[starlite1]

Your not being an idiot at all. It is understandable that you want your wife back, but at this juncture, you need to give her the space she wants and needs. I know this is hurting you, but at this point there is nothing more you can really do except be there for your son, and let your wife be. Right now, it seems that her mind is made up. Time will tell though, you never know.

[firsttimedumped]

Iwish I have the same idea as you. I came from a broken home my father left when I was two. I always promised myself I would never be like him. I know I am in my sons life everyday but sometimes from a distance and it hurts because that's when I feel like I let him down and couldn't keep his family together.. Probably not the right way to think but I do.

Now as far as step parents I will never take anything away from them but it's not the same.

[talaniman]

Backing off the idea of getting back together does not mean you will not interact as a family, you are stilled tied together for years to come, because you have a son to raise... together.

My whole point is make that the focus, and basically work on yourself for now, and be happy without your wife. Are you divorced?? Or just separated??

Moving on with your life, doesn't mean meeting someone else. It does mean accepting her decision to leave, and be on her own.

You have already seen her reaction to your efforts to get her back, you end up pushing her away.

[firsttimedumped]

Taliman we are not divorced..

You are right everything I do I have to do for myself and my son. He is only 2 so we have at least 15 more years of having to be in direct contact with each other I understand that.

I have had other woman ask me out to dinner and I have went not expecting much just to see what it feels like.. Man is was weird LOL I haven't dated in a while and I was rusty.. I honestly do not think I'm ready I feel like I cannot give my all to someone now until I can finally make up my mind on what I want to do on my current situation.. And I don't know if I should feel like this but I feel that it might also mess up my chances with getting my family back.

Is that normal?

[I wish]

You're not divorced... it means she did not completely close the door on you and I can stop calling her your ex wife. I'm guessing that you guys are separated?

I know that she was very direct in saying that she does not want to try anymore. But from my experience, girls can say something very extreme, but not completely mean it.

The reason you do not want to fully commit to another woman is because you still have feelings for your wife.

I suggest you stick with the plan. Focus on making yourself a better person. Spend more quality time with your son, all the while being there for your wife and rebuilding your relationship.

[Hathor]

You're not divorced... it means she did not completely close the door on you and I can stop calling her your ex wife. I'm guessing that you guys are seperated?

I know that she was very direct in saying that she does not want to try anymore. But from my experience, girls can say something very extreme, but not completely mean it.

The reason you do not want to fully commit to another woman is because you still have feelings for your wife.

I suggest you stick with the plan. Focus on making yourself a better person. Spend more quality time with your son, all the while being there for your wife and rebuilding your relationship.

Totally agree.

I agree with Talaniman that you need to focus on your self-improvement than try to get her back right now. But to disagree with Talaniman, I don't think you should just drop it and move on. No one (including you and me) wants to hang on to false hope, and I don't want to give you an advice that will lead you on a false hope either. I know it's very hard, but the only thing you need right now is TIME and PATIENCE. It seems that BOTH of you need time. It looks like your wife still loves you (otherwise she wouldn't have cried and shown our those emotions, trust me) but she really needs time to heal. And you need to respect her wish for that. If you continue pursuing her, you'll end up chasing her away. What you can do is be a great dad, and a good friend to your wife (be attentive to her emotions as a good friend should do, I agree with I Wish that you might be lacking some emotions. Isn't it why she left you in the first place? You not being affectionate enough?) After some time, I'm sure she'll see a better you. You cannot force anyone to change their opinions about you, you have to show them you've changed, and without agenda (of getting her back, because it'll be like you're just nice to her so you guys can get back together again).

Don't just throw 10 years of marriage away if you still love each other and the relationship itself wasn't toxic or abusive (in that case move on). But don't wake up everyday thinking you need her back, you need her back either.

And FYI, flowers, notes/cards, gifts etc. are lame. I mean you guys have been together for 10 years, you should be able to tell what makes the other happy, right? 10 years of marriage, I mean we women don't need chivalry at this point, we need security. Actions speak louder than words.

[firsttimedumped]

Ok guys here goes a little update..


Yesterday was easter and we decided to spend the day together for our son and take him to the circus.. Before the circus we went to eat at a restaurant and had a good time talked, laughed etc..

The circus was great too our son and ourselves enjoyed the showed a lot.

After the circus we decided we would go to my place to watch a movie and hangout for a little while before she headed back to her place.

Our son wound up falling asleep so I mad a move on her and she didn't reject me, which led to us sleeping with each other for the first time in over 7 months. After all was said and done she went back home to her place.

So here is the weird part.. Today I get a text from her saying that yesterday was a big mistake and that she thinks that we should no longer be friends... Caught me off guard I didn't expect her to want to try to want to work things out because of one special day but I didn't expect this either.

I asked why did she feel like this and her answer was... That we can never be together.. That she cannot trust that I have changed...

So I told her that I respect her decision and I guess we will just communicate for the sole fact of our son..

So there it goes what do you guys think... Because I'm lost... LOL

[talaniman]

I think, like most guys who come here after a break up, you let every good thing that happens, give you a false hope that things have changed, and they have in your mind, but not in hers.

I also think she was motivating you on to continue your present behavior, and make it permanent.

You walk a fine thin line between false hope, and regaining trust. Take this as a small victory, a step in the right direction, but by no means enough to say anything has changed.

I would also caution you on making moves on your ex, just because you see an opportunity. Imagine the message you send.

Even if she does give in, she must shoot you down, just as a matter of her self respect.

[I wish]

The reason she slept with you was because she was probably having a moment of weakness. The fact that you guys were at the circus and having fun, she was probably feeling really happy that you guys are acting as a family again.

But before and after her moment of weakness, I'm sure that it was clear in her mind that the trust has changed.

What do you want? Do you want to get back with her? It will take some time to gain it back and you might never gain it back either.

[firsttimedumped]

So today I go and pick up my son and we had another conversation on our situation.

She basically told me that she doesn't see a future with me and that she is going to start dating because she feels lonely and thinks its time for her to have someone in her life.

What a dagger in the heart I tell you.. Oh well I gave it my all Its over for sure now..
Even if she feels she made a mistake down the line Me as a person I would not be able to look past the fact the she had been intimate with another person.. Probably I'm being selfish but that's how I feel.

I honestly do not know how I am going to react the first time I see her with someone..

I pray that I can control my emotions and do not say or do something stupid because it will just be a waste and the only person that will come out looking like an would be ME!!

So I guess this the end of this chapter..

Question how did you guys feel or react the first time you seen your x with the new one??

[kctiger]

Felt sorry for the poor guy...

Stung at first then I grew and couldn't care less.

[Justwantfair]

Relief, but that was because he was the one who wouldn't let go.

I think it will hurt and since you take the added this guy will be in my son's life role, you will have some adjustments to make. The sooner you heal and move on, the more you couldn't care less feeling takes over.

You need to stop doing the "family" things for a while and keep communication to child only. Make it known that you will watch your son at any time if she wants to go out and that will increase the likelihood that while she is dating she is not introducing your son to random guys.

[firsttimedumped]

You guys are right.. I'm just going to leave her alone, no more family outings..

The only one I will do is his birthday which is next month.. It was already planned and paid for..

Oh well like I said I tried to keep this family together..

[I wish]

It hasn't happen to me yet because I lose all contact with my ex. It's as if they are no longer part of my life.

Since you have a son together, it's going to be difficult to avoid contact. If it's going to bother you that much, maybe let your ex wife know that you're not comfortable seeing her with a new man yet, so when you pick you son up, you prefer that she doesn't bring her new boyfriend or date along.

Now that she cut the last string, make sure that you minimize your contact with her so that you can heal.

[firsttimedumped]

Yep Im done Im not going to try anymore... Sometimes I feel like she has no heart.. She knows I still love her and then goes and tells me she's going to start dating because she feels lonely...

That's the way the ball bounces I guess...

Here comes some more pain and thoughts oh well...

[talaniman]

You still have a son to raise, and be a role model to. That means handling yourself in a acceptable way, no matter the situation.

[Wonder-er]

The dating world, you will find, completely sucks these days. It's hard to find a good woman. If she is... then I'd try to keep her.