[fletch354]

My daughter and soon to be son in law are planning their wedding in Oct... so far they only want the parents to help as little as possible... Fine... but I was recently asked... being that they are paying for a great deal of their own wedding... what is the ettiquette on out of town guest and who pays for their hotel rooms:confused:

[RickJ]

We went to Mexico for a wedding couple summers ago. The wedding party blocked off a number of rooms that were available to us for 50% off the regular price (which the parents paid for).

I've also seen out of town weddings where nothing was offered.

I don't think there's a rule of thumb for it... just whatever you/they are able to offer.

[ScottGem]

Go to your local library and look for the Emily Post etiquette guide.

But I agree with Rick. As far as I know there is no requirement on the part of anyone to pay for out of town guests. There is nothing stopping you from doing so, if you really want a specific guest to come and you know they need help with the costs.

[valinors_sorrow]

Family members (and those who feel like family members) will privately and discreetly arrange to stay with family members. Guests I would think, is like Rick said... either nothing is done or some arrangement is offered equally. When considering this its important to not play favorites in any manner and to not insult a guest's ability to pay by being too direct. So what is done for family (private) is different than what is done for public (openly). Congrats to your daughter and her finace.

[CaptainForest]

What the other dudes said...

Ive been to weddings where both have happened... both the parents pay and where they don't.

Only spend what you can afford.

Once, when the parents weren't paying, we simply gave less of a wedding gift to compensate for paying for a hotel room. While not dollar for dollar, there was some taken off.

[kp2171]

I also agree with what has been mentioned. Attended an out of town wedding where there were rooms at a discount (as mentioned above), which was nice, but not expected. And also have paid full or made arrangements on my own.

I'm not sure how the hotel block pricing works (how do you forcast how many rooms, are they really reserved or what) but it wouldn't hurt to call if this is something you'd consider.

[bryanna]

Hello Fletch. I recently just went through this. My fiancé and I had originally said that we would but $100 towards everyone's rooms and throw in a $10 gas card for the drive. WRONG!! I did a lot of research only to find that though it's a nice gesture, the bottom line is that on the night of the wedding, the bride and groom (or the family) is responsible for the accommodations. We just had to suck it up and I had to get another job!! :)
Ultimately, it's your decision.

[CaptainForest]

According to who bryanna?

In my family, paying for hotel rooms is almost NEVER the custom.

[bryanna]

According to several sources actually. Emily Post for one. I must say though that since you reside in Canada, and though we are not so far away from each other, there are many different customs that you have as Canadians that are different from Americans. For instance, because most waitstaff make more hourly there than they do here, the tipping is not the standard %20 there like it is here. These are small things but they exist. Personally, I feel that the idea of giving a "lesser gift" is somewhat tacky. I don't go to a wedding and say "well the plate per person cost $65 per head but they could have gone somewhere where it was only $40 per head and so that is what I'm willing to give". You give what you can afford and you do it without reservation and without it reflecting the manner in which the couple is to be married. Sorry if that seems harsh I don't mean to, it's just my opinion.

[Mary Beth]

What is tradition for the groom's parents to pay for?

[s_cianci]

Generally, whoever invites the out-of-town guests springs for the lodging.

[dunno]

I have never been to an out of town wedding where the rooms were paid for. My fiance' and I are on a very tight budget and there's no way we could pay for anyone's rooms.