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firsttimedumped · Nov 12, 2008, 04:19 PM

Hello,

Ive been on this site for a couple of days now, just reading the many post that sound so much like mine. So I decided to share my story as well.

I am 29 yo and my stbxw is 25 we were together for 10 years married for 5 out of those 10.
We have a young 2 yo boy together which is my life. We met very young right after high school I was her first real boyfriend and she was my first real girlfriend. Our relationship was not the greatest but it was not the worst. We fought some times like everyone else. I think it had to do with our communication skills, I for one have a hard time showing emotions and she is very open about everything. Within the last year we have been very distant from each other, this march is when she dropped the whole I need space thing and if we were meant to be we will be in the future. Anyway I left the apartment we used to share and went to live with my mother... what a change in worlds when this happens.. During the first 2 months we were not speaking at all only regarding our son...

Around the 3rd month of nc she starts to ask me if I want to be friends and hangout like a family like we used to, I agreed and we have been seeing each other once a week to do something for our child and are constantly on the phone talking about each others live's work etc..

Now my question is... every time I hang out with her I still went home alone and it killed every time I used to go to square one every single time...

So today I told her that I think it was best that we stop seeing each other because I cannot handle the torture anymore... I basically said we cannot hang out or talk to each other anymore unless it has to do about our B...

Here's the thing instead of her asking why or trying to stop it from happening she just agreed with the whole thing... Her words "Good luck in life i wish nothing but the best for
you" I torn between 2 feelings right now...

Im stuck thinking did I just mess up my chance of being with my wife and child again

And thinking wow was she just stringing me along for the last couple of months with no intention of really giving our family a second chance...

You guys have the best advice as I am in need of some right now...

friend4u178 · Nov 12, 2008, 05:40 PM

I think she has pretty well made up her mind that this is over and never had any intentions of getting back with you but was happy to be your friend.

On the other hand you seem to still have feelings for her that are beyond friendship and that's why it hurts when she doesn't express the same feelings.

I suggest still talking to her but only about your child when necessary , your not properly over her so aren't ready to be in the friend zone just yet.

firsttimedumped · Nov 12, 2008, 10:37 PM

Ok this is the thing now she just text me saying that she has not stopped crying since I told her that... she said that she heard our wedding song on the radio and could not help but to text me and tell me how much she was crying...

I ignored the text... So she said thanks for giving a f... and wanted to know if we were still exchanging Christmas gifts...

I don't know

Romefalls19 · Nov 13, 2008, 06:38 AM

Try COMMUNICATION and seeing what she is feeling. She seemed to be making an effort, is she stubborn by any chance?

talaniman · Nov 13, 2008, 07:38 AM

I think you were on a path to develop a level of communications you never had before. For whatever reason you couldn't handle it, and when she didn't beg you to keep going... You quit.

Look guy you are tied to this female for a long time, and should never stop anything that promotes good relations, as a parent, and friend, for your sons sake, if nothing else.

Get your a$$ back on that path, and keep learning to cope with your feelings, and do the family things, through caring, communications and dedication.

This is far from over, so how dare you quit, because you can't handle your own emotions.

firsttimedumped · Nov 13, 2008, 08:23 AM

Just got off the phone with her and basically told her that I made a mistake in the choice I made. I told her that if she would like to continue seeing each other from time to time with our son that it would be nice... I also told her to continue to call me if she needs someone to talk to...

Her response was I don't know... because she is upset the way I approached her about it..

This is driving me crazy she will be here in 1 hour to drop off B... I am going to try and establish our communication once more... see what happens

firsttimedumped · Nov 13, 2008, 08:29 AM

Also about the stubborn issue... she is very very very stubborn

talaniman · Nov 13, 2008, 09:28 AM

Let her be. Have fun with your son, and be patient, with yourself.

Sorry to be harsh, its just sitting on the pity pot is a pet peeve of mine, and prefer positive action, when faced with a dilemma.

I would never quit on my family, or myself, and I think your relationship benefits greatly, by you communicating, and not quitting on yourself.

I think your wife wanting space was a wake up call, not the end. I also suspect she is watching you carefully. Put your best into this. You have much to learn, and skills to develop.

firsttimedumped · Nov 13, 2008, 10:41 AM

Thanks for the advise... well we just finished the exchange of our son and the conversation went well... We both agreed that it was best that we continue to hang out together for our son... also to keep speaking on the phone as well...

We spoke about her job and other stuff in our life...

I have a question to ask...

I was thinking since we married young and never really experienced the world without one another could this be what she is looking for... Can a person woman or man be willing to split a family apart to pursue this curiosity... All her friends are single and "live the life" and I can't stop thinking that she thinks she missed out on all of that...

As for me I will hope for the best but prepare for the worst.. I am taking classes again now that I have some free time also going to join a gym...

Sorry for rant but I also have another big fear... I came from a broken home no father... and it kills me to think that one day another man will be a father figure to my son... I know there are a lot of great men out there and she is smart enough not to bring the wrong man in our sons life... its just the whole idea just seems so wrong...

So should I just lay low and let her contact me after this situation we went through...

Thanks

Boristheblade · Nov 13, 2008, 02:59 PM

Ok I agreed with friend, but on reading the other posts I'd have to say I agree with Tal. I also think it's a good idea to let her contact you- as long as you've made her feel comfortable in doing so.

Dragonfly1234 · Nov 13, 2008, 07:13 PM

Your fears will create many obstacles for you if you don't learn to manage them better. No one can predict the future and no one can reassure you about what will happen with your situation. You should spend less energy trying to find answers than don't exist and spend more energy on bettering yourself, in every aspect (which from your post I believe you are trying to do with classes and joining a gym etc.) If you two end up back together, you will be an improved partner and if you don't, you will be an improved individual for the benefit or yourself and another potential woman. Focus on what you can control.

firsttimedumped · Nov 16, 2008, 08:43 AM

She has been acting very distant since I mentioned this to her... she will not call anymore like she used to... she will only text to see how the be is doing...

I know everyone says step up and be a man and live your life... but man does this hurt..

Last night I had a dream that she finally told me she was seeing someone else and I woke up crying like a baby... wow Ive never felt pain like this before... I cannot wait till till I don't feel like this anymore...

kctiger · Nov 16, 2008, 09:10 AM

I actually had to deal with the "I am seeing someone else" line. It hurts, unlike anything I have ever felt. Actually, she was with this guy at the same place when I was out celebrating my birthday. It takes a long time to get over this, and a lot of tears and emotions will fall in between. You just got to remember that life goes on and you have to get up and face it, no matter what. I feel for your pain man!

firsttimedumped · Nov 24, 2008, 04:51 PM

I have another question...

She gets mad with me if I don't pick up the phone even if I don't have our son, she is always asking me if I am seeing someone.

Today she came to pick up our son and she thought I had a hickey on my neck.. lol Im 29 I was just itching my neck..

So she texted me that she couldn't believe I had that on me..
And she called twice I know its for that purpose.. I haven't picked up..

Why would she ask all these questions and be concerned if she doesn't want to be with me..

I don't understand

firsttimedumped · Nov 26, 2008, 02:12 PM

Should I take my ex wife and son to dinner tonight so that we can eat a thanks giving dinner as a family since we will be away from each other tomorrow...

If you need a briefing on what I'm going through read

This... https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-a-280233.html

Justwantfair · Nov 26, 2008, 02:24 PM

You are definitely in a tough situation.

I think that it is time for you and your ex-wife to stop playing games with each other and agree to go to couples counseling and work it out or start taking some co-parenting classes and learn your boundaries for a healthy life apart.

Your whole adult lives have been focused on each other and your child together either you want to work it out or you don't but you need to decide that first so that you can both properly deal with your boundaries. And that is a decision that you both need to sit down and discuss.

talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 01:07 PM

Even if she hates you, she will still get jealous, so don't be confused by the ways of a female, and don't read anything into it. That will drive you NUTS!

talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 01:09 PM

Came across this to late, and am curious what went down.

firsttimedumped · Nov 28, 2008, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Came across this to late, and am curious what went down.

It never went down we were supposed to eat breakfast yesterday but I over slept and never heard the alarm clock... lol.

Well I got an ear full yesterday.. she basically was saying thanks for ruining her holiday and that I pretty much messed up all the "process I was making in changing to be a better person" and that I will never change and how much I hurt her.. That I don't see the bigger picture.. etc

And then she calls me Today to tell me how much more stuff she bought me today on black Friday for christmas... And basically just acting like yesterday never happened...

Women are hard to read...

talaniman · Nov 28, 2008, 01:39 PM

Tell me about it, and I stopped trying a long time ago!