[8120joy]

I was in a long term relatively healthy relationship for 4 years. We both loved each other very much and both endured and tried to work through our final year with me struggling with depression. Eventually I broke up with him, even though I adored him. From the day I broke up with him, even though I was hurt about the relationship I didn't struggle with depression, not even for 1 day. For a year Ive been single and perfectly happy.

Now I've met a wonderful young man who adores me and we make each other so happy. We've only been together for 1 month and now Ive started getting depressed again.

What is going on?

I spent a few months in counselling last year and dealt with all the issues I had. Unless for some reason subconciously I want to be single I can't see any reason why this is happening. Neither this guy (or my ex) has given me any reason to be unhappy.

Please help!

[WFM117]

It almost sounds to me that you have a sense of relief from a relationship after it is over. Not having to worry about when and how to make it work. It sounds to me that you expect failure to occur in a relationship from the momment that you enter into it. You wait for the point to try and "make things work" even though things are "happy" and going good. This expectation would make anyone depressed, but having a past experience as such is only transferring into your present relationship. As for your subconscience, that is an outdated "pop-psychology" term. Unless you truly feel that there is a future for you to always be single, then you are indeed looking for a partner. You clearly expressed this by searching for an answer here on this site. You are searching for an answer for:1) you don't want to be depressed but 2)you don't want to be alone. The advice that I would give is, highlight the times that you are happy when your single and try to incorporate these aspects into a relationship. If that seems to not help, maybe you are forcing being in a relationship. Possibly the best advice may be some time for YOU. Focusing on you as a single and not having to think about life in terms of a being a "couple" Best wishes!

[Choux]

Depression is a form of anger.

Why not delve deeper into your feelings and disappointments in all your male relationships? Give the therapist a call.

Best wishes,

[N0help4u]

What did the counselor say when you did go?

My two theories are (and it could be a combination of both as well as other things).
1. You are too independent to be in a relationship and
2. You need a different type of guy that you find more challenging

Many girls get bored with their 'great boyfriend' because they are average and don't want more out of life than the typical go to work, come home, eat and watch TV, go to bed, wake up and go to work again. That is basically part of why many girls end up going for the 'bad boy image' and leaving the decent guys scratching their head 'why do the bad boys get all the good girls.

If you have interests and hobbies like sports, boating, motorcycles and traveling (or if you aren't maybe you should be) and find a guy that is into a more active lifestyle.