as though it was me, but I went off on him because I was offended that he would think such a thing, along with what his messages were with the girl. The girl whose hair I did is the one who called me on my phone (mind you, they're sisters) and asked me if I knew *** name and that she noticed her sister was chattin with someone and looking behind her as if she is hiding something. Her sister recalled me telling her (on the day I did her hair) that I was interested in a guy and he was a teacher. His screen name is related to being a teacher. I never told neither of the girls that I go to his house at all. So really it was first brought up to me as this guy was flirting with her sister. Girl #1 went to her and girl #2 computer and saw the messages that they were exchanging. So girl#2 told girl#1 that the guy I mentioned last Sunday is a dog because he's trying to get her in his bed. Apparently girl#2 was listening to our conversation when I was doing hair. That's how it started, so when girl#1 read the IM's, she eventually called me asked me for my email address so she can forward their IM's to me so I can confront my guy friend. She also asked me if I wanted to not say anything yet just to see how he would continue to act with her sister, and I told her "NO, I'm not in to playing games I want to say something NOW." That was when I confronted him.

[talaniman]

I don't mean to be naggin to you all, because it seems as though you're shaking your head at me and seeing that I am being a fool. I am asking for advice from someone else's point of view. And, no, I am no longer his fool :cool:

Just trying to make a very strong point, that's all. Nothing personal.

[superwoman08]

Just trying to make a very strong point, thats all. Nothing personal.

Yea I know, just guilt speaking out from me lol
Thanks again Tal. Have a great weekend.:D